The way BIL and FIL did this?

[Doublemint]

When DHs grandad died, about 5/6 years ago he left both his watches to BIL, no idea why not one each as he was close to both his grandsons.
One of the watches is an old Rolex and about 3 years ago BIL gave it to DH because he didn't want it/ had a brieghtling watch as his engagement present. No idea if that's how you spell it- apparently they are v v expensive. BIL is into flashy expensive stuff, whereas me and DH aren't, and saw it as a fair thing (both brothers get one of their grandads watches) and the fact it was a Rolex wasn't really a factor, more of an added bonus.

So fast forward 3 years and the Rolex didn't work anymore. DH doesn't wear it unless a special occasion such as a wedding so it wasn't high on our list to get sorted as we thought it would be expensive.

FIL was round and saw it on the side. He offered to take it to get it fixed. Or at least find out how much it would cost to get fixed. DH said yes and he took it. He made out he was doing us a favour.

Today FIL phones DH and says he's taken it in and it will cost £300. He knows we don't have £300 to spare. He must have talked to BIL about this because he then goes onto say BIL is paying to get it fixed and will then "have it back".

This has already been decided between BIL and FIL. FIL basically just rang to tell DH.

DH is putting on a brave front but I can tell he's hurt by this. I could tell he was upset straightaway as he went all quiet after he hung up.

Quick backstory: this isn't the first time FIL and BIL have decided stuff without talking to DH. DH is the younger brother and they constantly mock him for being disorganised and belittle him tbh. They are both in the same career field so have a lot in common. When all three go out for a drink DH has come back a bit low and subdued because all they've done is talk about work like he's not there. They don't ever say well done for DH work achievements, mock his DIY skills and never ever say anything positive. FIL "offered" to sell DH car for him whilst he's away for a v long time with work, after we've explained we don't want him to. DH was going to store his car at FILs whilst he's away and decided not to as his dad kept going on about selling it. They just do t listen or respect him. It's breaking my heart and now after this watch thing I'm getting angry and want to say something.

Sorry about the length of this, didn't want to drip feed.

AIBU or is their behaviour fair enough as the watch was official willed to BIL 5/6 years ago but gifted to DH 3 years ago?

Yes, don't bother asking for key back, just quietly change lock barrel - is quite easy if it's a Yale type lock. Then wait & see if FIL complains about not being able to get in! You can just say it was precautionary measure as he'd lost your keys, if he says anything. And ask why he didn't tell you he'd found them again as it would have saved you the expense! But don't give him another set, just say you have an agreement with neighbour/friend to hold spares for each other now. Good luck! 🍀

Don't make it a battle you don't need to fight, just change the locks. Cheaper and easier in the long run, but it's a very definite statement.

That's what I'd like to do ideally. I will still ask for the key back first then get them changed ASAP.

Still waiting for the watch to come out of the repair shop but me and DH have worked out a way to save up to get it back before Xmas.

Then the whole lot of them can take a running jump.

Your DH is very lucky that he's got you in his corner. You're being fab support.

If you get the locks changed, then when FIl tries to let himself in and can't, you can make a completely false apology - you lost your keys, had to get new locks - and take his old key back from him as it's useless now (or even ket him keep it) and then never quite get around to getting a spare key cut for him.

Then you don't need to fight about it at all.

Hey OP, wondered if their was an update?

MIL now has the watch and FIL let himself into OP's house and installed additional plug sockets without prior warning, IIRC!

OP change the locks ASAP

Thanks Fliss

Definitely get the locks changed. I do hope your DH gets the watch back soon.

Do you know where the watch is yet?
I'm glad you have a plan and that it will be easier to get the watch back from MIL (who to me only sounds a bit better than the other two... poor DH) but she has to get it from FIL first. Is she going to do that herself? Will 'D'BIL get it for her or is he FIL's side? BIL might know where the watch is, although again might be in the dark.

I agree that this watch is just a symbol of the relationship between your DH and his shitty family. Might not be such a bad thing for your girls that your MIL doesn't babysit. Are your parents not close enough? From what you said they seem like typical caring parents.