to feel bullied over breastfeeding

[user1473451513]

I'm posting a letter I'm sending to my government representatives and was interested to hear others' views on it. I'm in Scotland so no sure how pertinent it is for other parts of the UK or indeed around the world. I want to point out from the offset I am not anti breastfeeding, I am anti bullying.

I write to express my concern, disappointment and upset with regards to a government instigated bullying campaign. This is an issue which has been at the forefront for some time now and causes much angst for all affected. It is the issue of breastfeeding.
I can assure you that I fully understand all the health benefits of breastfeeding, both physical and emotional and there is no doubting that breastfeeding is the healthier option. However, those who do not breastfeed their children are made to feel inferior and I feel that this is a deliberate government policy to create stigma.
When I was pregnant with my son, I was fully intending to breastfeed, I had listened to and read about all the benefits and how it was the best choice for me and my baby. It wasn’t until much later on I realised just how little information I had been given about formula feeding. At the antenatal classes, there was very little discussion around formula feeding and the general information given was something along the lines of ‘make sure your bottles are sterilised’. I also began to realise just how little space in the ‘Ready, Steady, Baby’ book was dedicated to formula feeding versus the wealth of space given over to breastfeeding.
As good as my intentions were, it simply was not to be. I had been trying my absolute best and had completely exhausted myself trying to make it a success. Although I was making every effort to make it work, my son did not take to the breast at all. He got upset and distressed and through this I got upset and distressed. It began to affect my mental health and it was at this point we decided that the best option for us was to switch to formula feeding.
I could not believe it when my health visitor at my six week check demanded to know exactly when I stopped breast feeding – I had to tell her how old my son was when I stopped. To the very day. I was made to feel completely incompetent and was told that I should be getting myself along to the breastfeeding cafes or getting help from the breastfeeding support worker. I did not want this. I wanted to stop breastfeeding but this seemed to be deemed the worst decision ever.
I finally realised today that there is a government ploy to force women into breastfeeding and it was the most innocuous of discussions that made this clear to me. After discussion with a very kind sales assistant in Boots Chemists, I enquired as to why I wasn’t getting Advantage Card points for the baby milk and she told me that it was a government directive to ‘encourage’ women to breastfeed. I don’t feel encouraged to breastfeed – I feel like I am not good enough because I am not breastfeeding my son. I am made to feel that I am missing out and my son is missing out too.
I can assure you my son is healthy, happy and growing well. He gets all the nourishment he needs from his formula milk. I have formed a strong, close bond with him which has developed without breastfeeding.
I know many women feel this way and are victimised for making the correct choices for themselves and their babies. However, it seems that the government wants to tell us what the correct choices are and enforce them upon us. Because of this brainwashing, I find it very difficult to speak out about my feelings as so many people – mums and non-mums alike have been conditioned to believe that breastfeeding is the only way to go and if you’re not exclusively feeding your child yourself then you are the worst mum ever.
In closing, I would like to understand why the government are anti-choice when it comes to the matter of breastfeeding and why mothers who choose not to breastfeed their children are made to feel inadequate. I would like to know why a healthy balance of pros and cons of both formula and breast feeding is absent from any government pregnancy propaganda. I would like to know why I have been made to feel like it would be impossible to speak my mind about the topic and why my free speech is being stifled.
I look forward to reading your response.
Yours sincerely

user1473451513
Proud Formula Feeding Mum

I sympathise with you OP because I had a difficult time trying to breastfeed my son. I gave it 12 weeks and then moved on. I felt very low - guilty, sad etc. I feel like there should be some support in place for that. My GP kept an eye on me, but that was it.

People on these threads always say that if breastfeeding didn't work out then it is because you didn't have the right support. But it's not always true. I saw several midwives, went to three different breastfeeding groups multiple times, saw a lactation consultant almost weekly, had DS's tongue tie cut privately twice. None of it helped.

Ignoring the rest of your nonsense September I've reported your post for using a disablist slur.

Have also reported your vile post september

September. .
In all my time of being here. Never have I read such a rude disablist post. You aught to be damn well embarrassed at yourself. . A bit more, compassion and understanding. You'd be a narcissist.

Everyone ignore september it seems she has disdain not only for FF feeders and disabled people but for people on benefits, poor people and parents who work, based on previous threads, really not a person whose opinion is worth shit

Really sorry about my contribution to th feed last night, I will ask to have it removed , embarrassed to say id had a couple of glasses of wine and was feeling like a self righteous prat! In the light of day I dnt know what I was thinking and will ask to have it removed straight away!
I'm nt sure where the comment came from that I dnt like disabled / poor or working mums tho.. I did a post asking for help with 'posho' names but tht was only because I like th way they sounded
I'm honestly nt an awful person

Good lord September, I'm glad I I don't know you in real life. If you'd said that little rant to mewhil

...oops. While I was trying desperately to breastfeed a baby who could not latch despite all the help we received from lactation consultants, TT practitioners, midwives, BF peer supporters at groups etc etc etc through multiple bouts of mastitis, pain that made me scream through every feed and every expressing session, and a baby who screamed day and night before finally having to admit defeat, it would have made me feel absolutely worthless.

