Aibu to feel like this about organ donation?

[frizzfactor]

So a little back story. My father died very suddenly in my late teens. When he was buried the idea of him not being 'complete' was totally abhorrent.

Up until his death, I had thought I would always donate all my organs, but now I'm horribly struggling with the idea. I will be 40 in a little while and live in an area where you actively have to opt out of doing so.

I totally get that my decrepit and abused organs could potentially save a life, but the thought of being harvested and disposed of by some means (don't even get me started on that one!) horrifies me. I would like to find peace with this so any help greatly appreciated. However I also want to know if anyone else feel this way or am I being totally unreasonable?!?

ElsaAint Sorry for your losses can't begin to imagine your pain.
But you and your boy gave all those people the most incredible gift

Opt out if you don't want to donate. It's all a no in our house. Just fill in the form.

I rather like the idea of still living on a bit.

But I suspect by the time I am done with my bits and pieces no one is going to want them.

Some one asked earlier about bone marrow donation, I'm on donation list and haven't donated yet, however I was also told now they don't always need to take the marrow and can sometimes just use the blood. Maybe someone who is expert on this can confirm (signed up when pregnant and have baby brain)

Also, I think I read somewhere (possibly even on the organ donation website when I registered), that very few people die in circumstances where their organs can actually be used for transplants. So even if you are an organ donor, there would still be no guarantee that your organs would be viable for donation after death. That's part of the reason why waiting lists for transplants are so long unfortunately DH and I watched the really cheesy Robin Williams movie "Bicentennial Man" the other weekend, and until we figure out a way to make robot organs like he gets in the film, it will be an ongoing problem 👎🏻

I have a friend who had one fairly recently after being in hospital 50 miles from home waiting for 2 years.

she's now home with her husband and 3 children, I can't think of a better reason to sign up.

I also think the idea of it is horrible but I think the idea of most things that happen to you after you've died are!

Age81
I hope you get the news you need soon.

When I die, I want them to take absolutely everything they can to help others. I can't think of anything more comforting, if I lost a loved one and knew they'd then saved the life of another human being. I want to do the same when I die. I work in a nursing home so I've encountered a lot of deceased people, so maybe that plays into me being very comfortable with the idea of being cremated/buried "not in tact." The body is indeed just a shell once you pass. I can understand both sides of it, and I know if I needed a transplant or a loved one did, I'd be eternally grateful to the person whose body the transplant came from. You'll have absolutely no need for your organs when you're dead, and to someone else it means their life can continue. That's a truly remarkable gift

fanniboz that's exactly it!
If I, or any of my family needed an organ transplant, we would accept an organ, so should be willing to donate. If you would accept an organ from someone else, but aren't willing to donate yours after you die, then that just doesn't sit right with me.

Almost nobody dies in the right way (thankfully) to be an organ donor - you have to die on life support in an intensive care unit and luckily for us, most of us will die peacefully at a ripe old age. This is not so good for those needing organs which is why it is so important for people to sign up and donate.

However almost everybody can be a tissue donor and donate their corneas. These can be donated however you die, and even if you have most types of cancer. If your family and doctors/nurses know you want to donate they can call the tissue donation team after you have died wherever you are.

www.nhsbt.nhs.uk/tissuedonation/

The argument that you should not be prepared to receive if you're not prepared to donate is far too simplistic and has far too much of a guilt trip attached to it.

The reality is that you are far, far more likely to need a transplant than to ever be in a position to donate your organs. And let's be honest, the idea of organ donation is generally a hypothetical possibility in the minds of those who sign up to the register, signing up to the donor register doesn't suddenly mean that lives have been saved because you've signed up, it means that if you die suddenly and/or violently in such a way as to make your organs viable for donation then lives might be saved as a result. Whereas if you need a transplant that is a here and now reality which many people may not be prepared for. Do people really think that someone being told they have a life-threatening condition which means they may have weeks/months to live or will have a reduced life capacity unless they receive a transplant should then also be faced with the statement or even question "are you prepared to donate your organs should you die? No? Well then sorry, as you're not on the register you wouldn't be eligible for transplant. We'll put you in touch with the palliative care team then. Oh, prepared to change your mind? Right oh...."?

Where does that end? Never given blood? Oh sorry, best you let this patient bleed to death, can't have them wasting that precious fluid that they wouldn't give back if they could. Didn't donate to a cancer charity? Ah, well why should they be allowed to benefit from the research which donations have paid for.....

As for relatives' consent, well, in truth it's the relatives who have to live with the aftermath of your death not the person who is actually dead. So rather than blame relatives for saying no, surely the issue is down to communication beforehand with regards to whether you would want your organs donated or not?

