I'm so sorry it's about disabled bus seats

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

But It's absolutely not the normal "having a dig" thread and if I wasn't torturing myself about the situation I promise I wouldn't post it.

So I don't drip feed: I'm autistic and have an invisible physical disability.

The bus to DD's nursery was just a small one on this occasion and there was one wheelchair/disabled seat. The front seats have 'elderly' signs on and there's a sign on the wheelchair seat saying something like "This seat is for wheelchair users. Small prams and buggies may use this seat but must move if a wheelchair user needs access". Totally acceptable, I have no dispute.

So basically what happened was I got on to pick DD up from nursery, normally we go in the car but only DP drives and he was called to work. I have 6 month old DS in his pram (Silver Cross Wayfarer if it's relevant coz I can't fold it). I was in a lot of pain that day or I would have used his sling, i physically couldn't do it. In fact I kind of lean on the pram like a zimmer frame IYSWIM.

Pay for my ticket, park pram in the space and sit in the disabled seat. Every other seat on the bus is taken. Elderly people in the front seats. Halfway through the journey we reach a bus station and a lady in a wheelchair is in the queue, bus driver tells me to get off. Normally I'd 100% do this but I wouldn't have made DD's pick up.... She is only 4 so can't exactly wait another 30mins for the next bus.

I start having a panic attack with the situation and kind of splutter out that I really need to catch the bus. The absolutely lovely lady in the wheelchair says she's only taking her shopping home and will wait for the next bus.

Bus driver, assuming I guess that I'm just a snotty young entitled mother demanding the seat, continues to tell me to get off the bus. I start to cry.

I manage to choke out that I'm also disabled and get told "aye of course you are love, what kind of person takes a seat from someone in a wheelchair". It then felt like he was pitting us off one another, like some awful 'disability contest' saying things like "go on then what have you got, is it worse?"

The lady eventually gets through to him that she really isn't in a rush and goes out of the station so he can't just sit and wait for her. He reluctantly drives off with a shitty attitude and a grunt

I don't know what I'd have done without her lovely calm demeanor. I'm still absolutely mortified that I didn't get off the bus though, if it wasn't for DD there's no way I'd have stayed on.

Totally prepared to hear I WBU, especially for starting a bus seat thread. But I can't stop thinking about it and have noone to discuss with IRL

In hindsight I would have caught an earlier bus but usually they have big ones with 3 disabled/pram seats so I didn't think.

So when I, with no physical disability, wait for a bus, it turns up full and I am told I'll have to wait for the next one, that's ok. When a disabled person waits for a bus and the wheelchair space is full, occupied by someone who needs it just as much, it is the most horrendous thing in the world that they might have to wait for the next bus even when they say it's ok and they're not in a rush? I think some people need to give wheelchair users a bit more credit in being able to respond like everyone else to a bit of shit luck. YWNBU at all OP, it is a space designed for those who need to use something to aid mobility but that sticker would need to be a bit bigger than the current wheelchair users one. You needed the space and got on the bus first.

Some wheelchair users cannot respond like everyone else to a bit of shit luck. If they are ok about waiting then fine but it should be their decision.

My friend in a wheelchair says her wheels are her legs and she's just as capable as anyone to wait for a bus with a space. She'd hate to turf anyone off in her favour.

My wheelchair using son gets very distressed by waiting and hurts himself.

So when I, with no physical disability, wait for a bus, it turns up full and I am told I'll have to wait for the next one, that's ok. When a disabled person waits for a bus and the wheelchair space is full, occupied by someone who needs it just as much, it is the most horrendous thing in the world that they might have to wait for the next bus

Christ not this shit again. If the wheelchair space is taken up with a buggy that doesn't get told to move, they can't get on. And the next one, the same. And the next and the next and the next, because there are a lot more buggies than there are wheelchairs.

Are people really this stupid?

So we shouldn't bother with disabled people who aren't wheelchair users because they cost too much money?

You're a country that saves money by cutting the benefits of the sick, disabled and terminally ill. That saves money by closing refuges, by cutting disability assistance of all kinds. That closes libraries and leaves people to die in trolleys in A&E.

