The way BIL and FIL did this?

[Doublemint]

When DHs grandad died, about 5/6 years ago he left both his watches to BIL, no idea why not one each as he was close to both his grandsons.
One of the watches is an old Rolex and about 3 years ago BIL gave it to DH because he didn't want it/ had a brieghtling watch as his engagement present. No idea if that's how you spell it- apparently they are v v expensive. BIL is into flashy expensive stuff, whereas me and DH aren't, and saw it as a fair thing (both brothers get one of their grandads watches) and the fact it was a Rolex wasn't really a factor, more of an added bonus.

So fast forward 3 years and the Rolex didn't work anymore. DH doesn't wear it unless a special occasion such as a wedding so it wasn't high on our list to get sorted as we thought it would be expensive.

FIL was round and saw it on the side. He offered to take it to get it fixed. Or at least find out how much it would cost to get fixed. DH said yes and he took it. He made out he was doing us a favour.

Today FIL phones DH and says he's taken it in and it will cost £300. He knows we don't have £300 to spare. He must have talked to BIL about this because he then goes onto say BIL is paying to get it fixed and will then "have it back".

This has already been decided between BIL and FIL. FIL basically just rang to tell DH.

DH is putting on a brave front but I can tell he's hurt by this. I could tell he was upset straightaway as he went all quiet after he hung up.

Quick backstory: this isn't the first time FIL and BIL have decided stuff without talking to DH. DH is the younger brother and they constantly mock him for being disorganised and belittle him tbh. They are both in the same career field so have a lot in common. When all three go out for a drink DH has come back a bit low and subdued because all they've done is talk about work like he's not there. They don't ever say well done for DH work achievements, mock his DIY skills and never ever say anything positive. FIL "offered" to sell DH car for him whilst he's away for a v long time with work, after we've explained we don't want him to. DH was going to store his car at FILs whilst he's away and decided not to as his dad kept going on about selling it. They just do t listen or respect him. It's breaking my heart and now after this watch thing I'm getting angry and want to say something.

Sorry about the length of this, didn't want to drip feed.

AIBU or is their behaviour fair enough as the watch was official willed to BIL 5/6 years ago but gifted to DH 3 years ago?

That's what I think too WicksEnd.

I second (third?) the idea of asking MIL about the solicitors who dealt with the estate and getting a copy of the will. You never know...might not have been just watches on it ;-)
Also, be glad you are married to the nice brother. Even if BIL ends up with a Rolex on one arm and a Breitling on the other, he's still a dick. Yay Mr and Mrs Doublemint for not being dicks and being a good team! Have a nice smoochy kiss to celebrate the fact that he didn't turn out like his family.

Ridiculous 'it wouldn't be worth getting it fixed', it doesn't matter if it's only worth £500 (even if that were true) when your DH isn't going to be selling it. It could be worth £5 or £5k and it still wouldn't matter.

Tell FIL "well, yes it would be worth paying to fix it because it may only be worth £500 but it's priceless to DH (your son). And irrelevant how much it's worth in pounds because it's not up for sale" you awful, awful man

Here's the watch, this is the price for mint condition which DHs obviously is not! but still I'd like to think that £500 is a drop in value a bit too far?
We are currently discussing the idea that whoever valued he watch is trying to scam FIL as suggested earlier.

nina that's what DH said basically, although didn't get too gushy as FIL would have laughed I think.

DH just said he wanted it back and it's not about the money. The plan (currently) is that FIL will give it to BIL (who will put the sodding £300) and DH will pay him back around Christmas (unless I can get the cash together first which is top secret plan A).

But they haven't had it repaired have they? If they said it wasn't worth it because it's "not worth much" it's still sitting around? Just roll up to bil, say that fil said it wasn't worth repairing so you'd take it home and say you'd already planned on repairing it for Xmas. This means you've got time to save up. You'd also get to see him squirm!

Just joining this.

You need to start using WRITTEN communication. This is theft. And you and your dh should treat it as such.

