Aibu to feel like this about organ donation?

[frizzfactor]

So a little back story. My father died very suddenly in my late teens. When he was buried the idea of him not being 'complete' was totally abhorrent.

Up until his death, I had thought I would always donate all my organs, but now I'm horribly struggling with the idea. I will be 40 in a little while and live in an area where you actively have to opt out of doing so.

I totally get that my decrepit and abused organs could potentially save a life, but the thought of being harvested and disposed of by some means (don't even get me started on that one!) horrifies me. I would like to find peace with this so any help greatly appreciated. However I also want to know if anyone else feel this way or am I being totally unreasonable?!?

I can see that people might think like that, OP. But I don't. I do think it's just a shell that the person doesn't need any more, so if it can help someone else that's a good thing.

I feel even more strongly since I have an illness, where if it gets bad (it's under control at present), I'd need an organ transplant. But I think I thought that already! My husband - despite his wife's problems - is a bit iffy about organ donation. i need to work on him again, I think! Knowing what he's like, if the law changed where are, he'd never get around to opting out anyway

If anyone overrides my organ donation registration after my death, I'm not going to be happy

assuming here that those in a position to override your wishes (NOK) would also be a beneficiary of your estate I would be tempted to caveat your will as such. If they refuse to donate your organs they forfeit their rights to your legacy.

They won't take mine, nor my blood while I'm still alive. I was sad when I found out. It's because I had thyroid cancer donkey's years old. I'm sure my corneas wouldn't do anyone any harm.

My daughter said she wouldn't be happy about me donating my corneas but it's academic.

Because people probably believe when we talk about the "eyes" that it's literally the whole eye. And we see those in each other.

Whereas it's just some tissue from inside. It's not your iris or anything people see when they look at you.

If it is at all reassuring OP, I have been in theatres when the organs are removed from the body and it is a very respectful procedure, and the patient is treated no differently to any other.

A few weeks after each patient, the theatre staff would receive a letter telling us which organs had been used and how many people they had helped, it was amazing.

Organ donation gives people their lives back, it is a wonderful gift and we can't move to an opt out system soon enough

Different thing I know, and sorry if its a derail, but an Aunt of mine actually left her body to science.

They kept her for 18 months at a teaching hospital, and then they are supposed to pass back whats left to the family for burial/cremation. She however had left strict instructions that she was to be cremated without any ceremony by the hospital. She was a devout Catholic who truly believed that the body is simply a vessel.

Although it was hard for the older members of the family to not have a body to have a funeral, I think she did an amazing thing. She made a huge contribution to the education of the new Doctors and potentially to science in the future. I am considering it myself.

I wish people would get over the squeamishness of eye donation. Actually it's corneas not eyes. I.know corneal transplants aren't life saving but they make a huge difference. I had one 20 years ago and the difference it made to my life was huge.

Unfortunately I'm now facing the prospect of another 2. I can't read magazines my eyes are so bad. I have to screw my face up at times to read the screen at work. I have permanent headaches and muscle aches.

My condition isn't life threatening but if/when I get transplants again it'll be life changing.

Why would you want to have good corneas rotting away when they can be put to good use

If you're hesitant about gifting your corneas please put your squeamishness to one side and reconsider

I'm on the register to donate everything and I then intend to donate whatever is left to medical science.
If i in any way whatsoever can keep a mother with her family, a husband with his wife, a child with their parents then I am bloody well doing it. It requires no effort on my part. (Apart from the whole being dead thing which is rather necessary)
If for whatever reason my organs are not useful then I at least know I might be able to help a young doctor learn more about the human body and be better at their craft, or help a scientist in a related field.

To me this is an amazing gift to give to a huge amount of people, not just the physical recipient but also their loved ones. Someone said earlier that's 9 recipients AND everyone they love. And I don't have to do anything to prevent all those people suffering.
I couldn't say no to that, no matter how squeamish or uncomfortable I might feel.

Its a personal thing I guess.

I don't see what use my organs are to me after I die and I am going to be cremated instead of buried anyway, and I have seen what a difference organ donation can do for someones life.

