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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The way BIL and FIL did this?

186 replies

Doublemint · 11/09/2016 20:05

When DHs grandad died, about 5/6 years ago he left both his watches to BIL, no idea why not one each as he was close to both his grandsons.
One of the watches is an old Rolex and about 3 years ago BIL gave it to DH because he didn't want it/ had a brieghtling watch as his engagement present. No idea if that's how you spell it- apparently they are v v expensive. BIL is into flashy expensive stuff, whereas me and DH aren't, and saw it as a fair thing (both brothers get one of their grandads watches) and the fact it was a Rolex wasn't really a factor, more of an added bonus.

So fast forward 3 years and the Rolex didn't work anymore. DH doesn't wear it unless a special occasion such as a wedding so it wasn't high on our list to get sorted as we thought it would be expensive.

FIL was round and saw it on the side. He offered to take it to get it fixed. Or at least find out how much it would cost to get fixed. DH said yes and he took it. He made out he was doing us a favour.

Today FIL phones DH and says he's taken it in and it will cost £300. He knows we don't have £300 to spare. He must have talked to BIL about this because he then goes onto say BIL is paying to get it fixed and will then "have it back".

This has already been decided between BIL and FIL. FIL basically just rang to tell DH.

DH is putting on a brave front but I can tell he's hurt by this. I could tell he was upset straightaway as he went all quiet after he hung up.

Quick backstory: this isn't the first time FIL and BIL have decided stuff without talking to DH. DH is the younger brother and they constantly mock him for being disorganised and belittle him tbh. They are both in the same career field so have a lot in common. When all three go out for a drink DH has come back a bit low and subdued because all they've done is talk about work like he's not there. They don't ever say well done for DH work achievements, mock his DIY skills and never ever say anything positive. FIL "offered" to sell DH car for him whilst he's away for a v long time with work, after we've explained we don't want him to. DH was going to store his car at FILs whilst he's away and decided not to as his dad kept going on about selling it. They just do t listen or respect him. It's breaking my heart and now after this watch thing I'm getting angry and want to say something.

Sorry about the length of this, didn't want to drip feed.

AIBU or is their behaviour fair enough as the watch was official willed to BIL 5/6 years ago but gifted to DH 3 years ago?

OP posts:
paranormalish · 13/09/2016 03:30

How bizarre, I cannot see why BIL needs to hang on to it until December....surely he can trust his brother to pay him back £300 without keeping the watch as insurance??

ThriftyMama · 13/09/2016 03:43

If he only wore it on special occasions then it must have meant a lot to him. I'd remind him of that.
I don't want to sound mean but it sounds like your BIL and FIL humiliate your DH and he isn't the type to face confrontation head on (from what you have said here). Telling him you have posted this on here and reading the replies to him (while all kind in nature) might make him feel humiliated - even total strangers think he is doing the wrong thing, etc.
I would text the FIL and BIL and say that "we are both grateful for you taking the watch to the jewellers to get the repairs valued. However it meant the world to DH when BIL gave him the watch, a treasured memory. The idea of losing it is quite upsetting, which you're sure they never meant to do. So if they could just return it as is you'll get it repaired for him for Christmas. Thanks again for being so generous"
If they don't return it, then take it as all the proof you need that they couldn't give a stuff about his feelings and return the favour.

ThriftyMama · 13/09/2016 03:45

I managed to miss a whole page of replies and updates, please ignore my last post

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/09/2016 17:57

They are both utter wankers. I hope you get the watch back (soon) OP.

chubbleigh · 13/09/2016 18:21

I'd borrow the money from somewhere else, pay up and end it now. What are they? Pawnbrokers?

Original poster
Doublemint · 13/09/2016 18:46

I think I'm going to find the money (somehow) with my first paycheque after mat leave at the end of the month. Then go to BIL and say all sweetly here's the money, I'll take the watch back now.
What do you think?
I'm not ever trusting them again they are bullying to DH and he just doesn't want to make a fuss, he's so used to being treated like this by them and kind of wants to fit in I think. He's a better dad and man than the pair of them put together!

OP posts:
StubblyLegs · 13/09/2016 19:33

What a pair of cunts they are. I'd be tempted to go round to BIL myself to ask for demand the watch back, but then DH wouldn't get the valuable experience of shoring up his confidence in 'confronting' BIL/FIL directly which might help to make him wise up and eventually more resolute in cutting contact with this thunder cuntish pair of users.

