..to dread today after dh yelled at me in front of my mum

[grahamcoxonsglasses]

Last night, dh called me a fucking stupid deaf bitch, while my mum was within earshot (she's staying for my birthday weekend)

Context - our bedtime, 11:30ish dh checked on ds (8) who doesn't sleep !!

Me: Is he in bed?
DH: Yes
Me: Is he actually asleep? (in a surprised way!)
DH: He's going to get some water
Me: So he's not asleep?
DH: Like I said, he's going to get some water, you stupid deaf bitch.

This was completely out of the blue. My mum was just behind me, so i closed the door and told DH not to speak to me like that in front of my mum and he just got louder with a really aggressive tone.

So, I said goodnight to my mum and got into bed and did that silent crying thing. Ended up on the sofa, which i've explained away as being the result of a daddy longlegs in my room.

Today, I have the day off work to go shopping with my mum - it's going to be awkward and she's going to want to know why he spoke to me like that and I'll have to pretend it was nothing.

He's ruined my weekend.
:(

Text back 'if you are every verbally abusive like that again, don't bother coming home. We will be finished. This us your final chance'

GoldFish: No decent man would ever speak to his wife like that absent the most extreme provocation.

Don't leave this until there are no kids/parents around. You need to put down a marker right now that he should never ever speak to you like that again. If you leave it for a few days you will be in the same situation again in the future, I can guarantee.

That's such a half hearted apology. It's like he can't even be arsed pretending he's sorry about it all. It's just because he believes if he says it you will accept it.
I really hope you can find some strength and sort it out xx

That wasn't an apology that was a piss poor excuse. He's a horrible man to treat you like this and your mums judgement is probably the right one. How would you react if your child was grown and their partner acted this way? Probably the way your mum does.

Hmmm, I see that you didn't completely address how your mum is "judgey". Perhaps she is and some of it is directed at you. I was only going by the concept that she's with you on your birthday weekend, which I assumed would be nice for you.

However, if your mum is judgey and not supportive in general, that can change logistics a bit. But the main advice would be the same: [D]H is on his last warning (normally I'm LTB and I am even now, but giving you some wriggle space).

I've recently been involved with a women's shelter

Fascinating Maqueen. How did you get involved and what do you do there?

That text is a piss poor apology for an apology.

My response to someone talking to me like that would have been along the lines of 'who in the fuck do you think you're talking to'. Plenty of couples argue, that's quite normal. However it's not normal or acceptable to insult and name call like this.
Not that it's even relevant but I would have been exactly the same as you and would have clarified because he gave you two contradicting statements : how can be be both in bed and going for a drink at the same time.

I'm always tired (bloody kids!) but manage to be nice to people. I bet he doesn't say that shit to his colleagues.

Hope you're all right, OP.

Reply 'not good enough'.
He's a shit and I'm sorry you're going through this.
Could you go to your mother's?

You cannot just let him think it's ok. If you don't want to have it out while your mum is visiting fine but you have to let him know you will be discussing it later, that it is not fine. You need to reply That's a pathetic excuse for an apology, I don't want to face this out in front of my mum but once she has left we should discuss why you think I will stay in a relationship when you think you can talk to me like that.