to feel bullied over breastfeeding

[user1473451513]

I'm posting a letter I'm sending to my government representatives and was interested to hear others' views on it. I'm in Scotland so no sure how pertinent it is for other parts of the UK or indeed around the world. I want to point out from the offset I am not anti breastfeeding, I am anti bullying.

I write to express my concern, disappointment and upset with regards to a government instigated bullying campaign. This is an issue which has been at the forefront for some time now and causes much angst for all affected. It is the issue of breastfeeding.
I can assure you that I fully understand all the health benefits of breastfeeding, both physical and emotional and there is no doubting that breastfeeding is the healthier option. However, those who do not breastfeed their children are made to feel inferior and I feel that this is a deliberate government policy to create stigma.
When I was pregnant with my son, I was fully intending to breastfeed, I had listened to and read about all the benefits and how it was the best choice for me and my baby. It wasn’t until much later on I realised just how little information I had been given about formula feeding. At the antenatal classes, there was very little discussion around formula feeding and the general information given was something along the lines of ‘make sure your bottles are sterilised’. I also began to realise just how little space in the ‘Ready, Steady, Baby’ book was dedicated to formula feeding versus the wealth of space given over to breastfeeding.
As good as my intentions were, it simply was not to be. I had been trying my absolute best and had completely exhausted myself trying to make it a success. Although I was making every effort to make it work, my son did not take to the breast at all. He got upset and distressed and through this I got upset and distressed. It began to affect my mental health and it was at this point we decided that the best option for us was to switch to formula feeding.
I could not believe it when my health visitor at my six week check demanded to know exactly when I stopped breast feeding – I had to tell her how old my son was when I stopped. To the very day. I was made to feel completely incompetent and was told that I should be getting myself along to the breastfeeding cafes or getting help from the breastfeeding support worker. I did not want this. I wanted to stop breastfeeding but this seemed to be deemed the worst decision ever.
I finally realised today that there is a government ploy to force women into breastfeeding and it was the most innocuous of discussions that made this clear to me. After discussion with a very kind sales assistant in Boots Chemists, I enquired as to why I wasn’t getting Advantage Card points for the baby milk and she told me that it was a government directive to ‘encourage’ women to breastfeed. I don’t feel encouraged to breastfeed – I feel like I am not good enough because I am not breastfeeding my son. I am made to feel that I am missing out and my son is missing out too.
I can assure you my son is healthy, happy and growing well. He gets all the nourishment he needs from his formula milk. I have formed a strong, close bond with him which has developed without breastfeeding.
I know many women feel this way and are victimised for making the correct choices for themselves and their babies. However, it seems that the government wants to tell us what the correct choices are and enforce them upon us. Because of this brainwashing, I find it very difficult to speak out about my feelings as so many people – mums and non-mums alike have been conditioned to believe that breastfeeding is the only way to go and if you’re not exclusively feeding your child yourself then you are the worst mum ever.
In closing, I would like to understand why the government are anti-choice when it comes to the matter of breastfeeding and why mothers who choose not to breastfeed their children are made to feel inadequate. I would like to know why a healthy balance of pros and cons of both formula and breast feeding is absent from any government pregnancy propaganda. I would like to know why I have been made to feel like it would be impossible to speak my mind about the topic and why my free speech is being stifled.
I look forward to reading your response.
Yours sincerely

user1473451513
Proud Formula Feeding Mum

[ghostyslovesheep]

I didn't say you had :)

[Catsize]

It also added to my major guilt trip that my daughter's first proper feed was formula as I didn't get proper colostrum for her but the milk came in later. I cried giving her a bottle.

[idontlikealdi]

I think you're taking your own personal guilt a bit too far op.

[Cheby]

More bullying I say! We have the shittest BF rates in Europe, our HVs are obviously not going in hard enough. They should be standing over women threatening to steal their lunch money or flush their heads down the toilet unless they EBF their babies until at least 6 months.

[reallyanotherone]

when I had my DCs I found all the breast feeding posters and information were just lip service - what the hospital midwives actually wanted was for everyone to bottle feed as that meant they could measure the amount the baby was taking. I was there a while - my dear, yours is a very big baby, she might just need a bit of a top up; my dear, yours is a rather small baby, she needs to be topped up, my goodness, what a hungry baby --- yes, everyone's baby at the slightest hint of an issue, was going to be better off being bottle fed. Despite the posters.

This. I was offered formula at every turn "ooh, feeding again, shall i go get formula, give you a break", etc.

Theres a reason most mothers don't bf past 6 weeks, despite all the posters. There is not enough support, amd it is bottle feeding that is the norm.

[MyBreadIsEggy]

get one of these down you

[OvariesForgotHerPassword]

I sort of see where the OP is coming from ish. I'm a firm believer that the NHS needs to stop wasting money on posters to convince people who don't want to breastfeed, and more on supporting women who do want to breastfeed because the practical support is woeful. Really dreadful.

[OTheHugeManatee]

I sympathise with the thrust of your argument, which is that the discourse around BF is much stronger on moral pressure than it is on actual technical help with something many people find difficult. But don't send that letter, you sound a bit mad in it. Take a breath, take a step back, enjoy your baby; no-one will be able to tell in ten years how he or she was fed as a newborn.

