£9000 per year plus living costs and it is policy for the university tutor not to talk to,parents...am I being too precious?

[MillyDLA]

Just wondered your thoughts. My ds has missed the credits needed to move to his next year at uni, failing one exam by 2%. He has only just been told today that he can't return to uni until Sept 2017. I would have liked to have discussed this and meet with the personal tutor to support my ds in making the right choices. I want him to stop and consider all of his future options. However, even with my ds present the uni have refused any contact. I know my ds is a grown up, but this is a big decision. Added to that are all of the financial implications, student loans, a flat signed for for the whole of next year and future career/change of degree options. Big decisions to make.

I am interested in your thoughts around the lack of contact by the uni.

Thanks

Perhaps a resit paper might be prepared earlier? Why wait until needed?

I do think it is only humane to allow a friend or parent to be there at the point where you might be leaving uni realising it would be the end. You certainly don't want to be driving home after talking with your tutor on your own. It's not about being precious, just a humane caring response. There will be grief, and shock and anger, denial perhaps.

I remember being very humiliated when my mum phoned my university after I'd blubbed down the phone to her about some teething problem shortly after I joined. I especially remember the way the staff there smirked at me. You need to let your son fight his own battles. Butt out.

Aren't the posters here talking about data protection being a bit precious? Most circumstances allow for someone to be present if the person asks and gives permission. This applies to GPs, medical appts, and so forth.

My son had also misunderstood the need to pass thinking if he didn't, the extra credits needed could be gained whilst doing his next year.

I'm more than a bit at this.

How could he possibly think that?

What would the point of resitting been if that were the case?

The time for chats about the future was before the resits, not after. Now it's just making the best of a bad situation.

Yes I would only expect to be present if my child asked me to be so. And yes I think it would be of use.

I'm afraid universities are a business. They provide an education, and the chance of gaining qualifications. They have a product, a market, employees...

I think that if you have some valid points to raise, then explain them so your DS understand them and he can present those points (as though they have come from him) to the relevant person at the Uni.

In writing is good as you have evidence and an audit trail.

It would get crazy if many parents wanted to speak to him.

He can also see the on site student support for advice.

My expectation is that he works for his degree, this is an education and he needs to take every opportunity to learn. I don't feel that we are buying a degree. I do however feel that the uni should be responsible for their students, that After Sales Care I mentioned. I hope that my ds is supported to make the right decisions for him.

In this case his end of year exams were April, so I would have expected earlier resits and marking than beginning of September.

He's an adult. Of course they're not going to talk to you. You may be paying but you're not legally obliged to, that's your choice, he is their student and it's his responsibility to interact with them, work hard and pass.

I think universities are really trying to clamp down on this weird generation of helicoptered snowflakes who never cut the apron strings so they have some chance in the real world.

Future employers won't entertain you either even if he can only work for him because you pay his rent, drive him there, hold his hand on the way in..... 😂

OP is your son doing a medical degree?

No, totally not a helicopter parent, a very busy headteacher with little time on my hands to sort out anything in our home life. I have always supported staff in the education system when dealing with my children. I know how tough it is.

If that is true, how can you possibly be unaware that (as many people have said) it would be a data protection issue for us to talk to you?

Do you routinely disregard the law when you communicate with people in your job? No?

Then don't expect it of us.

There will almost certainly have been far more After Sales Care available to him than he has chosen to make use of!

Your DS is too old for you to be in charge any more, you don't get to be in contact with the uni - contact with the uni is his job now.

Confidentiality rather than data protection surely? And can this not be overruled by the student himself?

I am a member of university faculty and I have a slightly different perspective to some others here. If a student's parents rang me and asked for details about their son/daughter's progress, I would decline to discuss it because of data protection rules. However, if a student wishes, I don't see any problem with having a parent (or another adult) with them in a formal meeting, as long as the parameters were agreed in writing in advance. For example, all disclosures of results, tutor reports and so on would have to come from the student. Even adults need their mums sometimes!

Unis are measured partially on retention and fail rates and will have done everything they can I'll bet to keep him!