I understand the 'icky' viewpoint though. As such even though I am going to be cremated and such, I have said I will donate everything but my eyes, as the thought of someone messing with my eyes even after I am dead actually makes me feel queasy

My ex-husband was an organ donor, we had been divorced for nearly 2 years at the time and I was only person who he told his wishes to. His Father was against the idea for reasons similar to yours but went ahead on my say so. The joy he expressed when the letters about the lives my Ex had saved by donating was enormous. Part of his liver went to a 5 year old with 72 hours to live, a heart valve went to a seriously ill 10 month old. His death saved and improved the lives of several people, and the whole family, particularly our three sons, are very glad for that. Being a donor doesn't only help the people who recieve organs, it helps those of us left behind to find a positive in our grief.

I don't see what the big deal is about being buried or cremated whole After all, we spend our lives shedding bits of ourselves - whether it'dshair, nails skin and teeth or things like appendices and tonsils. As my tonsils were removed years ago, I will never be buried whole. I'm entirely happy for my bits to be taken if they're any use.

DH and I made the decision to honour his sister's wish that any viable organs be made available for transplant, it was hard and made worse by a coordinator completely lacking in compassion (don't get me started on the retrieval team!).

To this day my adopted son is traumatised by the choice we made and the things he heard said by the professionals involved; he still hasn't forgiven us for the decision we made, he's also completely against organ transplants. We believe that we made the right choice, but we didn't think about the consequences.

Whatever decision you make OP, make sure the people around you are aware of it (age appropriate discussion about the concept with young children). The shock of losing a loved one is bad, a grieving family don't need another surprise on top of it. Yanbu to feel what you feel, yabvvvvr to reevaluate your position - that takes strength and courage.

I'm very squeamish about anything like this, reading the thread has me breathing heavily and feeling tight chested. I have a very intense fear of dying that I think explains why I struggle.with it (I know everyone is afraid of dying but I think I think about it an abnormal amount and find myself constantly researching any out of. Body experiences or similar that might suggest there is some.kind of afterlife). Anyway, I can't bare to think about it but I would definitely opt in as I would always want to help people. I.just have to not think about it at all.
I remember years ago reading about people who have had transplants and suddenly develop new traits or hobbies only to find out the person who.donated the organ used to enjoy the same thing. The article.was suggesting maybe some.of the personality was transferred with it. Probably a load of rubbish but I like the idea that a part of you lives on...

It is so interesting to read the posts here, because I just received my donor card & am so pleased to have it now. They can have whatever the doctors need from me, however i must admit to being not 100% happy about face transplant, but if some poor soul can have MY FACE to help them face the world with, then that is wonderful! I am so grateful that we live in a era that transplants are possible.
I have spoken to my husband, son & parents about my choice & we have also spoken to our ds about giving his organs to give life to another child and he is fine about it. Hope to goodness that we never have to answer that heartbreaking question.

I'm sorry for your experience Andro that's not right at all I have worked with a few coordinators and teams over the years and found them to be very good at their jobs. I don't know how long ago this was but please but a complaint in against this team as it really should be felt with no one should have that as a lasting memory of donation.

Just a brief psychological look at it from your viewpoint OP.

Your dad died suddenly and unexpectedly when you were young. You were overwhelmed with the shock of that without the adult experience to process it in a non traumatic way. Then the topic arose of him being complete/incomplete by donating his organs. So your associations around death and bodies and completeness are all focused around this very traumatic time in your life where you felt completely out of control of everything. No wonder you find the idea of donating organs so abhorrent.

Remembering that it is a choice you make which you are in control of could be very important here. That by making the decision you are avoiding the suddenness or unexpectedness that you experienced before.

It is done with respect. When they do a post morton on you're body they learn a lot about the type of life you lived. Just think of it like this you will live forever.

I wouldn't accept or donate any organs.

DH and I made the decision to honour his sister's wish that any viable organs be made available for transplant, it was hard and made worse by a coordinator completely lacking in compassion (don't get me started on the retrieval team!).

I am sorry about what you went through. I don't think they know how to deal with the living. You're adopted son is grieving you could send him to see a councillor once a month it could help him talk about his feelings.

i want to be cremated so they can have my organs if suitable i wont be needing them

also a above im petrified of death and the thought of it makes me sick but i know i wont be needing my body anymore

MakeMyWineADouble - we did complain, the disciplinary fall out was spectacular!

*counselling

Andro good people like that cause so much damage I'm glad in your case there were repercussion.

I don't understand why the relatives get the 'decision' to 'honour' someone's wishes though. It's their body and their decision how on earth is it right that those wishes could be overruled? Seems very wrong to me.

Sunshineonacloudyday - he's getting the help he needs, his case is complex and he's needed intervention over a long period of time (ptsd and survivor guilt among other factors).