to feel bullied over breastfeeding

[user1473451513]

I'm posting a letter I'm sending to my government representatives and was interested to hear others' views on it. I'm in Scotland so no sure how pertinent it is for other parts of the UK or indeed around the world. I want to point out from the offset I am not anti breastfeeding, I am anti bullying.

I write to express my concern, disappointment and upset with regards to a government instigated bullying campaign. This is an issue which has been at the forefront for some time now and causes much angst for all affected. It is the issue of breastfeeding.
I can assure you that I fully understand all the health benefits of breastfeeding, both physical and emotional and there is no doubting that breastfeeding is the healthier option. However, those who do not breastfeed their children are made to feel inferior and I feel that this is a deliberate government policy to create stigma.
When I was pregnant with my son, I was fully intending to breastfeed, I had listened to and read about all the benefits and how it was the best choice for me and my baby. It wasn’t until much later on I realised just how little information I had been given about formula feeding. At the antenatal classes, there was very little discussion around formula feeding and the general information given was something along the lines of ‘make sure your bottles are sterilised’. I also began to realise just how little space in the ‘Ready, Steady, Baby’ book was dedicated to formula feeding versus the wealth of space given over to breastfeeding.
As good as my intentions were, it simply was not to be. I had been trying my absolute best and had completely exhausted myself trying to make it a success. Although I was making every effort to make it work, my son did not take to the breast at all. He got upset and distressed and through this I got upset and distressed. It began to affect my mental health and it was at this point we decided that the best option for us was to switch to formula feeding.
I could not believe it when my health visitor at my six week check demanded to know exactly when I stopped breast feeding – I had to tell her how old my son was when I stopped. To the very day. I was made to feel completely incompetent and was told that I should be getting myself along to the breastfeeding cafes or getting help from the breastfeeding support worker. I did not want this. I wanted to stop breastfeeding but this seemed to be deemed the worst decision ever.
I finally realised today that there is a government ploy to force women into breastfeeding and it was the most innocuous of discussions that made this clear to me. After discussion with a very kind sales assistant in Boots Chemists, I enquired as to why I wasn’t getting Advantage Card points for the baby milk and she told me that it was a government directive to ‘encourage’ women to breastfeed. I don’t feel encouraged to breastfeed – I feel like I am not good enough because I am not breastfeeding my son. I am made to feel that I am missing out and my son is missing out too.
I can assure you my son is healthy, happy and growing well. He gets all the nourishment he needs from his formula milk. I have formed a strong, close bond with him which has developed without breastfeeding.
I know many women feel this way and are victimised for making the correct choices for themselves and their babies. However, it seems that the government wants to tell us what the correct choices are and enforce them upon us. Because of this brainwashing, I find it very difficult to speak out about my feelings as so many people – mums and non-mums alike have been conditioned to believe that breastfeeding is the only way to go and if you’re not exclusively feeding your child yourself then you are the worst mum ever.
In closing, I would like to understand why the government are anti-choice when it comes to the matter of breastfeeding and why mothers who choose not to breastfeed their children are made to feel inadequate. I would like to know why a healthy balance of pros and cons of both formula and breast feeding is absent from any government pregnancy propaganda. I would like to know why I have been made to feel like it would be impossible to speak my mind about the topic and why my free speech is being stifled.
I look forward to reading your response.
Yours sincerely

user1473451513
Proud Formula Feeding Mum

Wrong, Thatsnot.

Most women do not 'choose' how to feed their babies.

The majority of uk women want to breastfeed. But nine out of ten of them who stop before six weeks stopped before they wanted or planned to.

And if you think the whole thing is as simple as merely labelling one 'choice' as 'natural' and the other as 'artificial', then I suggest you RTFT.

More stats , Honey , and a DAily Fail reference. Lovely.

Honey

Same happened to me, first time. I agree

*Thatsnot8

Many of us don't get to choose

Free, the midwife was lying.

Or else she had sadly misunderstood her professional role.

What hcps cannot and should not do is recommend a brand of formula (bar specialist ones for intolerant or allergic babies). This is perfectly in line with ensuring evidence based practice as brand X is no better than brand Y.

But the use of formula and its safe preparation and how to ensure the baby is held comfortably etc etc - that should be freely shared with any mother who needs the info.

In fact it's negligent not to share it, as safe prep guidance has changed in the last few years and some mothers may not realise.

Free, the Mail article had already been referenced, and the comments of it give a good picture of what mothers today actually do.

To point out that the vast majority of mothers use formula is relevant to the discussion surely?

Your response to Honey's comment is part of what I am on about! We should be aware that what we say may not help the notion that mothers should try to be on each other's side :) There's no room for snark.

Personally I don't agree with the ban on tesco points and boots points. I find it patronising. As if you would feed your baby formula just because of the points!!! Making a comparison to not getting points on Breastmillk is just silly. You get tesco club card points on the food you buy to feed yourself which give you energy to make milk. It is singling something out of a general food shop and specifically not giving points for it just to make women feel bad and that is just horrible.
And yes I am breastfeeding exclusively my second at 8 months old, I mixed fed my first. My experience with health professionals was pretty positive. I topped up both babies in the hospital and in the first few days. Nobody made a fuss of it. I think it is easy to get a bit hysterical about it and misread every little comment the health pros say especially when you have just had a baby and hormones are allover the place. They want to help and encourage but get accused of being pushy. They tell you it's ok to give formula and get accused of being unsupportive of bf. They can't really win.

"More stats , Honey , and a DAily Fail reference. Lovely."

