I'm so sorry it's about disabled bus seats

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But It's absolutely not the normal "having a dig" thread and if I wasn't torturing myself about the situation I promise I wouldn't post it.

So I don't drip feed: I'm autistic and have an invisible physical disability.

The bus to DD's nursery was just a small one on this occasion and there was one wheelchair/disabled seat. The front seats have 'elderly' signs on and there's a sign on the wheelchair seat saying something like "This seat is for wheelchair users. Small prams and buggies may use this seat but must move if a wheelchair user needs access". Totally acceptable, I have no dispute.

So basically what happened was I got on to pick DD up from nursery, normally we go in the car but only DP drives and he was called to work. I have 6 month old DS in his pram (Silver Cross Wayfarer if it's relevant coz I can't fold it). I was in a lot of pain that day or I would have used his sling, i physically couldn't do it. In fact I kind of lean on the pram like a zimmer frame IYSWIM.

Pay for my ticket, park pram in the space and sit in the disabled seat. Every other seat on the bus is taken. Elderly people in the front seats. Halfway through the journey we reach a bus station and a lady in a wheelchair is in the queue, bus driver tells me to get off. Normally I'd 100% do this but I wouldn't have made DD's pick up.... She is only 4 so can't exactly wait another 30mins for the next bus.

I start having a panic attack with the situation and kind of splutter out that I really need to catch the bus. The absolutely lovely lady in the wheelchair says she's only taking her shopping home and will wait for the next bus.

Bus driver, assuming I guess that I'm just a snotty young entitled mother demanding the seat, continues to tell me to get off the bus. I start to cry.

I manage to choke out that I'm also disabled and get told "aye of course you are love, what kind of person takes a seat from someone in a wheelchair". It then felt like he was pitting us off one another, like some awful 'disability contest' saying things like "go on then what have you got, is it worse?"

The lady eventually gets through to him that she really isn't in a rush and goes out of the station so he can't just sit and wait for her. He reluctantly drives off with a shitty attitude and a grunt

I don't know what I'd have done without her lovely calm demeanor. I'm still absolutely mortified that I didn't get off the bus though, if it wasn't for DD there's no way I'd have stayed on.

Totally prepared to hear I WBU, especially for starting a bus seat thread. But I can't stop thinking about it and have noone to discuss with IRL

In hindsight I would have caught an earlier bus but usually they have big ones with 3 disabled/pram seats so I didn't think.

I wil agree buses need to buck their ideas up about wheelchair spaces

Most of the buses here have two spaces. One is a wheelchair space, the other has seats that flips up and can double up as a buggy space. That is lucky

One bus company doesn't have any wheel chair accessibility.

There's no wheelchair space and even steps on to the bus itself.

The bus driver needs educating about disabilities. I think it would be useful if there was a nation wide scheme where doctors could issue cards to those with a disability that they could show if challenged without have to go into any detail about personal circumstances.

This would be amazing. DH has fibro and prefers to walk without crutches if possible but he can't get upstairs on buses so has to sit at the front in the disabled spots. The looks we get you wouldn't believe.

Dontyou You aren't allowed prams obstructing the isles and the seat itself flips down from the wheelchair rest.

So both me and DS pram were in it. If I'd have moved and put the seat up the pram would have still been in the way IYSWIM. But yes she was a really nice lady I'm so grateful

ameliablie and anyone else who's interested... The Access card is designed to be just that. I had to get evidence from my doctors when applying for it. It says something like 'the holder of this card has a documented disability meaning they require the following reasonable adjustments...' Then there is a photo of me and my full name, expiry date of the card (has to be applied for very 3 years or sooner if your disability is likely to improve in that time) and symbols which detail the types of accommodations you require. There is no medical information on there, that is kept confidential.

There has been a lot of bad publicity about pushchair users refusing the move for wheelchairs on buses so I guess that's why the driver was so militant

You chose the wheelchair space because it was convenient and not because your disability demanded it.

Actually the op said at that time she was physically unable to fold the pram and was effectively using it as a zimmer. She DOES have a disability that affects her mobility.

It's a wheelchair space. You have disabilities too but I'm sure the driver encounters many people saying they can't move because of X, Y and Z when they are just being entitled.

When you have an invisible physical disability and think you'll have to use public transport it might not have been the best choice to buy a pram that can't be collapsed but it's done now.

Don't upset yourself. It worked out.

"Today 19:44 whywonthedgehogssharethehedge

You chose the wheelchair space because it was convenient and not because your disability demanded it.

Actually the op said at that time she was physically unable to fold the pram and was effectively using it as a zimmer. She DOES have a disability that affects her mobility."

But you can't expect anyone to take you seriously over a wheelchair user if you're disabled and "use your buggy as a zimmer" as if this is some kind of qualification of physical difficulty. It sounds ridiculous.

Bus drivers and companies need reminding of the Equality Act - they are required by law to make reasonable adjustments for any disabled passenger irrespective of vehicle layout and visibility of disability.

A former colleague of mine would have been unable to fold her DC's buggy due to arthritis and was presented with suggestions such as "get someone to fold it for you" (only any good if there's a guarantee that someone can unfold it at destination ) or "get off bus and wait for next one" (a very bad idea for someone with arthritis especially in cold, damp conditions).

