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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to dread today after dh yelled at me in front of my mum

113 replies

grahamcoxonsglasses · 09/09/2016 08:56

Last night, dh called me a fucking stupid deaf bitch, while my mum was within earshot (she's staying for my birthday weekend)

Context - our bedtime, 11:30ish dh checked on ds (8) who doesn't sleep !!

Me: Is he in bed?
DH: Yes
Me: Is he actually asleep? (in a surprised way!)
DH: He's going to get some water
Me: So he's not asleep?
DH: Like I said, he's going to get some water, you stupid deaf bitch.

This was completely out of the blue. My mum was just behind me, so i closed the door and told DH not to speak to me like that in front of my mum and he just got louder with a really aggressive tone.

So, I said goodnight to my mum and got into bed and did that silent crying thing. Ended up on the sofa, which i've explained away as being the result of a daddy longlegs in my room.

Today, I have the day off work to go shopping with my mum - it's going to be awkward and she's going to want to know why he spoke to me like that and I'll have to pretend it was nothing.

He's ruined my weekend.
:(

OP posts:
Graceflorrick · 09/09/2016 08:59

How dare he speak to you like that, OP. Are you happy together?

VioletBam · 09/09/2016 09:00

But it wasn't nothing.

Don't pretend. Tell her he's never done anything like that before....and you're as shocked as she is.

Has he done it before?

RochelleGoyle · 09/09/2016 09:00

Why do you have to pretend it was nothing? He has obviously upset you. His behaviour was disgusting. I'm assuming you don't feel comfortable talking to your mum about it?

Arfarfanarf · 09/09/2016 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Handbag169flowers · 09/09/2016 09:01

Surely it's not okay for him to speak to you like that in any circumstance, so regardless of whether your mother is within earshot?
Did you tell him that?
If your mother brings it up, tell her that it's not appropriate for him to speak to you like that, and that you have spoken to him about it/ are going to speak to him about it tonight.
Thank her for her concern, but hopefully you are able to stand up to this language on your own.
Good luck x

DementedUnicorn · 09/09/2016 09:02

What a wankpot. No one should be shouting or cursing at you, especially in your own home.

regularbutpanickingabit · 09/09/2016 09:02

If I was your mum I would be extremely worried about you. If he can talk like that when he know she is there then how on earth does he treat you behind closed doors? This is not about feeling awkward, this is about discovering your child is possibly in an abusive relationship and wanting to help. You miniming his behaviour and trying to pretend it's all ok doesn't help.

Please talk to your mum honestly.

alltouchedout · 09/09/2016 09:03

Oh OP, are you sure he's never done anything like this before? Why do you feel you have to minimise this and protect him? My mum would have gone ballistic but it wouldn't have made a difference because before shed have drawn breath I'd have been annihilating the nasty cunt myself. Are you afraid of him?

Evergreen17 · 09/09/2016 09:03

oP so sorry. That is so no right. Dont pretend. There is no shame. You have done nothing wrong.
Dont hide it, that is how it all begins, when we cover for our DPs completely wrong behaviour
Hug

SugarMiceInTheRain · 09/09/2016 09:03

Why pretend it didn't happen? If this behaviour is normal when other people are not in earshot then maybe talking to your mum will give you a push to making a stand against it. I'd be livid if DH ever spoke to me like that, alone or in front of people.

IAmcuriousyellow · 09/09/2016 09:03

I'd want to know why he spoke to my daughter like that too if I were your mum. I'd also be giving him hard stares. Why would you want to pretend though? You know she heard it, you can't sugarcoat getting called stupid deaf bitch. Flowers

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/09/2016 09:03

I'm not sure I could be with anyone who some to me like that, that's shocking!

Bestthingever · 09/09/2016 09:05

He knew your mum heard and he got louder? He's a prick.

Blu · 09/09/2016 09:05

YANBU to dread today, but not because your Mum heard!!!

Don't pretend it didn't happen. Tell her your actual feelings and that you intend to make sure that he doesn't talk to you like that again. And then follow through . She might have some advice.

I would demand that he apologise.

At the very least.

Bumpmadethemjump · 09/09/2016 09:06

Tell him to bugger off under a rock somewhere so you can enjoy your birthday weekend. Get rid of him.

phillipp · 09/09/2016 09:07

As others have said, why pretend it wasn't nothing.

Talk to her. If it's a one off, there is something seriously worrying going off with him. My dh has never spoken to me like that. If he did I would be furious, but I would also be wanting to get to the bottom of what the hell was going on that changed him. My conversation with my mum would be about how upset I was and what she thought might be going on and asking advice.

If it's a regular thing (which I suspect it is) I would tell her everything and ask advice or for help.

Pretending it's nothing isn't helping anyone. She knows it's not 'nothing'. And it's excusing his shitty behaviour.

flippinada · 09/09/2016 09:09

That's awful! Why do you have to pretend it was nothing? It wasn't nothing and I'm not surprised you're upset. Flowers

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 09/09/2016 09:10

I confess I may well have given a slightly sarcastic response to the question "so he's not asleep?" had I just advised that DS was off to get some water. Blush

How the hell he thinks calling you a "stupid deaf bitch" is an acceptable response is beyond me though. Does he have form for this? Was he in an otherwise pleasant mood before this outburst? Confused

hellsbellsmelons · 09/09/2016 09:10

If my DD told me that sort of thing was 'nothing' I would be very worried indeed.
It would mean that it happens all the time and I'd be doing all I could to get her away from verbal abuse like that.
Don't underplay it.
It was an awful thing to say to you.
Make sure you mum knows you won't be putting up with it again.
And mean it!!!!

ConvincingLiar · 09/09/2016 09:13

Don't cover for him. Get some support from your mum. He is the only one that should be embarrassed by his bad behaviour.

YouTheCat · 09/09/2016 09:13

Talk to your mum. Don't just brush this under the carpet.

CalmItKermitt · 09/09/2016 09:14

My DH would be picking his teeth out of the carpet if he spoke to me like that! Awful!

flippinada · 09/09/2016 09:14

I somehow missed it was your birthday - that's even worse (not that it's ok to speak to treat you like that at any time, ever). Now I may be way off beam here but does he have form for this sort of thing? Not just speaking to you in this way but doing something to spoil a special event?

Is there a reason why you feel you can't talk to your Mum? If I was your Mum or friend I'd be furious with him and worried /concerned for you.

trafalgargal · 09/09/2016 09:17

It's OK for him to talk to you like that in front of your children but not your Mum ?

You sure about that ? You want your son to grow up thinking that's how a man should speak to his partner ?

Desmondo2016 · 09/09/2016 09:18

That's entirely unacceptable and I'm assuming this is not a completely out of the blue thing, maybe more the first time it's been overheard by someone else. Please please open up to your mum. Don't hide this. I hope you salvage something of an enjoyable birthday weekend.

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