The way BIL and FIL did this?

[Doublemint]

When DHs grandad died, about 5/6 years ago he left both his watches to BIL, no idea why not one each as he was close to both his grandsons.
One of the watches is an old Rolex and about 3 years ago BIL gave it to DH because he didn't want it/ had a brieghtling watch as his engagement present. No idea if that's how you spell it- apparently they are v v expensive. BIL is into flashy expensive stuff, whereas me and DH aren't, and saw it as a fair thing (both brothers get one of their grandads watches) and the fact it was a Rolex wasn't really a factor, more of an added bonus.

So fast forward 3 years and the Rolex didn't work anymore. DH doesn't wear it unless a special occasion such as a wedding so it wasn't high on our list to get sorted as we thought it would be expensive.

FIL was round and saw it on the side. He offered to take it to get it fixed. Or at least find out how much it would cost to get fixed. DH said yes and he took it. He made out he was doing us a favour.

Today FIL phones DH and says he's taken it in and it will cost £300. He knows we don't have £300 to spare. He must have talked to BIL about this because he then goes onto say BIL is paying to get it fixed and will then "have it back".

This has already been decided between BIL and FIL. FIL basically just rang to tell DH.

DH is putting on a brave front but I can tell he's hurt by this. I could tell he was upset straightaway as he went all quiet after he hung up.

Quick backstory: this isn't the first time FIL and BIL have decided stuff without talking to DH. DH is the younger brother and they constantly mock him for being disorganised and belittle him tbh. They are both in the same career field so have a lot in common. When all three go out for a drink DH has come back a bit low and subdued because all they've done is talk about work like he's not there. They don't ever say well done for DH work achievements, mock his DIY skills and never ever say anything positive. FIL "offered" to sell DH car for him whilst he's away for a v long time with work, after we've explained we don't want him to. DH was going to store his car at FILs whilst he's away and decided not to as his dad kept going on about selling it. They just do t listen or respect him. It's breaking my heart and now after this watch thing I'm getting angry and want to say something.

Sorry about the length of this, didn't want to drip feed.

AIBU or is their behaviour fair enough as the watch was official willed to BIL 5/6 years ago but gifted to DH 3 years ago?

It sounds like it just needs a service. All Rolexes need to be serviced every 4-5 years, it is totally normal for them to stop after this period of time. If you are lucky, you will get 6-7 years. £300 sounds a bit too cheap. It is around £400 now & it needs to go back to Rolex via a Rolex authorised dealer. Will take about a month, but gives you time to save up. Don't let them send it too a 'man who does Rolexes' as the service won't be as good & will decrease the value.
Good luck - old Rolexes only increase in value.

Sounds like bil is the golden child in their family. Your dh probably sees being treated badly as ok since he's never known Amy different...

If one of his dc was doing this to another what would he think?

Well done DH. Its difficult to start this sort of thing.

Good point about your insurance actually if you do manage to get it back it may not be covered if it's over a certain amount and not specified separately on the policy...normally the limit is about £2.5k

If you think DH can get it back by suggesting he can fix it through his insurance then go ahead. You're husband needs to find his way with out them people poisoning his mind.

Just out of curiosity, OP, when you say both watches were left to your bil, did your DH see the will,mor was he simply told this?

Poverty pain, I'm suspicious about the will but more like bil 'persuaded' grandad that he was much more appreciative of that kind of thing and your dh wouldn't care about having them (possibly backed up by fil).

This kind of thing makes me fume. Your dh had been gifted this watch by bil. Grandad should have given one to him in any case. But most maddeningly why the fuck is fil favouring wealthy bil over your dh. Keep at it and try not to let your dh back down. If they won't give it back, I think there's a good reason to go nc. It just shows how little they value your dh.

Good luck.

Thanks so much for replies. I'm very interested to see what kind of response DH gets from his dad. I was very tempted with the "christmas present" idea but had a think and tbh it's not about getting it back per se more about DH finally standing up for himself and setting boundaries up with his dad and brother. Don't get me wrong we do want it back but it's not for money it's for sentimental reasons and also the principle. The way they went about "acquiring" it is not right and has got to be sorted out.
I will update tomorrow. DH is phoning his dad after work.

He could also add in that he was talking to 'a mate' (aka MN via his wife!) who knew somebody that repaired watches so he wanted to get a quote from him too before deciding where to send it. Just ignoring the fact that they've said they'll keep it.

