To think this was nuts?

[HollyCarrot]

Bringing dc to school this morning, got on train when man and his dc appears at door and asks if we're going to our school. I said we were and he says can you take my dc. Being a people pleasing fool and stunned I said yes and proceeded to take his dc on short train trip and five min walk across very busy roads to school. Am still annoyed this evening, had never spoken to the guy or his kid before, he just handed his child over to a complete and utter stranger!

[TheAntiBoop]

Hi op - I have anxiety and totally get it. Don't plan to say anything clever etc- just 'no'. You don't have to explain yourself to him.

You will be fine tomorrow but if you want to try and ignore the intrusive thoughts we could suggests one websites etc!!

[HollyCarrot]

Velvet, I think it was someone else that said it was school duty of care, I had wondered myself where a school's DOC begins and ends. I'm not in the UK so it could be different here? Also, this last couple of weeks have been my first dealings with school since I was there myself. So I'm new to it all and unsure of what to do!

[SpaceDinosaur]

holly I get it.

Tomorrow, why don't you sit in a totally different carriage. It may not be as convenient for getting off at the other end for now but it will mean you're not where you have been. If you're not there you can't be accosted, insulted or put upon.

[HollyCarrot]

Thanks Boop, I just get v upset by confrontation and the thought of cross words with a stranger in front of my DC is a bit scary. Prob won't happen but I will feel uncomfortable whatever happens now. Poxy anxiety!

[HollyCarrot]

Space, thanks. I will try to avoid tomorrow alright but he was waiting right at the entrance this morning so no chance to escape!

[Graceymac]

You aren't over reacting here at all. This man doesn't know anything about you yet is perfected happy to pack off his precious child with you. I don't think that being put in a position where you have to challenge a total stranger for their poor parenting choices would be easy for anyone, without or without the added complication of an anxiety disorder. Perhaps just say, "I am really sorry but you will have to bring your own child to school" if he asks again. Taking control of this situation in a polite but firm manner may even empower you. It sounds unlikely that he will ask again if he has any sense at all though.

[Pumpkin2010]

I totally get the anxiety re: confrontation as I used to be the same (still am at times). But you are in the right here.

The only way to avoid the situation would be to either leave earlier or use a different method of transport. Annoying that you have to do this, but if you don't want to see him it may be worth doing for a couple of days until he gets the message?

[HighwayDragon1]

Can you hide stand on another part of the train?

[PresidentOliviaMumsnet]

@MinonsMovie

I'm very much within my right to post my opinion on the matter,

On the contrary, if you have an issue with the veracity of a post, we ask that you report it to HQ
Troll hunting is not helpful. At MN we believe in giving the benefit of the doubt.
If the poster is NOT genuine, then questioning it merely fans the attention flames.

Thanks
MNHQ

[Scarydinosaurs]

Is there a different entrance you can use?

[HollyCarrot]

Re: getting a different train, today I got the later one but yesterday's incident was on the earlier one so I don't think I can totally avoid that way unfortunately.

[HollyCarrot]

And only the one entrance not London

[MillionToOneChances]

His son was very outgoing, very relaxed considering he didn't know me.

I'm not surprised if he's used to this kind of thing!

Where are you, OP? I do think it makes a big difference. Where my friend is in Germany it's perfectly normal for her 5 year old to walk to and from school alone (with massive backpack). If there were very busy roads I wouldn't be surprised if they just shooed little ones along with whichever adult was heading that way.

[HollyCarrot]

In Ireland, Million. Just the busy roads off the train I worry about, lots of side lanes and bad parking not helping visibility for drivers etc. I am usually quite mithered after dropping my DC off without extra random child to contend with.

[ohtheholidays]

Walk in to to the station on your phone if he try's to hand his child to you go no sorry I'm taking an important call.

[HollyCarrot]

May resort to the Oh, thanks!

[foresttrees2]

Hi holly. I hate confrontation too I would be also worried about how to deal with something so bizarre! Good luck!

[Elfieselfie]

HollyCarrot, ignore the troll hunters. I have worked in safeguarding for years and sadly, a parent doing this does not surprise me. It is definitely a safeguarding issue and the school should have reported it. This should be investigated to see what else is going on within the family and to determine whether that child (and any other children within the household) are at risk of significant harm.

[HollyCarrot]

Elfie, the guy looked grand etc and maybe he was so used to dropping kid off to friends parents on train or something he just forgot himself. So I would feel bad if there was unnecessary SS involvement. But at the same time it just seems so wrong to give your little boy to a complete stranger whose name you don't even know!

[ohtheholidays]

You did exactly the right thing OP,I used to teach and I worked with SS and this is something the school needed to know.

[WantToGoHome]

holly I think if you use the busy phone technique, it wouldn't work. As you have now taken his dc twice, he'll acknowledge you are on the, the wave an apology before walking off leaving his dc by your side.

You will ok, just remember the mn mantra 'No is a complete sentence'

[WantToGoHome]

Do many words missing in that post!

Its late..........

[Spiderpigspiderpig]

Maybe if he does it tomorrow, accept. As you're provably going to anyway. But ask for a contact number for him and ds mother. Then call the mother and explain what's going on.

Or can you take a more assertive friend with you?

[HollyCarrot]

No available assertive friends Spider so I'll have to manage myself. I think if I could focus fully on saying no I would be ok, I just have a long morning and walk to the train with my DC and I'm distracted worrying if we'll be on time. Obvs not great at multitasking!

[TathitiPete]

Agree with Want

Also, I reckon - in his mind - he has asked you and you've agreed. He asked you on Monday if you'd take his kid to school and what he meant was for you to take the child from now on, like, everyday. He probably thinks you're grand with this. He might even tell the school you agreed!

If so then he could definitely do with someone in authority telling him that sending his child off with a stranger is actually not okay. I'm not surprised you're bemused, it's a bit mad all right.

Are you in Dublin /irrelevant.