I'm so sorry it's about disabled bus seats

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

But It's absolutely not the normal "having a dig" thread and if I wasn't torturing myself about the situation I promise I wouldn't post it.

So I don't drip feed: I'm autistic and have an invisible physical disability.

The bus to DD's nursery was just a small one on this occasion and there was one wheelchair/disabled seat. The front seats have 'elderly' signs on and there's a sign on the wheelchair seat saying something like "This seat is for wheelchair users. Small prams and buggies may use this seat but must move if a wheelchair user needs access". Totally acceptable, I have no dispute.

So basically what happened was I got on to pick DD up from nursery, normally we go in the car but only DP drives and he was called to work. I have 6 month old DS in his pram (Silver Cross Wayfarer if it's relevant coz I can't fold it). I was in a lot of pain that day or I would have used his sling, i physically couldn't do it. In fact I kind of lean on the pram like a zimmer frame IYSWIM.

Pay for my ticket, park pram in the space and sit in the disabled seat. Every other seat on the bus is taken. Elderly people in the front seats. Halfway through the journey we reach a bus station and a lady in a wheelchair is in the queue, bus driver tells me to get off. Normally I'd 100% do this but I wouldn't have made DD's pick up.... She is only 4 so can't exactly wait another 30mins for the next bus.

I start having a panic attack with the situation and kind of splutter out that I really need to catch the bus. The absolutely lovely lady in the wheelchair says she's only taking her shopping home and will wait for the next bus.

Bus driver, assuming I guess that I'm just a snotty young entitled mother demanding the seat, continues to tell me to get off the bus. I start to cry.

I manage to choke out that I'm also disabled and get told "aye of course you are love, what kind of person takes a seat from someone in a wheelchair". It then felt like he was pitting us off one another, like some awful 'disability contest' saying things like "go on then what have you got, is it worse?"

The lady eventually gets through to him that she really isn't in a rush and goes out of the station so he can't just sit and wait for her. He reluctantly drives off with a shitty attitude and a grunt

I don't know what I'd have done without her lovely calm demeanor. I'm still absolutely mortified that I didn't get off the bus though, if it wasn't for DD there's no way I'd have stayed on.

Totally prepared to hear I WBU, especially for starting a bus seat thread. But I can't stop thinking about it and have noone to discuss with IRL

In hindsight I would have caught an earlier bus but usually they have big ones with 3 disabled/pram seats so I didn't think.

I agree Scroobius, I don't understand why I'm expected to not be able to use a bus unless any other person doesn't need it especially when someone was kind enough to let me. I'm pretty sure the lady in the wheelchair was offended that the driver thought she wasn't capable of waiting like anyone else and thats why she left.

Myla that wouldn't do any good because I can't fold it or hold DC noone is actually reading this thread though are they because I'm saying stuff a million times. How is it acceptable to blame me for the guilt someone else was probably not feeling?!

I've said from the start I can accept fully I WBU for not making better plans and for having to be in the w/c space and possibly for not getting off anyway (even though the space would then have been empty and DD would have been left at nursery). But there's no way on earth I'll accept IABU for having autism in the first place because it makes other people feel bad?!

Everytime I think MN is there for the vulnerable for support even if I was BU.... Someone always comes along and plays stupid mind games and targets people who can't defend themselves very well. Just proves that this isn't the place it makes out to be at all

Scroobius "I just think taking the wheelchair space label completely literally is a bit over the top." Not to the wheelchair users, surely?! And not to the bus drivers either. How are they supposed to know? And if the passengers explained their situation, how is he meant to choose between the two?

The only way he can operate in that situation is to back the wheelchair user for the wheelchair space. If he backed the non-wheelchair user especially a pram, it would be very hard to justify if the wheelchair user should complain.

Newspaper
There have been too many people on this thread who have completely failed to read or process the difficulties you have.
Please don't take the nasty comments to heart, those posters are ignorant.
Take care of yourself and your babies. I have absolutely no doubt that you will raise them with more consideration and acceptance of others than many others.

I agree MylaMimi the rule is there to support the driver in making a black and white decision rather than a grey area one. However in this case, as in the rest of life, it wasn't a black and white decision and the w/c user said she could wait. If she hadn't then the driver could have made OP leave using the "black and white" view of the rule, he wouldn't have needed to be an arse about it though. It's made into a bit of a non issue from the w/c user PoV by the fact that she said she would wait, if she was really incapable of doing for whatever invisible reason (because contrary to some beliefs not having use of your legs doesn't make waiting any more inconvenient) then surely there would have been a clue to that effect as with OP.

I have an invisible disability and I use a stick or weigh the buggy down if I have baby and Zimmer it too. Report him. It's awful.

I haven't had this happen but I've talked to friends (some who are wheelchair bound, as I am at times) and we have a plan.

Clearly state that you have a servere disability that means you are unable to fold the pram. Offer to sit on the chair and hold baby whilst someone folds it. If required ask for someone to sit next to you for extra support.

That way you are willing to move. Most stations have extra people who could help. If it's a small station the driver could do it. I get anxiety so have it written down so I don't forget or panic etc.

I actually had a confrontation about a toilet once and it's made me a tad paranoid! I want To Help wheelchair users but I don't feel that one disability trumps another for bus use.

There are many people on here for whom these issues are clearly more emotive than they are for me so I'm just going to leave it with a hope that both you and the lovely lady who let you stay on the bus are both ok OP and hope that eventually the world will be a much nicer place for all to get around rather than just those to who society has decided to give space.