I'd also be interested in seeing the will for myself.

StubblyLegs · 13/09/2016 19:37

Also, while I'd resent the fact that the situation was visited on me/DH uninvited with regard to the alleged quote/cost of the alleged repair, I'd be tempted to pay it chuck it in their face to 'buy' it back and once the watch was in my hand, I'd immediately cut all contact with them from that moment onwards.

Cheeky fuckers are trying to pull a fast one... People like this piss me right off.

PovertyPain · 13/09/2016 20:18

I have a sneaking suspicion that the repair person will 'lose' the watch, or fil and bil will decide that they should respect gf's wishes and KEEP the watch, or the watch repair might turn out to cost soooo much more than they were originally quoted, so naturally you couldn't afford to pay them back. Hmm

I think they've realised how much the watch is worth and plan on selling it, as you've already said, the bil already has a watch he prefers.

Original poster
Doublemint · 18/09/2016 20:17

Who fancies an update on watch gate?

FIL came round today as he and DH had organised him to do a bit of DIY.

FIL turned up without necessary stuff and basically stayed for a cup of tea, which is totally fine BUT the weird thing is hat he brought up the watch subject (weird because he never brings up anything ever and it's really hrs to chit chat with him) and made a point of telling us he had had it valued afterall and it's only worth £500, so with the £300 repairs "it's not really worth it".
When we googled it the watch came up as being £1-2k.

We are getting the fucking watch back by hook or by crook now.

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 18/09/2016 20:20

Who fancies an update on watch gate?

I do!!

And sadly the update isn't surprising at all. So if it's "not worth it", then I take it he's brought the broken watch back round to you? No?

Arseholes! Why are they in cahoots to do your DH over?

Mycraneisfixed · 18/09/2016 20:24

My DM got rid of all my DF's things when he died. I managed to 'steal' his old slide rule. I haven't a clue how to use it but I love it because it was my dad's.

Danglyweed · 18/09/2016 20:24

What a pair of absolute cunts!

Original poster
Doublemint · 18/09/2016 20:25

Nope no watch. He said he thought it would be too much hassle because he knew we could afford it. Strange that it's enough hassle for BIL though isn't it?

No idea why they are being like this, it's horrible. The only thing I can think is that FIL and BIL are very similar and closer than they are to DH, but this is beyond the pale. I just don't understand I feel like there's something I'm missing here!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 18/09/2016 20:26

Well that is so easy isn't it "That watch means a lot to me Dad, I don't care what it's worth I'll collect it next time we pop in tomorrow"

Original poster
Doublemint · 18/09/2016 20:27

Btw DH believes FIL apparently. Hmm I'm getting the watch back for his Xmas present and getting it valued by 3 different places so we have an answer. Fuck the money. It's never been about the value as such, but I hate liars.

OP posts:
TimeIhadaNameChange · 18/09/2016 21:05

Does this mean I have to come and carry out my threat to your DP????? Thought I gave him one week to get it back? Hmmmmm???????

Original poster
Doublemint · 18/09/2016 21:25

timeihadanamechange Grin seriously we WILL get it back. Promise with bells on

OP posts:
mysistersimone · 18/09/2016 21:28

It's so sad your hubby is being treated that way. I think we tend to be like kicked dogs with mean close family, we just hope that they'll change one day and go back for more. I have my pom poms going cheering you both on, I have everything crossed you get that watch back and be relentless, they'll run out of excuses one day

confuugled1 · 18/09/2016 21:30

I still think he needs to see a copy of the will... I reckon that 'd'f and bil cooked something up between them so that he got both of them rather than them being shared equally...

Onthecouchagain · 18/09/2016 21:38

Long and the short of it is that your DH needs stand up for himself.

PovertyPain · 18/09/2016 21:47

I know you said it's worth £1-2000, but is there any way it might be worth even more. Is it a certain number or made by a special watch maker? You can easily get a copy of the will. You don't need your DH to do that.

deste · 18/09/2016 21:51

Get back in touch with FIL and tell him you want it back because you have decided to present it to your DH on Christmas Day. And go on and on about how excited he is going to be.

Original poster
Doublemint · 18/09/2016 22:40

That's exactly what I'm going to do deste! just got to find £300 Magic it out of my ass first

OP posts:
WicksEnd · 18/09/2016 23:09

I reckon they've already sold it Sad