It IS a data protection issue - unis legally can't even confirm if someone is studying there to a parent. Imagine if you had an abusive parent trying to track you down for example. Or if you had depression, or some kind of personal crisis causing you to fail exams but didn't want your family to know. Or on a completely different level, if you just wanted to drink all day and night and completely waste your time for years - like it or not, it's all totally up to the student as an adult, and they can keep their parents in the loop as much or as little as they want. For some over-protected kids it's the first proper freedom of their lives.

Having said that, yes of course students are able to override it, but it has to be their choice and it still doesn't mean parents get to barge in and demand answers on their behalf - it has to be them as an adult tackling things for themselves.

DH is a lecturer and has met students with their parents occasionally, but usually only after major crises when that student is so vulnerable that they literally need their parent by their side - which usually isn't after exam fail issues, and usually means they need to leave uni for a short time anyway as they can't cope on their own anymore. So I'd be in the "thank god he doesn't 'need' my help" camp really.

Whilst paying in full for ds's fees, rent, allowance etc, it is up to him to get all his shit in one sock for uni. I can remind him when he's home about things he needs to do (like apply for a bloody job), and he calls me when he needs advice if he has a problem in his rented house, or how to deal with an issue at uni, but I do not attempt to deal with his tutors at all.

I remember my Dad insisting on meeting my first boss and how cringe making that was, so I wouldn't intervene with ds.

OP "My son had also misunderstood the need to pass thinking if he didn't, the extra credits needed could be gained whilst doing his next year. ( doesn't bode well for his future decision making then!). He is also very upset and shocked at the outcome."

Unless I have misunderstood this, you are effectively saying that your son was confused by what could potentially happen if he didn't pass.

Part of being an adult is understanding the contractual stuff - as long as the uni have worded this so it is crystal clear, then I don't see that they are at fault in any way.

re the money, it still has to be all down to him, because he's the customer receiving the product. So whatever outcome you and he want from this it has to be down to him to talk to uni. Of course outside uni he can take advice from whoever, but I think it's quite right the uni won't talk to parents. It wouldn't do the students any good either - tbh I think we keep students as "children" far too much anyway, they are adults.

Wow, a real hard time! Would it be relevant to lie about my job?? Of course in primary LRD we would be dealing with the parent and child so not the same as uni. Any other data protection issues we would seek permission for following all correct procedures. As said earlier, any staff underperformance, policy is always to offer an employee the option to have a friend, colleague, or union rep with them. Students should at least have this option.

Yabu, his life, his responsibility, he's an adult now and needs to own that.

Yes, it can be overruled by the student. Funnily enough, though, that rarely happens. Because, very often, students are spinning their parents a yarn and banking on the fact that we can't expose this to said parents, using their right to confidentiality to ensure this. Believe me, this is not something that I, as an academic, am happy with. I have taught students who have told their parents a pack of lies about me or my colleagues in the past, knowing that we can't legally tell their parents the truth (usually that they were persistently absent and never submitted any assessment).

well theres always one....and it me

I think they should discuss it with you, not because he's being a baby or you're being a helicopter ( shite labels), but because its putting him into an awful lot of debt and you as his mum are wondering if he realises the implication of this.

I am a HE lecturer and I do speak to parents if requested to do so by the student. I don't think it's an unreasonable request ... if your son wants you there. Whilst my students are adults and I treat them as such they are very young and can be very vulnerable. I always allow students to bring a friend/parent/partner along if it helps especially if they're upset and struggling to process the information.

I am guessing that it might be a non-compensateable module. On one of the programmes I used to teach on students had to pass a certain module before they could progress. It was a professional body requirement. It might be worth exploring if there is any possibility of an early re-sit. Does he feel that he is on the right course?

Trust me, universities ARE responsible for their students; very much so. This talk of After Sales Care makes it sound like (the parent) has purchased a service. That's not it. Think of it like paying for a gym membership: it's access to the equipment that can get results, but only if the work is put in. But it's not the university's business as to who is paying the fees. The contract is with the student. Yes, parents are asked to help financially but that is due to Student Finance England's finding rules, not the university.

For those asking about data protection - students over the age of 18 are adults. I have had many parents call me about their child in my department and I am not even allowed to say if someone of that name is studying with us. Where students have asked if their parent can join a meeting then we will usually oblige, provided we have written consent from the student and have ascertained that they are not being coerced.