The way BIL and FIL did this?

[Doublemint]

When DHs grandad died, about 5/6 years ago he left both his watches to BIL, no idea why not one each as he was close to both his grandsons.
One of the watches is an old Rolex and about 3 years ago BIL gave it to DH because he didn't want it/ had a brieghtling watch as his engagement present. No idea if that's how you spell it- apparently they are v v expensive. BIL is into flashy expensive stuff, whereas me and DH aren't, and saw it as a fair thing (both brothers get one of their grandads watches) and the fact it was a Rolex wasn't really a factor, more of an added bonus.

So fast forward 3 years and the Rolex didn't work anymore. DH doesn't wear it unless a special occasion such as a wedding so it wasn't high on our list to get sorted as we thought it would be expensive.

FIL was round and saw it on the side. He offered to take it to get it fixed. Or at least find out how much it would cost to get fixed. DH said yes and he took it. He made out he was doing us a favour.

Today FIL phones DH and says he's taken it in and it will cost £300. He knows we don't have £300 to spare. He must have talked to BIL about this because he then goes onto say BIL is paying to get it fixed and will then "have it back".

This has already been decided between BIL and FIL. FIL basically just rang to tell DH.

DH is putting on a brave front but I can tell he's hurt by this. I could tell he was upset straightaway as he went all quiet after he hung up.

Quick backstory: this isn't the first time FIL and BIL have decided stuff without talking to DH. DH is the younger brother and they constantly mock him for being disorganised and belittle him tbh. They are both in the same career field so have a lot in common. When all three go out for a drink DH has come back a bit low and subdued because all they've done is talk about work like he's not there. They don't ever say well done for DH work achievements, mock his DIY skills and never ever say anything positive. FIL "offered" to sell DH car for him whilst he's away for a v long time with work, after we've explained we don't want him to. DH was going to store his car at FILs whilst he's away and decided not to as his dad kept going on about selling it. They just do t listen or respect him. It's breaking my heart and now after this watch thing I'm getting angry and want to say something.

Sorry about the length of this, didn't want to drip feed.

AIBU or is their behaviour fair enough as the watch was official willed to BIL 5/6 years ago but gifted to DH 3 years ago?

they just dont sound liek nice people

i wouldnt call it theft though u cant really do anythin about someone giving u something then taking it back

You tell your DH from me that it is a bloody big deal and if he doesn't have that watch back in his possession by the end of the week he'll have me to answer to!!!!!

OK, a tad dramatic, but the sentiment is real. I've been in a similar situation which I've mentioned on here before: my mum gave me a set of books about 15 years ago. Not expensive, but a complete set of books she knew I liked, which she'd bought 2nd hand from a market years ago, and which had been left at her mother's. She moved them to her house when my gran went into a home, but gave them to me (I was still a student so it would have been silly for me to take them then). She asked my sister if that was ok (because my sister hates me having anything she doesn't) and, subsequently, bought a similar (possibly more expensive, I don't know and I really don't care) set for her. A year later we were at my sister's and she pointed out these books to me. My mum reminded her she'd given me her set, and my sister was all ok with it, smiling about the situation.

Roll on a few years, when I'm settled and my mother is moving house, and DP and I hire a van to bring up the stuff I still had there. (Up to then I'd had one room in a flat, and my mother had a 4 bed, so it made sense to store it there). My sister 'accidently' manages to get the same weekend off, so is there too, but luckily goes out for the day when I'm packing and leave. However, on her return she spots the missing books and screams at my mother that I've taken them, because she'd seen them and assumed they were hers. Despite my mother reminding her she had a set, and that she'd agreed multiple times that I could have these, the bitch would not relent, wtr that my mother tells me I'm just 'looking after them' for my sister, and will hand them over when she visits.