Get dh to send an email to them both stating he wants his property back (or sod it, send it on his behalf). Give a short history in the email to cover himself as it wasn't willed but gifted 3 years ago. If they are saying they have sold it, threaten to report this to the police. And follow through if it doesn't get returned. Time for dh to get his big boy pants on.

if it goes to BIL I bet you you will never get it back again.

Get it back now, that's if they have not already sold it.

It seems likely that in taking the watch to be mended they have found out it's valuable and therefore BIL wants it.

That's possible, but I think it's more likely that they are disappointed tat your DH has been given this valuable watch out of some act of charity only to leave it broken and laying about unused. Perhaps they feel that given its value the least he could do would be to get it mended and actually wear the thing. Maybe they fear he will just sell it? Perhaps they feel that if it's not that important to your DH then BIL should have it back as per the GF's original wishes.

Now I can completely understand that £300 is a stupid amount of money to find for something that isn't a priority, when you are a bit hard up, so I am not blaming your DH at all, and I think his DF and DB should be a bit more sensitive to his situation. They sound horrible.

It is rather odd that the GF chose to give both watches to one grandson. Did your DH get left anything else instead? If not, is there a backstory to this? Unless your DH has some sort of form for being irresponsible or feckless I really can't imagine why they have behaved that way to him.

I think your DH needs to learn not to be a doormat.

I agree with Leave in that it's odd that one grandson got both watches, and also in wondering if your DH was willed anything else? Was the grandfather another nob who treated your DH like a second class citizen?

If the will was correct then I don't think I'd want the bloody watch anyway, as it would be reminder that my grandfather didn't hold me in the same regard as my brother.

Ah I've just double checked and you said the GF was close to both grandsons. Very odd.

I think he's learnt over the years just to shut up and go along with them tbh.

I would say he is choosing to shut up and go along with them.
And why go out to the pub when they spend the evening bragging and belittling you.

These are not friends, being friendly, nor are they family being friendly they are family being shits.

He needs to make changes - albeit small ones initially. Just say he's busy next time they ask him to go to the pub. Let them sneer. See it as a tiny victory.

It is a family dynamic which will continue as long as DH allows it - they have no reason to change it boosts their ego, makes DFIL feel like he's DS1's buddy, in cahoots with him in belittling DS2.
Possibly DS1 is v like DFIL and DH takes after a different member of the family that DFIL has no respect for. And treats DS2 the same way.

Perhaps there are self help books DH could read.

This could all change, the world won't fall apart. DH just needs to make a few changes to please himself, not to feel he is under some obligation to humour this bullying pair.

DH was left his grandads war medals, as he is in the military too. He has willed them back to BIL upon DHs death (we have two girls- I know I know but it's what DH wanted to do).
DH had a good relationship with his grandad from what I've been told, I never met the man sadly but DH was very upset when we attended the funeral, he was DP then. And I know it's nothing to do with it but he is the bloody spitting image of his gd.
The picture on the coffin scared the hell out of me because it was like being at DHs funeral!

And OMG good point about it not being repaired so why can't we have it back, it does sound like that's what FIL meant although it wasn't sent explicitly. I will text FIL today (he doesn't have a clue with emails) and suggest I have the watch back and will get it repaired myself for DH for Xmas.
Why do I have a feeling this won't be easy?

Dont 'suggest'. State. Dont give him the room to 'suggest' otherwise.

In fact i wouldnt give him a warning email. i'd just turn up. Why give him time to think of a reason why he cant give it to you.

If your FIL said it hasn't been fixed as it wasn't worth the investment to do so then said he didn't bring it round because he knows you can't afford it then he's definitely lying to you.
To be honest I'd just turn up and ask which repair shop it's at, if he says it's not tell him good that youve looked online and apparently if there is a [random made up marking] on the back then it should be worth more than £500, let's take a look and check (all said very excitedly and co-conspiritor like).

When the watch is produced, alas you are disappointed to find it's not there, oh well such a shame it was fun to imagine wasn't it?

Then put it straight into your bag and say you're going to take it home and give it back to DH as a surprise as he has been talking about how much he misses GD and this will really cheer him up.