[MetalPetal86]

Despite the fact that I did breastfeed, I understand what you're saying. Clearly there is a policy of trying to persuade women to do it, for good reason indeed but there is a lot of guilt attached to this persuasion imo and from my experience.

Send your letter. I think it's reasonable and Fwiw I don't think it's over the top.

[teainbed]

The date you stopped feeding is for the Government statistics. So they can work out breastfeeding rates. It's not directed at you personally but there's a form to fill in and they have to write something in the box.

[Imaginosity]

I cant breastfeed as I had breast cancer but I have no problem whatsoever with the government promoting the healthier option.

I don't feel bullied at all. When I'm asked about breastfeeding I just say I'm not - and if asked why then I just explain. No big deal.

No mother feeding a newborn milk - whether formula it breast milk gets advantage club points from boots.

There is no need to have as much information provided about bottle feeding as its quite straightforward.

I think you're seeing a big conspiracy when it's really just promotion of the healthier option.

[AppleMagic]

I expect the amount of money spent by the government promoting (and supporting) breastfeeding is just a small fraction of the amount spent by formula companies seeking ways round the first milk promotion ban. Also for all the posters on hospital wards, think how many references there are to bottle feeding on tv and other popular culture. Less than half of mothers in Scotland breastfeed at all let alone exclusively (going by the ten day check statistics). Formula feeders are really not the oppressed minority you believe them to be.

[whattodowiththepoo]

"regards to a government instigated bullying campaign."
Full of shit.

[takesnoprisoners]

Too Long to Read and oh Take that.

[somefarawaydream]

Our rates of breastfeeding are so poor though OP, we have to do something. I don't get advantage points for breastfeeding

You should have had more support to establish your breastfeeding IF you wanted it. It's the support that is lacking. That's what's poor, so many people stop because they don't have the right support. People who don't WANT to breastfeed I agree should never feel bad. The ante natal classes are geared towards breastfeeding because there are so many problems that occur, so they try to prepare you a little. There's not as much to bottle feeding.

For the record I mix feed my son, I have never felt prejudice from either 'side'. I hate threads like this that create a divide between BF/ FF mums. If you were my friend I wouldn't think any differently about you or have a negative opinion of you if you whipped a bottle out instead of a boob. I really don't care.

[BodsAuntieFlo]

Why all the biscuits for the OP? Yes, she may be new, yes there may have been under bridge dwellers on here before but FFS there must be lots of mothers feeling as the OP does.

Not everyone can or wants to BF for many reasons. Give her a bloody break!

[DonkeyOaty]

OhtheRoses I am so sorry

[WiMoChi]

Yawn! HVs, midwives and governments are not responsible for your insecurities about how you feed your kids.

What pisses me off most about this debate is the huge pity party from formula feeders and how breastfeeding mothers darent talk about their BF achievements for fear of upsetting a FF parent. And for fear of being accused of being judgmental.

I'm proud I've fed through cracked nipples, three lots of mastitis, illnesses, several blocked ducts and a pregnancy to give my child the very best start in life. I'm proud I put my child first.

It's a fact of life, science and nature that human milk is best for human babies. Good on anyone who promotes it!

Whatsmore, knowing the pros and cons, what would the infant choose?

[ToadsforJustice]

However you feed your baby, choose what is best for you. Your baby will thrive anyway. Ignore HV, MW and all the other breast bullies. IME, they don't seem to care about women as individuals - it's all about stats, guidelines and policies.

[Liara]

Are you paid by Nestle or do you work for them for free?

[GruffaloPants]

What do you feel was missing from the 4 pages devoted to formula feeding in "ready steady baby"?

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

I felt completely bullied into breastfeeding DS1. He was born at 37 weeks as an emergency due to pre-eclampsia and, to be honest, I hadn't even considered how I would feed him. I had only gone on maternity leave the day before I was admitted to hospital (at 34 weeks) and had thought "oh first babies are always late, I have 7-8 weeks to buy stuff & think about all that".

My mum had to go out & buy clothes & other things.

I tried breastfeeding on the MW's insistence/orders with no information about FF at all. I hated it. DS1 hated it. Eventually, on that first night, a lovely midwife came to us & saw us both crying. She said "would you like to try a bit of formula just so that he's had something?" I said "yes please" and he drank 2ozs straight down & went to sleep. Because he had been induced early my milk hadn't yet come in & he was hungry.

Then the day staff came on duty. I was forced (I.e. I was refused formula) to try and breastfeed for 4 agonising days & nights. I hated it. DS1 hated it. We were discharged on day 5. My lovely community midwife visited the next morning and, seeing how the situation was, said "you know, there's no shame in using formula if baby is happier with that" and sent DH out to get some to try.

DS1 was bottle fed from that day on & I have no regrets about that.

With DS2 & DD I told the midwives in hospital that I would be using formula from the word go. I was adamant about it & wasn't challenged thankfully.

Despite that, I do still recognise that breastfeeding is what nature intended & the ideal, all being well. No, it doesn't work for all of us. No, there is no shame in bottle feeding but I still wouldn't support your letter.

[FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose]

Do I swipe my Advantage card between my boobs? I can't figure out how to use the chip. Don't want to miss out on my points!!

[glueandstick]

What's ready, steady, baby?

The support for BF new mothers is bloody shocking. I could rant for days about pre and post natal support.

[WellErrr]

FFS