This made me feel less valued than the shit on the sole of the family shoes. Yes, it is only a set of books, but that's not the bloody point. What is is that the bitch just has to have a tantrum and she gets what she wants, whilst I'm supposed to just go along with it. The fact that my sibling hasn't visited in the ten years since, and if she does come here I have friends who will store the books for me and happily deny all knowledge of them is reassuring, but does nowt to deal with the real issue.

So, OP's DH, I do understand. It's nowt to do with the watch, and yet, in a way, everything to do with it. I'd give you £300 now if I could. Please go and get it back and don't let anyone walk off with it again,

Gabs, of course you can! A gift means it goes from being your property to being the property of the person you gave it to. You can't just take it back! Morally, it's an outrageous way to behave and legally you wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

timeihadanamechange thank you! He actually laughed at that. He needs to realise that it's OK to stand up for yourself. He's gone all quiet too.

You guys are awesome. He's said (drumroll) "alright, I'll ask for it back, I'll speak to dad tomorrow".

The power of mumsnet lives on

I think he was just fed up of me banging on about it and reading out comments tbh. The more the merrier I say.

Glad to be of service!

Ask to get a valuation from the repairer so that BIL can pay any difference from the £300 in cash! ;)

You tell him that we are wise women on here, and we hate to see people being treated so badly. He needs to get it back for his own sake, they are totally unreasonable, he is in the right here and so are you. Just think that one day he would like to hand it over to his child! They are in the wrong here, bastards! I am angry on your behalf OP 😡 Dont let them get away with it !

He will very much regret not getting it back because of it's sentimental value.

Another one piling on to agree that your BIL and FIL are behaving unfairly and not treating your DH like a real person whose opinion actually matters here. It may sound like a small thing but it's part of a pattern of disrespect and lack of consideration IMO. It's hurtful to confront that, hence I imagine why he's minimising it.

Sorry, OP's DH

i didnt say morally it was right i think theyre arseholes but in a court u wouuldnt win would u

Hi Brother Mint,
Dad said you're kindly paying the bill to get my watch fixed. As you might guess, that's quite a bit of money for me at the moment. Do you mind if I pay you back in instalments please? Thought Dad would be asking me first if it was going to cost quite a bit. There seems to have been a misunderstanding about getting a quote/getting the work done. Still, will be great to have my watch working again. When do they think I will be able to collect it? Hope you and the family are well, Mr Mint.

Thank FIL for getting an estimate for the repair then say you will get it done when you have saved up for it and ask for the watch back as it was given to you by BIL.

The watch is probably worth a great deal and I'd bet that BIL has been told this by the repair place which is why he wants it back.

Here

If you have done idea what the watch looked like you might get a clue as to its value. Could be £5 - 6,000

We got one for my son and it has a reference number and each time it is repaired or serviced it's 'history' is updated. I'd get it back and investigate how best to value and care for it. It won't lose value. It's an asset as well as sentimental.

*some idea

My grandfather had a Rolex given to him in 1952 by his boss. He left it to my Dad. Dad had it restored and valued and was told it's worth around £7k.
Once you have it back get it valued and have it insured separately on your contents insurance.

why don't YOU ask for it back and say that you were planning to get it working again for his Christmas present.

once you have it back then it isn't any of their business whether that is Christmas 2016 or 2026.

You're husband needs to cut them off. They need medicine to think about their behaviour.

If it is about the money to BIL and not to your DH, if your BIL won't back down he could ask for either watch as he just wants something of his grandads? Can't see how BIL could say no to that, and will either feel a bit greedy about it all or just rub his hands together to have the more expensive one

He will ask for it tomorrow if they want to be greedy pricks then leave them to it. You're dh needs to make them think. When you ignore someone it is the most satisfying thing to do because they come crawling back. You're dh does not need them he has his family. Cut them off until they behave like decent people.

Tell you're husband to work hard and to educate himself then he will see the hate from his ignorant family.

nonickname's idea is very good - what can they say to refuse? And it would be a good present too.

You have to think about you're pride.