Don't try and discredit me because I'm mentioning stats, what I'm saying makes sense. Is your aversion to statistics and evidence part of the "we hate experts' bandwagon people seem to jump on in recent times?

OP's 'letter' is ridiculous, ignorant and utterly self absorbed. I'm happy to admit that I have also behaved in ridiculous and self-absorbed ways when I first became a parent, I believe we all do due to a mixture of sleep deprivation, hormones, and the challenges of adapting to our new and often bewildering role. Thankfully MN is a great reality checker

Breastmilk is the ideal food for most babies unless there are allergy issues. It is completely up to parents to decide how they wish to feed their infants. All parents should be given access to constant infant feeding support during the first six months, this could be done online and with trained BF / peer supporters.

I agree with TT that BF promotion needs to have a massive overhaul but then, the whole health system in the UK needs an overhaul.

Why do people overeat if they know it's bad for them?
Why do people smoke, drink play Rugby? Because people often don't make rational make choice in regards to their health. Just to be told breast is best is not terribly helpful.

"Personally I don't agree with the ban on tesco points and boots points. I find it patronising." This is due to the International Code of Marketing of Breast-Milk Substitutes an international WHO treaty that is there for extremely good and important reasons. Basically the treaty saves lives. Please let's not be petty about missing out on a few Boots vouchers, seriously.

One is natural (it's the way we've naturally evolved to feed our babies), and the other is artificial (but it still feeds babies). That's indisputable, it's just the way it is - and I don't need to rtft for that, cheers for the suggestion though.

No. My hating of stats is to do with the fact that throughout this thread they have been used as a substitute for acknowledging nhs failure to support struggling Mums. As for the daily fail - it no more influenced my decision to give up BF than an ant walking on the opposite side of the road.

I too am sometimes taken aback by the strength of feeling related to bloody boots or tesco points! You know, the ones worth .0001 p or whatever :)

I suppose if you really think the law is there to make ff mothers feel crap, then you're gonna be pissed off. But it's not.

It's the infant formula and follow on regulations UK (not the WHO code, Honey, which is not law in the UK). However, like the WHO code, it restricts formula marketing (much more weakly than the WHO code) and for sound, ethical reasons.

Points are a very small and monetarily almost worthless aspect of all this, but the lack of points is at least consistent with the law that allows permanent low prices (which we never see - formula is expensive and prices could be a lot lower), but not temporary price cuts, special offers, individual retailers' cuts (or points), that might make one brand more attractive that week or month compared to another.

When manufacturers and retailers are allowed unfettered marketing they go for it in a big way (US government has just stepped in to prevent outrageous health claims, for example). So I am glad mothers and babies have a bit of protection in the UK, though I would like to see brands drop their prices permanently.

Flipping heck, free, the stats SHOW the NHS is not doing a good job! It's collecting and disseminating statistics on infant feeding that demonstrate the job that needs doing. The personal experiences - here and in Mail comments - put a bit of personal, qualitative flesh on the statistical bones. Both sets of info - the figures and the experiences - are relevant.

A big part of many people not bf is the fact that the majority bottle feed.

Therefore "normal" behaviour for a baby is to feed every 4 hours, sleep through at 6 weeks, have solid poo, gain weight at x lbs per month.

Bf babies do not behave the same as bottle fed. My mother genuinely thought I was harming my baby because she was "always" hungry (fed every 2 hours), didn't sleep through until 8m, and had very runny bf poo. She pleaded with me to a)see a dr, and b)bottle feed. She also thought it was awful that i fed in public.

Most of the population know someone who has bottle fed. Very few know anyone who has bf and can reassure them on what's normal.

But some people (mws and hvs) use the stats to put pressure on new Mums. Instead of putting their own house in order.

Free, I expect you are right, that there will be some hcps who use stats to put pressure on mothers (not sure how this would work - I suppose they might say '90 per cent of mothers in this area breastfeed so I am surprised you are not' which is not great!).

But I don't understand why that means we cannot mention stats in a discussion thread, or why you had a pop at people using them perfectly relevantly.

When i ff dd 4 years ago nobody said anything to me about it. Actually i had one person who breastfed comment that the reason my dd had colic was because she was ff and it was very common in ff babies!

I had a friend who breastfed due to not being able to afford formula and her son has no end of problems including colic etc. She complained about breastfeeding but couldnt afford formula so she just had to get on with it.

It didnt even cross my mind to breastfeed.

really, your experience is not uncommon. People have expectations about babies which don't match with normal BF behaviour ( and actually, ff babies shouldn't be expected to feed at set intervals either ). A mother who's feeling under confident can be very affected by this.

Earlier in the thread the re was a whole sequence when people refused to engage with the problem that new mums have and instead, rattled off stats about BF rates in the uk. And yes, hvs and a mw said shit like that to me.

In the UK, Apple?

Healthy Start vouchers can be exchanged for formula milk - if your friend was on a low income/ benefits, she could have applied for them. They cover a good proportion of the formula cost.

Tik

Yes UK but she is a sahm and her partner works full time. Maybe she had high outgoings that she couldnt cut back on or was just over the eligibility threshold.

welshgirl

Almost all of those slogans have been used by the NCT in particular the every feed counts

I rather suspect september does not agree with my view that we should avoid judgmental moralising, and that it helps no one.

FFS.

bottle feelings easy and BF isn't. Iv done both. There's no conspiracy, if anything there's a lack of BF support. Bottle is still more popular than BF for whatever choices.

Mother constantly feel guilty, feedings just one issue. If a mother who stops breastfeeding is even asked an innocuous question about feeding they see it as an attack, rather than someone offering support