And with regard to opt-out, I am currently on the donor register, but if opt out ever becomes law in England I will be opting out. Why? Because there is no way that I want to give autonomy over what happens to my body to the state, or the presumption that I am the property of the state unless they decide otherwise. Currently the way opt-out works is that the relatives still have the final say over what happens at the end. It is IMO far more preferable that my next of kin be allowed to make that decision on my behalf than to feel that because I hadn't opted out the state have the ultimate say.

And for anyone who says it won't work like that, are you that confident in our government that future plans won't incorporate such issues? Really? I'm not. My body is mine to decide over. I have no issue with my organs being donated, but that is for me to discuss with the people who will be signing the consent form in the event of my untimely death, not for someone who knows nothing about me to presume on my behalf.

When my sister died we were unable to donate her organs (due to circumstance), however they performed a full autopsy which involved removing all her organs to test, including her brain, which was extremely distressing for everyone (including the lovely women at the funeral parlour who looked after her) This happened without any consent from family, so even if you don't donate there's still a chance of organs being removed.

However if those organs had gone to someone, if something good could have come from her death, and another family was spared the pain we were going through...that would have been a huge comfort to me.

When I die they can take whatever they want. I won't be needing it.

Being happy to opt in now, but choosing to opt out if the system changes is just petty and stupid.

There is no good reason not to be an organ donor. None.

I used to feel a bit funny about them taking my eyes but I've since realised that actually, I won't need them and someone will. Now, they can take it all.

Frizz if that's your belief then it really doesn't matter does it? When you are dead, you are dead, you'll never know. If you want to do this, just do it and try not to focus on it. It won't matter when you are dead. Anyway, when you die they will do 'artificial' stuff to your body that will take it out of your control anyway (keeping it preserved, possible post mortum etc)

Also, the chances of you dying in a way that means someone could use your organs is really low. So you're worrying about something that is very unlikely to happen

My late partner has an organ transplant aged 20 yrs, I'd never have met him without it. Organ donation not only saves but changes lives. 20 years later and I'm still a part of his families life.

You don't have to do it, of course you don't, but it would be lovely if you could

Thank you blueturtle6. I really would like to sign up for it.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe you've brought tears to my eyes, your story is very moving and shows your lovely kind motherly heart. Bless you for your courage in sharing your story and in helping to change lives.

The bit I struggle with, as someone acknowledged up thread, is that for someone to receive a transplant and avoid dying, someone else has to die and their family go through grief and trauma. There will be a family in anguish either way.

I'm currently abroad and consent is presumed unless you have opted out and registered that with your local authority. I have problems with that too.....I still think opt in is best, as it is willing consent.

Look at it this way OP: does the idea of donation make you feel more or less uncomfortable than the idea of someone missing out on a donated organ as a result of you opting out?

"Being happy to opt in now, but choosing to opt out if the system changes is just petty and stupid." no it isn't. I would far rather my next of kin be approached for their consent than it be presumed I am the property of the state.

Presumed consent is a very emotive topic when you're alive, why should that change at a point when you're not in a position to consent....

I felt exactly the same OP when we lost my Mum 2 years ago.

She'd became very ill so they wouldn't have been able to use any of my Mums organs anyways but just the thought did really upset me.

I do think anyone that does agree to become an organ donor though is amazing and the familys that agree for organ donation to happen when they've lost someone and they know it's something that person would have wanted is an amazing thing for them to do.

I can't be an organ donor,I'm to ill and disabled now.

My DH donates blood all the time though and he has done since he was old enough to and our 2 oldest DS want to start doing the same.
No one has to donate anything organs or blood but if you could do one and it's something you wanted to do I know my DH has said in the past that certain areas are always asking for more people to donate blood.

I asked my GP about organ donation once and his response was that it's mainly younger people's organs that they prefer to use. As all my bits'n'pieces are now 60-odd years old they're not considered to be as 'desirable' due to wear and tear.

As for being buried/cremated 'not whole' it wouldn't bother me as those body parts wouldn't be much good to be wherever I'm going and may as well benefit someone else.
I've sometimes pondered the idea of leaving my entire body to medical science if any medical schools could learn from it. Still pondering.

Op I don't think you are unreasonable to think the way you do and it is wrapped up in your dads death. It is highly unlikely you would die in a similar way and every circumstance is different. Having been there when someone passed away I felt you could tell they weren't 'there' and that helps me think they would not lnow or need their organs as they had already 'gone'
Finding the right type of organ is so hard and chances so low I think it is important to donate
My beautiful wonderful friend passed away waiting for a lung transplant. Her funeral was so full as she touched so many people in her life. Each one of us would have given so much to keep her with us but sadly it was only someone else's death that could have helped her.
Please those who aren't on the list have a serious think and talk about it - if you still decide no then that's fine but I would hope everyone makes an informed considered decision