I'm so sorry it's about disabled bus seats

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

But It's absolutely not the normal "having a dig" thread and if I wasn't torturing myself about the situation I promise I wouldn't post it.

So I don't drip feed: I'm autistic and have an invisible physical disability.

The bus to DD's nursery was just a small one on this occasion and there was one wheelchair/disabled seat. The front seats have 'elderly' signs on and there's a sign on the wheelchair seat saying something like "This seat is for wheelchair users. Small prams and buggies may use this seat but must move if a wheelchair user needs access". Totally acceptable, I have no dispute.

So basically what happened was I got on to pick DD up from nursery, normally we go in the car but only DP drives and he was called to work. I have 6 month old DS in his pram (Silver Cross Wayfarer if it's relevant coz I can't fold it). I was in a lot of pain that day or I would have used his sling, i physically couldn't do it. In fact I kind of lean on the pram like a zimmer frame IYSWIM.

Pay for my ticket, park pram in the space and sit in the disabled seat. Every other seat on the bus is taken. Elderly people in the front seats. Halfway through the journey we reach a bus station and a lady in a wheelchair is in the queue, bus driver tells me to get off. Normally I'd 100% do this but I wouldn't have made DD's pick up.... She is only 4 so can't exactly wait another 30mins for the next bus.

I start having a panic attack with the situation and kind of splutter out that I really need to catch the bus. The absolutely lovely lady in the wheelchair says she's only taking her shopping home and will wait for the next bus.

Bus driver, assuming I guess that I'm just a snotty young entitled mother demanding the seat, continues to tell me to get off the bus. I start to cry.

I manage to choke out that I'm also disabled and get told "aye of course you are love, what kind of person takes a seat from someone in a wheelchair". It then felt like he was pitting us off one another, like some awful 'disability contest' saying things like "go on then what have you got, is it worse?"

The lady eventually gets through to him that she really isn't in a rush and goes out of the station so he can't just sit and wait for her. He reluctantly drives off with a shitty attitude and a grunt

I don't know what I'd have done without her lovely calm demeanor. I'm still absolutely mortified that I didn't get off the bus though, if it wasn't for DD there's no way I'd have stayed on.

Totally prepared to hear I WBU, especially for starting a bus seat thread. But I can't stop thinking about it and have noone to discuss with IRL

In hindsight I would have caught an earlier bus but usually they have big ones with 3 disabled/pram seats so I didn't think.

"If the wheelchair user had insisted I think the driver would have made the OP get off so she would be very stupid not to come up with some other plan for future times like this."

You aren't listening. The driver wouldn't have made me get off. Because I was getting off the bus. The lady of her own accord saw another human in distress and if she felt like she "had to" there's nothing I can do about how other people cope with my meltdowns/panic attacks. But i am grateful, she was calm, she didn't seem like she felt her hand was forced but honestly if I saw someone in so much more distress than me and I was on the last seat of a bus I would get off for them as well.

Plus her comment as she left suggested she was annoyed by the implication that's she couldn't wait just because she was in a wheelchair.

Dont go round calling autistic people stupid. Makes you look very nasty.

Invisible disability does not mean lesser disability.

For example, profound deafness is commonly invisible. Hearing impairment can also involve vestibular impairments (balance).

It's not a contest no, But diminishing invisible disabilities is not fair either.

I don't say that I relational the wheelchair/buggy issue (wheelchair takes priority). But in general please be aware visible/invisible disabilities impact the person in many many ways that you may or may not be aware of.

And if you read back I said countless times I know I need to make a back-up it was an unexpected situation. So I clearly didn't expect a small bus that I'd never seen on a big route. I said I'd have to think of other things I'm not going to list them on the spot Because quite frankly I have no idea what they would be.

And actually if you read back there are posters in a wheelchair who don't think IWB too U.

It might not be a contest but there is ranking order of priority and the wheelchair supersedes the OP or anyone else with hidden disabilities each and every time in this situation with one wheelchair space

This I agree with.
If the lady in the w/c didn't offer for OP to stay on (or even if she hadn't said anything), OP should have given the space away. No discussion.

"If you don't expect a wheelchair user to be able to get out of their chair and fold it up, why do people think that the OP would be able to do any of these things that her disability means are impossible for her?"

Thank you MyWine you are articulating perfectly what I can't seem to get across

Just to add, I agree with it because it is the law, not because I feel I can judge it myself

If the lady in the w/c didn't offer for OP to stay on (or even if she hadn't said anything), OP should have given the space away. No discussion.

And I would have I would have still had a panic attack leading to probable meltdown/self harm but I wouldn't have asked to stay on in a million years.

YourNewspaper - you're starting to sound a not very nice person yourself. You clearly want this okaying so you can do it again and feel justified. Well good luck! I call it selfish - regardless of your autism and hidden disabilities you don't have precedence over someone in a wheelchair. Shameful that you think you do. The law is black on white on it. Your husband works so you can find another solution even if it means paying someone. People in wheelchairs are less likely to be working so have less income. Completely selfish.