I see you've apologised but they say the truth comes out with drink. You say you're not a nasty person but you might want to have a stern word with yourself.

Thank you for your apology September I hope you're not like that in real life.

I have to say. Well done September it takes courage to apologise, even anonymously on an internet site.

Thank you for apologising september

I can't agree with you unfortunately. There's still way more stigma around breastfeeding in public. I had to stop breastfeeding my daughter as the support wasn't there and I was struggling. More support needs to be given. If you choose to formula feed that's your decision, it's your baby, do what's right for you. But it is far worse to be prevented from BFing successfully because there is no support. The questions and support your health visitor gave were not unreasonable. No one judges formula feeding mums, but they DO judge mums who BF in public, or for too long, or not long enough!
Put your efforts into getting WAY MORE support for BFing mums!

Goosey- please rtft. If more of us were supported we would have a stronger voice (and pound) in public. Formula feeding for many is not a choice. It is either that or your baby fails to thrive. Not much of a choice really.

Hi OP. I just wanted to say I think you wrote a really good letter and I had a similar experience to you when I had my children - bullied about breastfeeding. Thanks for sharing and good luck!

A good letter? In what way is it 'good'?

Willy in what way were you bullied, how and by whom?

"Formula feeding for many is not a choice. It is either that or your baby fails to thrive. Not much of a choice really. "

Breastfeeding is possible for the vast majority of women, with support.

But most UK mums choose to formula feed, fully or partially.

That's the reality.

However much 'bullying' is going on, it's not stopping women using formula in ever increasing quantities.

There really aren't ANY barriers to formula feeding, which is why almost everyone does it in some capacity (despite it not being necessary for most women).

Would add, regarding a lack of information about ff, the OP hasn't looked very hard. There's loads of information

• on NHS Choices
• From the free 'helplines' run by all the big formula companies
• From the Internet 'mums clubs' run by the likes of SMA etc.

Oh, and lots of information from other mothers, 98% of whom use formula at some point during the first year.

Oddly, despite all the complaints about lack of information, 50% of parents still ignore the manufacturers instructions on making up feeds safely that are printed on the back of formula tins. Fuck knows why. I wonder how many ignore the safety instructions on car seats and medicine bottles.

Mini - I completely disagree with your arguments which seek to minimise the effect that poor support has on BF numbers.
But you keep downplaying the effects poor support has on new Mums if that makes you happy.

*Breastfeeding is possible for the vast majority of women, with support.

But most UK mums choose to formula feed, fully or partially.*

"With support" is the most important part of that statement. I'd say most UK mums who formula feed did not choose to do so; they were deprived of the opportunity through lack of support.

But I know that doesn't support your "MORE POSTERS!" rhetoric so hey.

My friend is currently pregnant and says when the baby arrives it is being FF from the start as "breast feeding just seems like too much hard work".

Part of me thinks she will change her mind though when it's born. I don't think there's many women who don't even try it.

We know, from the regular surveys done ( qualitative and quantitative) that the majority of women who formula feed have not done it by choice - they end up 'choosing' to use formula because breastfeeding is not a good experience for them. That's not really a free choice.

Some women who purport to choose formula do so because they cannot imagine breastfeeding - it feels alien to them, or they have body issues, or their partners or mothers insist they don't breastfeed, or they think their friends will tell them they're disgusting, or they're worried about doing it in front of other people.

I don't think that is much of a free choice to FF either.

Whatever the reason for FF, it is personal and individual, and no one needs criticism or judgment.

Using formula is far more than just reading a tin. A tin does not address the often mixed feelings women have: a tin does not tell you about using formula alongside breastfeeding; a tin does not tell you what to do if you think your baby would be better off on a different brand. Women who use FF may need one to one, supportive and knowledgable help, just like BF women.

Write - I said FF from the start when pregnant with DD1 and I meant it. Saying it again this time round and mean it just as much. Didn't try it, didn't want to.

Something approaching 20 per cent of UK babies are FF from the start. So it's obviously not all that unusual. Frogers, up to you whether you answer this, obv, but do you feel you have made a free choice? And have you felt any bullying?

There are lots of women who dont even try breastfeeding.

I barely know anyone who attempted to breastfeed, i do know lots of people who FF straightaway. I was one of those.

There is alot of stigma about breastfeeding. People are disgusted by it in public. People are shamed into not doing it in front of people and to use a cover.

Breasts are heavily sexualised and thats why people frown so much about breastfeeding and see is as inappropriate etc

I am bothered by the term 'bullying' on this thread.

What constitutes bullying a mum into breastfeeding, how often does it happen, any data on this?

"Mini - I completely disagree with your arguments which seek to minimise the effect that poor support has on BF numbers."
I didn't think Mini was doing this. rather that presenting ff mothers as victims of a BF obsessed NHS is a little bit ignorant and rather hyperbolic. They are trying to do what's best by mothers and infants. not imposing something horrid and dangerous on people. Some perspective pls.