If FIL says no it's not fixed, smile and say that's okay, you're going to get it fixed first. If he says you can't afford it, smile and say youve used some savings and it'll be DHs Christmas present.
And finally if he says he told BIL he'd give it to him, you head tilt and frown slightly and ask why, this watch belongs to DH, it was given to him as a gift? Then smile and tell FIL you have to go now.

If he actually has had it fixed and can prove so, then still take it and tell him you'll transfer the money to him when you get home.
Then transfer £100 a month and say sorry, but the plan was just to get a quote for fixing DHs watch so you're sure he won't mind getting the payment monthly.

It's annoying and knobby but at least he'll learn not to do similar again.
FIL & BIL aren't pawn brokers, they don't get to hold the valuable item while you save up. FIL (and BIL) made a decision to spend money on something if DH without permission, that's their too bad.

Oh and keep referring to it as DHs watch, not the Rolex or GDs watch etc, make it personal to DH

I would get DGFs war medals mounted with a photo and put it in pride of place and forget about the watch.
Sounds to me as if DGF thought the medals would be appreciated much more by DH and that the watches (little emotional value) went to the other.

He should rewrite his will so they go to DDs if DB predeceases him. Really there is no guarantee that DBs DCs will value them, his DDs will as they knew their DF did.

Make sure you get the watch back.
In my opinion, there is no way that a Rolex watch drops 75% of its value. No way at all. Even if it's been worn. Even if it needs repair. Rolex watches hold their value. That's why they are Rolex watches.

I'm going to go against the grain here. The grandfather didn't leave your DH his watches. That was his dying wish. BIL got a new watch and realised he wouldn't wear grandfather's so he offers for your DH to wear it. Finds out your DH doesn't wear it, can't afford to maintain it, and fixing it is not a priority. It's a shame for it to be lingering in the drawer and he took it back.

It was never your DH's. His grandfather wanted the BIL to have it, so what sentimentality does he have? Bitterness every time he looks at it?

Sounds to me like it is about money but for you, not for them.

It honestly is not about money from Dhs perspective and it certainly wasn't from mine at the outset of this whole thing. But since finding out the true value and also the way FIL and BIL are behaving (potentially dishonestly) the value is obviously a factor now.
But for me it's mostly about the principal of the thing, the way they have gone over Dhs head and basically taken his watch and now seem to be dodging every attempt to get it back.
I'd love to be able to just drop in but FIL works (ironically gave all his money to his brother and is waiting for it back so he can retire!) and we aren't close, he's hard to connect to, very much a "geezer" you know and always "knows a guy" kind of thing. I couldn't just drop round.
So now I'm thinking I phone MIL for advice (they divorced years ago because she couldn't take his lack of presence in their family anymore, she's got a good measure of what he's like and warned me right at the beginning of all this).
Then I'm torn between phoning him up and asking to come get the watch today or texting him. He doesn't really text back as he's not techy at all. But I'd like a paper trail too.

There's also a big part of me saying walk away, draw a line, but I really want to find out the truth. We'd never ever sell the watch. I just don't like the way they've gone about this and need to know if we've been lied to.
I think DH should leave three medals to DDs and that will be a next step too whatever the outcome of this.

So will phone MIL at more appropriate time today, but to text or to ring? FIL will be at work today but his gf will be in. I wouldn't be comfortable just going round and taking it, that would make me as bad as them!

Do you know where it was taken to be repaired? May be worth popping in and asking for a copy of the quote. They way your in laws are behaving I'd be suspicious it's even going to cost £300 to have it fixed.

100% agree that it's about the principle of the thing. Best of luck to you in getting it back.

I also think that getting the DGF war medals properly mounted that would make a lovely gift for him, and it might make your DH re-think about willing them back to his brother. If you ever watch Antiques Roadshow they often have military memorabilia and medals would just be a part of that. They are often more sentimental than expensive but I do think that your 2 girls should be allowed inherit something from their great grandfather.
Also, what is to say that your BIL will outlive your DH? If it's the other way around, your DH really should think about passing to his offspring (not a nice way to say it but there you have it).

Hope you're able to get this sorted.

I would drop it as it is between DH and his DB and not between you and DMIL. The medals are the thing of value. DH should also write up DGF war history.