Its not a question of wouldn't it be great to spend loads of money on making buses better, its a question of THEIR IS NO FUCKING MONEY FOR IT.

Honking haddock my children would become very distressed by waiting or by being asked to leave a bus for a wheelchairange user.

They are twins, and have asd, spd, pda, adhd, dyspraxia, social anxiety & selective mutism.

I have hyper mobile joint syndrom/ed, chronic pain. At worse points, when they were toddlers pre-diagnosis they were just as panicy and much more violent & my joints were dislocating regularly & I also used the buggy to be able to walk.

Many of the issues people in wheelchairs face will also be a problem for those of us with hidden disabilities, or with children with hidden distabilises, or like my case both. Continence issues for example are common with ed- and I am lucky this was only a problem for a couple of years post pregnancy. The years when there is no recognition or help for parents with hidden disabilities who dare have children.

We can't allways wait either. Some buses have two spaces, one either side that can fit a buggy. It's not unreasonable to suggest that while one has a priority for wheelchair users the other have a sign prioretiring adults with disabilities or children who require more space to access public transport. Flippy seats enable use at other times by other passengers. It wouldn't be much to expect bus companies to ensure ano new buses a here to this, & maybe a plan to adapt current buses. Equality act covers those of us with hidden disabilities also.

There

Arsicle is 100% right. While I agree with many PPs that the bus driver was rude and the woman was very kind to give up the space, the fact remains that the space is designated for wheelchair users.

Should there be more provisions on public transport for people with other disabilities? Absolutely. But that does not change the the incontrovertible fact that the space designed for wheelchairs should always be vacated if a wheelchair user needs it. In this situation, the woman herself said she could wait. That was very understanding of her (and perhaps she did need the space but simply could not face yet another confrontation in which she asserts her rights).

This situation is certainly more complex than most threads on the subject, which usually come down to an entitled individual who thinks her choice not to fold a buggy is more important than a wheelchair user's right to the space. Nevertheless, despite the complexities of OP's situation, the bus driver was correct to expect the space to be vacated (though his rudeness was of course wrong).

I agree with whoever said you weren't fully prepared to get off. You say that in your first post: "...bus driver tells me to get off. Normally I'd 100% do this but I wouldn't have made DD's pick up.... She is only 4 so can't exactly wait another 30mins for the next bus.

I start having a panic attack with the situation and kind of splutter out that I really need to catch the bus."

I have to agree with Arseicle also. Sorry for your invisible disabilities - I have a friend that has them so I've seen what she puts up with in terms of abuse - but the woman in the wheelchair should have priority. Your big pram in that space shouldn't get priority. I've just looked up your Silvercross Wayfarer and it does fold. Why didn't you ask someone to do this? I know it's not always easy asking for help but in situations where it will help a fellow disabled person - the woman in the wheel chair - then it's important.

I know you're hoping the woman didn't mind but you don't know. She might have a lot of pride and didn't want the focus of a full bus on her. I know I wouldn't. She was very gracious. But what if the next bus also had someone with a pram in the wheelchair space and they wouldn't move, hidden disabilities or not. She's now waiting at a bus stop for an hour.

Could you not have some kind of other back up than taking the bus when your husband can't drive? Keep an emergency fund for a round trip taxi for instance? Baby in its car seat, you take an extra car seat for the 4 year old?

Op- just a side note but I found mountain buggy amazing for using to support me & move around. Strong enough to hold my weight if I leant on it & easy to manager around corners/up & down kerbs etc, even single handed. They fold down, although I never folded ours due to being double as I have twins. Just a thought.

Who's to say that waiting wouldn't have caused me self harm The situation had me in a very distressed state. It may have only occurred because I have a baby but I can't just un-have the baby Also I still needed the seat that was attached to the wheelchair bit so I would have had to get off even without the pram

"and perhaps she did need the space but simply could not face yet another confrontation in which she asserts her rights"

If she needed the space she only had to wait while I wheeled the pram off and she didn't need to say anything at all

Sorry Annie but you're wrong. I was reluctant to get off, i was panicking about get off but I was fully prepared to do so until the lady offered. At that point I then wasn't prepared to get off

My Wayfarers bottom half collapses, it does not fold. If I could hold DS I would've used the sling. We both would have fallen over. I can't hold myself up standing nevermind with a baby too, the seat is attached to the wheelchair rest.

