AIBU to ask you all how the flip do I get pregnant?

[OnlyEatsToast]

..as I clearly have no clue after almost 5 years of trying. I HAVE, fortunately, wonderfully, unexpectedly, managed to somehow overcome my infertile fuckwittery and produce DS1 - now aged 3. God knows how i managed that, took 2 years of ttc. I attributed it to a week of berocca at the time. And now I find myself aged 39, again distraught month after month after failing to arrange a sibling. and this time berocca is not helping

So AIBU to ask the den of vipers where I must be going wrong?

Whilst I know how amazingly fortunate I am to have DS, it doesn't stop my sadness at yet again finding myself failing to conceive. I don't think IVF/ICSIs or those level of interventions are for me, perhaps in a years time I might consider adopting. But is there any advise, any basics I'm missing for me to try in my last few months of ttc? (I can't endure the monthly heartbreak of the nature fail for much longer, and I don't see me wanting to continue to ttc past 40).

I've a fairly regular 28 day cycle, bleed for 4-5 days, then presumably ovulate a few days after it ends (based on the appearance of EWCM). DH and I try to dtd right at the start of when EWCM appears. Owing to DS1 not sleeping/sleeping in our bed we generally only manage the deed once a month (perhaps this is where I am going so wrong?!) Struggle so much to manage any other time though.

I am fairly healthy although much heavier than I should be. In a fairly stressful job but do a decent job of not letting that get to me. I drink 1-2 bottles of wine a week.

Not been to GP about it after the tough experience I had after DS' birth.
Assume there's nothing they could do? Not used any OPKs. Think I had an early MC a few months ago.

So where am I going wrong?

Please throw any tips my way! I promise to name the child after any mumsnetter whose advise works?!

Download Fertility Friend and track your cervical mucus, its a primary fertility sign and will help you pinpoint ovulation. Or just have sex every other day throughout your cycle.

JUST HAVE MORE SEX

Sorry for shouting. All the advice on here about supplements and bum in the air and tests and books and stuff is all well and good but if you are only having sex ONCE A MONTH it is pointless.

Honestly JUST HAVE MORE SEX and that may well be enough for you. At the moment you have no idea whether you have a fertility issue or not because you haven't really tried! If you have 4 months of DTD a lot more and still no luck, then look at all the rest of the advice here.

Good luck

I totally agree with minipie. Nothing else will help if the sperm and egg never get to meet.

I struggled to conceive number 2 for 18 months and in the end found acupuncture to be really helpful. It's all about the cervical mucus apparently. Sorry if TMI. We now have a wonderful little boy. I wish you the best of luck.

More sex! Sex every other day.

Zombie thread.

And pre-seed is not miraculous. If it was, the NHS would offer it instead of IVF.

After some keyhole to clear endo, we tried the sperm meets egg plan bit quite shoddily. Then went right, let's do it properly, we even went for it twice on the peak fertile day (used opk and the clearblue digital where you put the stick in the machine). Got the normal spotting before period, then the faintest of faint lines and now DD is sleeping/feeding on me.

Oh it is a zombie, didn't even think to look 🤦‍♀️ oh well, wonder if the op was successful?

I’d second getting ovulation tests, you may not ovulate when you think you do. I have a 30 day cycle but don’t ovulate until day 22/23 and then get a period a week later. It hasn’t stopped me getting pregnant. I’ve been lucky enough to have conceived my 2 sons quite easily but this probably wouldn’t have been the case if I hadn’t been aware of the late ovulation.

Ah zombie oops

Opks for sure and definitely more sex. You need to get the timing right. I only have an 11 day leuteal phase after ovulation. Not every one is the typical 14 days so you need to keep having sex even after you think you have ovualted to cover all base.

Sorry I've no time to read the whole thread but the two things I would suggest (helped me to conceive second time around at the age of 34) are: (1) stopping alcohol completely. My body just cannot cope with alcohol in the way it did in my 20s; (2) ovulation kit and plenty of sex over fertile period.

Best of luck

Def have sex more and do the temperature thing - although it takes a few cycles to make sense! EWCM only means your body is preparing to ovulate - a spike in temperature would show you’ve ovulated.
Also look at Marilyn Glenvilles Natural Solutions to Infertility.

Check your vaginal secretions! When it's like egg white (uncooked, obvs) for about three days in the middle of your cycle. Then bang bang bang, get shagging because THAT is when you are at your most fertile. I wish I'd been told this when I was TTC.

This thread is from 2016.

Don't pin all your hopes on doing during your most fertile window. Neither of mine were conceived that way because my husbands contribution took a little longer to get to their destination!

I had my last baby at 41. You need to be having sex every other day. It's tough when you have other children and it definitely wasn't the best sex but once a month is very unlikely to give you the result you're looking for. Good luck.