AIBU to ask you all how the flip do I get pregnant?

[OnlyEatsToast]

..as I clearly have no clue after almost 5 years of trying. I HAVE, fortunately, wonderfully, unexpectedly, managed to somehow overcome my infertile fuckwittery and produce DS1 - now aged 3. God knows how i managed that, took 2 years of ttc. I attributed it to a week of berocca at the time. And now I find myself aged 39, again distraught month after month after failing to arrange a sibling. and this time berocca is not helping

So AIBU to ask the den of vipers where I must be going wrong?

Whilst I know how amazingly fortunate I am to have DS, it doesn't stop my sadness at yet again finding myself failing to conceive. I don't think IVF/ICSIs or those level of interventions are for me, perhaps in a years time I might consider adopting. But is there any advise, any basics I'm missing for me to try in my last few months of ttc? (I can't endure the monthly heartbreak of the nature fail for much longer, and I don't see me wanting to continue to ttc past 40).

I've a fairly regular 28 day cycle, bleed for 4-5 days, then presumably ovulate a few days after it ends (based on the appearance of EWCM). DH and I try to dtd right at the start of when EWCM appears. Owing to DS1 not sleeping/sleeping in our bed we generally only manage the deed once a month (perhaps this is where I am going so wrong?!) Struggle so much to manage any other time though.

I am fairly healthy although much heavier than I should be. In a fairly stressful job but do a decent job of not letting that get to me. I drink 1-2 bottles of wine a week.

Not been to GP about it after the tough experience I had after DS' birth.
Assume there's nothing they could do? Not used any OPKs. Think I had an early MC a few months ago.

So where am I going wrong?

Please throw any tips my way! I promise to name the child after any mumsnetter whose advise works?!

Glastonbury just mis-read your post as 'lots more sex up your bum'

OnlyEatsToast Generally you ovulate on the last day of EWCM, or the day after.

Sperm can survive up to 7 days in EW 'conditions', but only if they're very healthy.

We dtd every other day as apparently this maintains sperm count. Good luck Op

I used an opk and shagged like billio for a few days followed by sticking my legs up the wall after the event. Who said romance is dead

I think sex every other day is about right. Also, don't get too hung up on trying to predict ovulation. With both mine I conceived much later in the month, I was sure I had already ovulated so it really isn't an exact science. I'd try the sex more often before anything else tbh.

albert I'm 31 and once a month did it for me each time, much to DPs dismay
Good luck OP, hope you get what you want soon!

Well I know it's all been said but you need to have sex a LOT more! 2-3 times a week is recommended when ttc.

You need to cut out the 2 bottles of wine.

Your age is going to be a factor but really you've got next to no chance only dtd once a month.

I've PM'd you Toast

If it's 28 days then day 14 of your cycle. You should be noticing a difference in vaginal discharge then. A slick and thin mucous is receptive to sperm and indication that an egg is about to be released or just released. The thicker and more viscous it is, the less receptive it is - indication of an egg that has released days ago and sperm cannot pass easily.

A woman is only fertile for a few days during her cycle. Not that I would recommend that this be used as a means of contraceptive.

Evening primrose oil is meant to help, as it Vitex.
Buy some of those clearblue digital ovulation tests too.

I haven't had success yet, but trying after a miscarriage. Done some research.

Good luck

And Royal Jelly is meant to improve your eggs.

If it's 28 days then day 14 of your cycle. You should be noticing a difference in vaginal discharge then

Not necessarily. It's a rare woman with a 28 day cycle every month, on which she ovulates on day 14.

And nothing has been proven to improve egg quality.

In the book I'm reading (Is your body baby friendly) that is written from a very well known fertility doctor who has now passed away there is reference I am sure it is Vitamin D that can help with egg quality.

Will find the extract from the book, a woman who used it did find it helped and her egg quality improved.

At the end of the day it's worth a try IMO.

You need to do a lot more shagging. Loads more.

I have to admit, I was always under the impression that because you are born with all the eggs you'll ever have, there is little you can do to improve "quality" - they are what they are and they can only degenerate over time.

Actually there's some convincing evidence (from medical trials) that myo inositol improves egg quality.

It's not always CD14 on a 28 day cycle I have a 28 day cycle regular as clockwork and I ovulate between CD11 amd CD16 it's rare to happen on the same CD twice in a row.

Drives me nuts out unpredictable my body is!

I regularly advice friends as before ttc with all my DCs I did a lot of research/ preparation in the hope it wouldn't drag out for ages.

• body- get fit, get in shape
• cut down on booze, still enjoy odd glass of wine but no crazy binges
• start using ovulation sticks- be sure of when you ovulate
• when you know roughly you have a regular cycle and the day you ovulate- start dtd 5 days before this day- if you need to wake DH up in early hrs and do before work- do it! Then do on day 5-4 have a break on day 3 then 2 days before 1 day before, on the day and the day after you ovulate
• use pre-seed or conceive plus (fertility lubricant) before you have sex

It sounds like you are timing dtd too early in your cycle though. The earliest you could be ovulating is day 11, which is more than a few days after the end of a 4/5 day period. If you can only manage to dtd once a month move it to day 11.

I would echo what everyone has said about ovulation sticks and advise getting a blood test if you still have no joy. When we had been trying for over 12 months I had a test and we discovered that I had high prolactin levels. I was sent to see an endocrinologist who explained that the prolactin was disrupting my ovulatory cycle and it would be unlikely that I would get pregnant whilst it was high, to reduce it I would need to take a tablet once a week. After two months of tablets we were overjoyed to find they had certainly done their job! Good luck OP.

If you really want another child you must find the time to have sex more often. We were crippled with fatigue and low energy due to jobs etc but the few months each time we were ttc I planned it like clockwork- not sexy at all I know- but if you really want another child this really isn't too much hardship- as I said above its just 5 times a month on set days.

No it's really not Sukey. It's rare for it to not happen.

Shagging a lot will not help - at all!!! It decreases the motility of the sperm and bruises the cervix, swelling it, and making it unreceptive.

Just take it easy, look at the mucous coming from your vagina and then time the deed jump on him

Not all luteal phases are 14 days!

I have been there, done that, got the T shirt.

Sadly no baby, but still.

Icsi is great honestly do that it works and you can time it to a month that suits you and I love science, so much more reliable than nature. Best money you'll ever spend