OP, I don't know the ins and outs of the UK systems, but would there be any help available with someone to pick up your child on the days your partner works? Obviously getting to the childcare is a challenge for you, even without incidents like this one, but if there was a service that you could access with someone who could do the pickup for you, or a taxi service to pick your child up, could that take the pressure off? Do you have a health care worker or social worker you could ask?

I hear you Dixie. I decided not to post anymore on this because I would only get jumped on and I can do without more shit.

i read 5 pages before typing this so sorry if you've already said

Had you paid for the journey to the nursery? Even more so if it's single/return ticket. Technically that idiot of a driver could have been leaving you stranded penniless to get to your child.
For all its a wheelchair bay, if the bus is full completely they are just meant to drive on unless ones getting off there and then they usually shout "ive only got space for X"

I'd definitely invest in a cheap sturdy folding pram for future, I'm sure there will be an old lady who'd hold your baby happily while you fold it (my friends just as a button you push with your foot and it pops) you might never need to fold it again but it's better than the stress of not knowing what to do. And if the bus drivers demanding you to fold it ask him to help you.

Someone must have took a dump in his cereal though absolutely no need to speak to anyone like that.

Yet the moment we have a thread about wheelchair spaces on buses everyone's there saying well, let's just open it up to other people with disabilities

Not everyone. Some of us have said wheelchairs should always have priority. It's very unfair of you to say otherwise.

Some people are not in wheelchairs because "their legs don't work" as as been written several times or indeed due to any physical disability.There are lots of reasons for being in a wheelchair and it can be entirely due to invisible disabilities. Just for information.

I think the driver needs to go on disability awareness course!
I too have a disability and use our pushchair as somewhat of a Zimmer frame. I qualify under the guidelines for a Blue Badge (but am still waiting for one so currently have to struggle with standard parking spaces). To be fair, I'm also quite shy and hate confrontation and would have probably reacted in the same way! It might be worth applying for a Blue Badge- even if you don't drive- so that you can easily show people that you also have mobility problems. At the very least please contact the bus company and let them decide if it was against policy.

Dixie

Many hidden physical & other hidden disabilities are often genetic, & often not diagnosed until later. There's a fair chance people who struggle with sn buggy/sturdy buggy instead of walking frame/child using unfoldable walking frame issues now will be dealing with these problems for life also- either ending up in a wheelchair or their children needing this/or uncolapsable walking frame. And many hidden disabilities come with the same disabling pain, continence problems, finding other transport as equally inaccessible due to sensory/social difficulties or inability to fold walkers. Maybe there needs to be campaigns for more alocated bus space for those with other mobility needs, but I suspect society is already so dismissive of hidden disabilities that is unlikely to find the same level of support. I wounder what people would have responded if the op was an elderly person with an unfoldable walking frame & not enough room on this small business for both- maybe more outrage at the lack of accessable public transport.

Rosenwyn that's the type of scenario I was suggesting mountain buggy maybe useful for, sturdy as walking frame & easy to maneuver for op but bus/taxi could fold it if a back up plan was organised/assistance card with instructions. Not ideal but maybe useful to the op under circumstances.

Meant bus/taxi driver could fold it for her

Bus driver? Food a pushchair?

Yeah right. I've never seen them move out of their booth until break time. Even if someone is struggling

That's the option posters are suggesting so that the w/c users can access her space & so the op is also able to access public transport.

I have seen bus drivers unfold buggys, I have has taxi drivers unexpectedly help & accessed help getting on trains. Although it took me a while to realise that these were possibilities. & I am probably rare in that I am comfortable discussing both my disabilities & my children's with anyone anywhere, most people wouldn't be comfortable with that and certainly should have to justify why they need adapted access. But there needs to be better understanding of hidden distabilises and generally there's none, just the idea we are faking or should try harder or get over it, that's the generally message everywhere in society really hidden disabilities from education to workplaces to accessing the community. So it's this shit that we are left with.

Honking all disabilities are hidden to some extent in that onlookers can't see exactly what the person findo dis-abling about the condition- even if it's obvious a person has a visual impairment an onlooker can't tell if it's degenerative or ifor they also strugglinger with mh issues etc or if we can see a child has ds we can't see if they have heart problems or other associated problems also.

Hidden & visable disabilities are only to reference that others can see the person has a valid need from the outside or not, for those of us with hidden disabilities as there is no outside proof we are simple yet dismissed.

Some people are assuming a wheelchair means a physical disability. It doesn't. Ds uses his because severe autism and learning disabilities means he is not safe and doesn't feel safe without it. We don't use public transport because it's distressing for him and other people won't accept his behaviours.

Sorry meant proof to be speech marked as I couldn't think of the right wording while this sleep deprived, I prefer to lurk...

There are a lot of people countering the assumptions that the wheelchair users disabilities are worse & her needs greater by pointing out that she maybe fine waiting, she may in fact know her own mind & be able to communicate it. Clearly the driver was assuming otherwise, he assumed that she needed him to advocate for her & that he knew her needs & mind better than she did. Maybe that's true & maybe she needed help standing up to the op, maybe she was deeply uncomfortable with someone in an autistic melt down- maybe she was totally understanding, compleatly comfortable & able to make a decision & stand by it. We can't know, but it's clear the driver assumed she wasn't capable (& that the op was)

I don't have the best attention span but I read pps more that they were giving examples of possibilities rather than the blanket statements several seem to be countering them with (& effectively beating the op down with)

It's a wheelchair space, not a disabled space.