"Why didn't you ask someone to do this? I know it's not always easy asking for help but in situations" Im autistic, it's nye-on impossible.

Permenantrecord - I was making the point that some wheelchair users cannot wait because others seem to think there is no reason why they can't. My son uses a wheelchair because of his invisible disabilities - severe autism and learning difficulties so I do know about them.

YourNewspaperIsShit - if getting off would have caused you self harm then you really do need to come up with another solution. That space is wheelchair priority. You were lucky the woman didn't insist. To avoid the situation happening again, which was totally crap with the harshness of the driver and very upsetting, then you need some other back-up plan as you won't be able to tell if the smaller or larger bus will be operating at any given time on any given day. And you don't want to put yourself or another wheelchair user in that position again.

If she needed the space she only had to wait while I wheeled the pram off and she didn't need to say anything at all

But in your OP you also say, I start having a panic attack with the situation and kind of splutter out that I really need to catch the bus.

That leads me to think that the woman in the wheelchair may have thought that this was leading up to a confrontation. Maybe not, of course. I am not a mind reader (obviously!) and have no idea what she was thinking. I am just suggesting it as a possibility.

It didn't sound like you made any indication you were going to get off - no where do you say that so the woman in the wheelchair, not being a mind reader, wouldn't have known. And was probably deeply embarrassed about being made the centre of attention and the cause of a fuss. I'm not surprised she extracted herself from that.

I am an occasional wheelchair user, and when I was younger I also used to use a sturdy buggy as a walking frame. In an ideal world there would be access for everybody and invisible disabilities would be catered for everywhere. I did not qualify for disability benefits so no blue badge, so I have just come to accept that certain places are just not accessible to me. Wheelchair users fought for a long time to get access to public transport and before that they just didnt use it. That, sadly is the position for a lot of people with invisible disabilities now.

If your pram doesn't fold then already regardless of whether you take the wheelchair space or not it's going to be in the way of everyone. You really need another solution. I'm sure someone would have given their seat up. I've never seen anyone let a mother with a baby stand, even if you'd had to ask.

Sorry I'm starting to disbelieve this whole post. Everything is completely sewn up.

& I was just explaining that it is just as difficult for many of us with hidden disabilities to wait, only that's not socially acknowledged or supported

The problem here I think is that you're saying you were willing to get off, but you were also distressed, panicking and vocalising your concerns about collecting your dd.

I'm not saying that's your fault, but that would have made anyone uncomfortable.

I don't know what the solution is. There isn't one, most likely.

People in wheelchairs will have to wait sometimes, just like everyone else.

But it's not like they're asking for the stairs by wanting to get on a bus!

I'm guessing a situation like this doesn't happen often enough to warrant something being done about it.

As for the bus driver: well, from his POV you could have been someone who couldn't be arsed getting off the bus. He didn't know better, he thought he was doing right by the passenger who should have had priority in the situation.

Dwelling on it now won't do you any good. It happened. It's done. Just forget it as best you can.

But what if the next bus also had someone with a pram in the wheelchair space and they wouldn't move, hidden disabilities or not. She's now waiting at a bus stop for an hour.
Could you not have some kind of other back up than taking the bus when your husband can't drive? Keep an emergency fund for a round trip taxi for instance? Baby in its car seat, you take an extra car seat for the 4 year old?

How is this less true if you reverse the lady in the w/c and the OP, which may I remind you also has a disability.
Again, mum and buggy, no discussion.
Disabled mum in buggy, well how is it fair that can wait whereas it is outrageous to suppose the w/c lady could?
How is it fair to ask the disabled mum with buggy to have a backup plan to using the bus or have an emergency fund for taxi, when I am sure you wouldn't dare suggesting the w/c lady does the same?