I also like the idea of the OP saying that she was planning on getting it fixed for him for Christmas if they fail to give it back after your dh asks for it back - a great back up line to have. Because you can then point out how much it means to your dp to have something of his grandads etc etc

As somebody said up thread - did you see the will to know that they were both really left to the eldest brother or was he just told? Or was there an executor (your fil?) that had to distribute things fairly (ie one watch to each brother) that has failed to do so? It might be worth seeing if you can see the will - would your mil know who the solicitors were if you don't (even if she is divorced from fil) or was the estate big enough to have to go through probate - would it show up there? I think you it's less than £10 to get a copy although don't quote me on that!

It might have been that FIL decided to have some undue influence on his dad before he died and wrote his will in which case unfortunately the will might be not really what your GFIL really meant but it is what is written.

Oops sorry was mention say about the will- we weren't married when DHs grandad passed away so to be honest I know zilch about it. I do know the Rolex is in DHs will now though!
And yes as a plan b the Christmas idea is perfect, I will do that

update
So DH rang FIL after work today twice... No answer

He then rang BIL who didn't answer the first few times then rang DH back. DH was told FIL has already paid for the watch to be repaired, even though we specifically told him at the time not to go ahead with anything as we couldn't pay him back right now. another fine example of the inlaws ignoring DHs wishes
DH and BIL have agreed that BIL will pay their dad back and that BIL could hold onto it until DH comes back from his work commitments at Christmas. DH will be away Oct-Dec. He gets extra pay so he will now have to pay BIL back then. And then apparently BIL will give it back.

Is it just me or does the whole thing stink?

Yes. He's infantalizing him and acting like he's a (mor important) grown up.

I would still not want them in my lives if I were your DH. Life is too short to be treated like crap and ignored.

And of course it can't be dropped back with you whilst your DH is away. If DH is a second class citizen you are not even able to take care of your husband's possessions for him .

I think that legally if someone gives you something as a gift, they are transferring ownership to you.

It stinks. Arrange to pick up theatch yourself, and tell BIL that dh will pay him back when he gets back in Dec. That's how adults do it. If BIL demurs, ask him if he doesn't trust you.

It's dh's watch, not bil's. For heaven's sake. It matters to him.

Can dh pretend that bil is simply a colleague on the same level as himself, and speak to him like that?

Why is bil 'holding on to it'?

I have no idea why he's holding onto it to be honest maybe it's a penis thing. I will speak to DH about me collecting it from BIL that's a very valid point. But I don't know if he'd give it to me before DH pays him back for the repair.

Definitely get it back OP.

Possession is nine tenths of the law and all that.

I think if BIL holds on to it, you'll never see it again.

Do you have anything in writing? If so I'd be tempted to report them for theft (or at least threaten to).

It's being repaired now? So bil hasn't got it yet. Find out from fil where he took it, and make him ring them and change the contact details to dh's. Make sure they know to ring you when it's ready, and that you can pick it up instead of fil or bil. There was no need for either to be involved before and eve les reson now.

Yor dh is really going to learn how to stand up to them. Quite often, when someone has been bullying a person for a long time, they are so taken aback when that person says "enough, no more" that they acquiesce at first until they've had time to regroup and find another strategy. DH needs to press home the advantage, and to start talking back.

Hopefully, he'll not trust them again when fil suggests that he do something apparently nice :-((

It's being repaired now? So bil hasn't got it yet. Find out from fil where he took it, and make him ring them and change the contact details to dh's. Make sure they know to ring you when it's ready, and that you can pick it up instead of fil or bil. There was no need for either to be involved before and eve les reson now.

This is a good idea, however the repair people will be looking for payment before they give the watch to anyone. Unless FIL has pre-paid?

Geez, BIL is an arse!

Bil and Fil need to learn not to do this sort of thing behind your dh's back. If your dh can't/won't stand up for himself, can you show him how to manage this kind of situation and go and assertively ask for the watch back, now. Tell them that they should not have taken it and definitely should not have had it fixed without your dh's agreement as it was a gift to your dh and therefore his property. You won't be paying back any money as you had never agreed to the fix! at the least that might make them think twice before being such shits again.
I understand you want your dh to stand up for himself but in some families that is very hard to do. But much easier for you to do- you're not quite as close/involved and it is much easier for you to act the big bad wolf and show that as a united pair, you and your dh can't be messed with.

Why would bil have it to mind if fil paid for it?
I'd ring fil and have a big "what's going on? You were wetting a quote for me, then you've committed to repairing it, now bil is talking about keeping it until I've repaid you... Are you worried I won't pay you back? Do you not want me to have it?" Kind of thing.