I've also seen horror stories on MN about a mother being forced off bus because baby was on oxygen and needed to remain in pram and a child in a special needs buggy being late for an important appointment (due to bus company policy that SN buggies were to be folded to allow wheelchairs into space even though child could not sit in regular seat).

Sorry to be blunt but you need a collapsible buggy. Failing that do not get in a bus if you can't afford the time to be kicked off and wait.

This is actually a time management issue. You need to allow yourself more time to get to the school. What would you have done if the bus already had a wheelchair on it when you tried to get on? You would still have been late.

It is good to know there is already a card scheme, it could do with more publicity.

Yes it is a mobility disability sorry if I didn't make that too clear, I can carry DS in the sling on a good day but not very far and that's coz it's a good Ergo one that straps everywhere but I couldn't climb up stairs on a double decker or walk to the back of a bus. And i would likely fall if stood up while in transit. But i agree the space was absolutely for wheelchair users, I think I just got in such a fluster because she kind of agreed that at that point I needed it more urgently but the driver decided i didn't

Honestly I don't think even if I bought a folding buggy I would be able to hold DS and fold it anyway I agree with PP that I need a backup plan for nursery pickups. The card sounds really useful

Can't help but wonder how you would have been on time for your child if that seat had been taken anyway.... You said it was the only one vacant!

Not the wheelchair users fault you wouldn't get off, I expect she's learned to deal with this issue as graciously as she did because it happens a lot and she was embarrassed at being the centre of attention yet again!

I use the pram to lean on because I'd struggle with crutches and a pram (can't figure out how I could manage that), I needed a wheelchair while pregnant but since he was born I lean on the pram because it's so heavy and I'm quite small it works out But yeah I don't expect it to be an acceptable mobility aid

Im sorry i find it so odd that your bus service would tell you to get off (whether you are disabled or not) with our company if you are all getting on together or if you can move to another part of the bus then the wheelchair takes priority however if you are already on and have nowhere to move to the wheelchair user has to wait as you were there first.

I also have mobility problems and have been discriminated against just because i don't look disabled. When i was a teenager I was sat at the front with my friend, but not in the wheelchair space just the front row, when a pushchair got on and the driver asked people to move. A slightly older lady said (sat in the pushchair space) 'im not moving when those lazy girls are sat in the wrong place' the driver very politely asked if we would mind moving....the look on the womans face when i pulled two crutches from by my feet and hopped all the way to the back was worth it.

I think some people are losing sight of the fact that it's not the op's fault that the bus company don't offer adequate space. What if the op was a very elderly and frail lady whose walking frame was taking up the wheelchair space and the lady in the wheelchair was young and physically healthy (eg paralympian athlete). Who wins then?

Mumon I agree that wasn't something I was prepared for at all, I was expecting a much bigger bus but I'll accept responsibility for poor planning but i definitely didn't say I wouldn't get off I said something like "oh god my toddler will be waiting what am I going to do" pretty much to myself in a panic and she told me not to worry and to sit back down HTH

If that was my local bus company, the wheelchair user would have be refused if the wheelchair/pushchair bay was full; in their eyes it's 'first come, first serve' otherwise they'll be losing money (it's a known bus company starting with the letter A)

The seating for elderly people is misleadingly labelled - certain seats are accessible for people with mobility issues and these have to meet certain requirements for seat hight, grab rails, bell pushes, steps up to the seat, etc. I'll see if I can find a summery, somewhere.

Arriva have downloadable assistance cards that you can keep in your wallet
www.arrivabus.co.uk/travel-help-and-accessibility/how-to-obtain-assistance-cards/

Newshmoo it's not really losing sight- it's just a bit irrelevant. The bus wasn't going to grow new seats so someone, the wheelchair user or OPs pushchair was going to miss the bus.

IMO the bus driver was right to push for you to get off, because so many people with buggies won't move for a wheelchair user unless forced.

He was absolutely wrong to demand to know what disability you have.

I can see this was difficult for you but I do think anybody who takes up a wheelchair space without a wheelchair (or SN buggy) is unreasonable. The poor lady shouldn't have had to wait half an hour for the next bus, in which there might have been another person in the wheelchair space who didn't want to move...

I'm really shocked the driver did not ask someone else to stand up for you. He could have done that - you are disabled, you need a seat.

Yes, you should have moved from the wheelchair bay, but I bet if he'd had the slightest sympathy to your disabilities, you could have been helped to move to another seat.

Our buses do state you have to be able to fold pushchairs. You can't go on with a big pram you can't fold in case something like this happens. Because obvs a person in a wheel chair takes priority. Having said that, the driver was very rude and unpleasant to you. I hope you are okay.

But you can't expect anyone to take you seriously over a wheelchair user if you're disabled and "use your buggy as a zimmer" as if this is some kind of qualification of physical difficulty. It sounds ridiculous.

It may sound ridiculous to you but it's pretty normal amongst people with disabilities who have small children. I am disabled and normally use a walking frame. It's not possible to use a pram and frame together and a sling is out of the question. So I had to buy a pram big and strong enough to double as a walking frame. Thankfully DS is now 3 so sits on my walking frame instead.