As said I think this is made up. Everything is sewn up tightly - nasty and inflexible bus driver, you're in a rush, 4 year old waiting, no seats to move to, you can't ask for help (bolshy as hell on here though), hidden disabilities (struggling to see how you can lean on a Wayfarer without it tipping up as well), no other space on the bus, you can't lift a child's car seat to catch a taxi as a back-up, obviously wouldn't be able to ask a taxi driver to help with that, can't drive etc also you knock every reasonable suggestion so go ahead take the chance you'll be able to get on that bus in the future or wont' be asked to move. You're immovable in your view that you were reasonable and justified. So as I said - good luck. Every time you catch that bus you'll be sweating though as you don't know what the situation will be or how nasty it could get. For the sake or your kids and your mental health find another way and leave the space to the rightful person - the one in the wheelchair.

annie you are way out of line.

annie that was really nasty and you haven't got a clue

Folding seats are no good for !al people who want to sit". The specifications for priority seating, which i linked to above, as as strict about that as wheelchair spaces and state that they must be non-folding, with a barrier in front.

As for the idea of all buses being double deck - not always possible due to low bridges, some depots no having the facilities to maintain double deck buses, etc. I prefer a long single deck, anyhow. I don't have to worry about whether I'll get to sit downstairs with the boys or when I have bags because, unless the staircase is dead straight and not too steep and I have both hands free, I cannot get down the staircase. I'll not go upstairs at all, even alone, if I need to get off at a stop that isn't a bus station. I cannot safely do it. If I have my youngest child with me and have to go upstairs, I inevitably get comments about people taking their time because he takes ages to get down the stairs - mix of LDs and a mild physical impairment).

We'll quite happily walk form the back of a single deck, though and are less likely to miss our stop with all but the most impatient of drivers, because I can stand up (and cling on for dear life with both hands and a knee on the seat) as the bus is stopping as a visible signal that yes, someone really is getting off the bus, even if they don't appear to be in a hurry.

Annie only 15% of people with autism are in employment.

It's not wise to make assumptions about how a person's disability affects their income.

That was the first time I've posted on here in a long time other than to offer some practical help and think it will probably be the last. This thread just reminds me of people arguing about whether being effected by racism or sexism or homophobia is worse. They're all shit but instead of trying to sort it out sensibly everybody claims that actually the other people have nothing to complain about because their situation is worse. It does seem a little bit ridiculous to be claiming my need is greater than yours in a situation where 2 people needed the space, OP got on first and the other person said it's ok though. What if there had been a wheelchair user in the space occupied by OP? What would the lady have done then? Why shout about OP having a back up plan rather than anyone else?

YourNewspaper I think you should consider trading in your non-folding buggy for a folding one.

Scroobius but the space was a wheelchair space not a "anyone with any kind of disability space". Someone mentioned profound deafness as a disability, for example. That is indeed a genuine disability but should it mean a deaf person with a buggy should stay in a wheelchair space, over an actual wheelchair user?

If a wheelchair user posted here about how they wanted to get on the bus but the wheelchair space was taken up by a lady with a pram, saying she really needed to be on the bus and then claiming she had a disability, and got so upset about it you felt guilty you felt uncomfortable about taking the wheelchair space for your actual wheelchair. would there be no sympathy at all for the wheelchair user?

Ok what about the person who was an occasional wheelchair user, had a child in a buggy and rather than taking a wheelchair and baby decided that they could use the buggy as a walking aid and take their baby in it. On another day, without their baby, they would have had a wheelchair. I just think taking the wheelchair space label completely literally is a bit over the top. Also the point about many wheelchair users not being able to wait because they have reasons other than not being able to use legs is a red herring. There are many people without a wheelchair for whom having to wait for the next bus would be infinitely more distressing and suggesting that having a wheelchair means you are incapable of waiting is unfair. In an ideal world there would be more space on all public transport but there wasn't and 2 people with mobility issues needed a space. Also having wrestled a toddler throughout a bus ride many times I do think that someone with a physical disability (even if not a wheelchair user) having to, first of all fold down the buggy, then deal with that would have been awful if not unbearable. And saying that she should just avoid public transport is the same as saying a wheelchair use should because there might not be a space for them.

Excuse us interrupting ....we'd like to make a plea for peace and love on this thread. It is Friday afterall

I refuse to comment on anything else because that absolutely vile lady has just made me sick to my stomach. And got her info my boyfriend (not fucking husband Mrs MillionAssumptions) works and I don't get his money?! I get my disability benefits because I cannot work. I said I'm not a regular bus user. You are a nasty, horrible, disablist and I dread to think what the removed posts said fortunately I didn't have to read them.

I am a real human being. You are talking to real people here! Just because there's a keyboard doesn't mean your words don't hurt and you should be thoroughly ashamed.

Wow sorry that was a bit of a rant. I just think that we should try make life easier for everyone and stop assuming that wheelchair users are incapable of living ordinary lives which include the fair share of having not enough buses per route so not enough space.

Sorry didn't mean fair share, meant usual amount and it came out wrong.

Just remove the thread Hq, i don't care anymore. Every time I post anything I get slaughtered for not mentioning I'm disabled or for mentioning I'm disabled it doesn't matter how nice I am someone always picks me apart.

I don't know how these people sleep at night

YABU. It's a wheelchair space.