Aibu to feel like this about organ donation?

[frizzfactor]

So a little back story. My father died very suddenly in my late teens. When he was buried the idea of him not being 'complete' was totally abhorrent.

Up until his death, I had thought I would always donate all my organs, but now I'm horribly struggling with the idea. I will be 40 in a little while and live in an area where you actively have to opt out of doing so.

I totally get that my decrepit and abused organs could potentially save a life, but the thought of being harvested and disposed of by some means (don't even get me started on that one!) horrifies me. I would like to find peace with this so any help greatly appreciated. However I also want to know if anyone else feel this way or am I being totally unreasonable?!?

Sorry to hear you lost your father when you were a teenager. I lost my own father when I was 13 - he had heart disease. If he'd been able to have a heart transplant, then he might have been with us for a bit longer.

I understand how you feel, but try thinking of it like this: donating your organs might mean that you could save someone else's dad.

I am one of them
People who needs an organ and waiting for a call for transplant. Without it I will die and my children will have no mummy and my DH no wife.

I am trying to process about how I feel that 'my donor' will sadly pass away to save my life and I'll tell you it's bloody hard.

Thank you personally for everyone on the register and I understand it is personal choice.

I've signed up to being an organ donor, as long as my organs are healthy when I die, I would like to help somebody else live plus what use are they to me when I'm dead?

I'm also on the bone marrow register and I donate blood regularly!

But all these different donation registers (Blood, BM and Organ) are not for everyone, which I do respect their decision!

mummy I don't even have that consolation! I believe that when we die we are nothing more than atoms and molecules that will be recycled one way or another. The afterlife and soul and all that is comforting but we have science and amazing medical procedures that mean we can proactively decide to make an enormous difference to the living and that is mind blowingly cool

I work in children's intensive care. I look after kids needing a new heart or liver or kidneys or lungs. I've seen kids die waiting for their organ, I've transferred kids to transplant centres and seen them be discharged home.

I've also looked after children unexpectedly at the end of their lives and spoken to their parents about organ donation. Sometimes they have said no, I can't bear the idea of you taking something from my child. Sometimes they've asked me 'what can my child give to help others?' And I've had to say 'in this situation we can't take any of their organs'.

I don't know how many of you watched the Birmingham children's hospital documentary last night with the little lad who choked on some plastic and unfortunately passed away. Watching it I wondered if they'd talk about organ donation. Not only how it's an amazing thing to do, but also about how hard it is to do. Particularly in that kind of situation - that little boy wasn't injured or hurt and in that situation asking a parent to let someone operate on your perfect child is so so hard.

As well as raising awareness of organ donation that kind of situation makes those of us who think 'of course I'd donate my family member / my child's organs, they'd be dead so they won't miss them' understand just how big an ask it is when it comes right down to it.

potatofish, I absolutely know it, which is why I'm asking for help to make peace with it. I want to feel at ease with it because I want to do it. I know it won't make any difference to me when I'm dead so I want to do it. I mean that the organs are harvested and then we are buried or cremated or whatever it is. Personally I've asked for a crypt as neither take my fancy!!

For those asking about blood. I would but I'm not allowed due to meds. I've registered for the delete blood cancer thing too. But those things do not depend on my death to be taken.

Interesting to compare it to blood donors. I've been giving blood for years, and am also on the organ donor register. My DH was too, but because of his leukaemia his organs were no good to anyone when he died. (Am also on the stem cell transplant list as a result of his death). I would give any of my bits to anyone if I died, and I know DH would have wanted to too if he could. I understand that it's hard, but if there's anything at all that can come out of a tragic death...

age81 that really puts this into perspective, thank you.

I had a mum because a generous family donated her an organ from their loved one. Without it she would have died in her early 30's leaving 3 young children. Instead, she lived to raise them to adult hood, living a happy and fulfilled life in which she also helped many others in her profession. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for that gift. It is beyond words.
On another note, I work in a job that sometimes deals with dead bodies at different stages after death. Without being too graphic, the decomposition process starts incredibly quickly and however you view it, bodies do not stay whole for long by the course of nature. What happens in this process is far more disturbing (to me) then the idea of my organs living on in someone else. Totally personal though and I do respect everyone's views on this.
Thank you for raising this OP, it is a subject that needs to be discussed.

I have close friends who received organs. And I've lost people close to me.
The life and quality of life an organ gives is way worth any squeamishness imo. It's not nice to think about but when you see the difference it makes to other people it's completely worth it.

I am happy to donate anything of use of mine, but I feel squeamish about my eyes, for some reason that is not logical.

I'd struggle with donation with my children though, I must admit.

what about 'spare embryos' from IVF, how do people feel about that?

(totally different, I get that, but made me think)

Oh FFS. If you say yes to organ donation, lives may be saved.

If you don't, you'll get buried or cremated intact. Whoop-de-doo.

I very much think, your body, your choice. Anyone can have anything worth having (minus my eyes). But I do think that the 'making your peace' bit comes from you making your peace with where you go after death. I don't need my organs, as I don't think I'll need them. I have no rationale for my eyes; that's a personal weird. Dd currently feels she could not donate anything as she currently feels that she may need everything in her version of the afterlife. I don't think it's about making peace with donation; I think it's more about maybe the fact you are unsure about what happens next.

Well, they'll either be rotting or burning otherwise so if they can save someone else's life, someone's child, even, then have at me. I'll be dead, I'm not going to feel it.

i have a donor card since I am 18. My mum and dad had very different views about it (after watching a TV documentary about it) and I just showed them my card and told them I would come back and haunt them if they would refuse my wishes. My mum (supporting donation) just couldn't stop laughing with me basically overruling my dad.

DH and I both have up-to-date cards and we will put DD on it as well. You need to die a certain death to be suitable but in my view, my body will disintegrate, so a waste of material other people need to survive. And after seeing my uncle suffering with just one kidney and my cousin's daughter knowing a heart transplant is on the cards at one point, I am grateful of all people willing to be selfish and overrule their next of kin.

As I would object to an open viewing anyway (that's just gruesome to me) I don't see an issue with stitching marks....

I know how you feel, OP - but I think it took a serious bereavement before I felt it iykwim.

I haven't let it change what I'd do (I would always want to donate anything of me that was worth having) but it is the thought of one of my loved ones being incomplete. It's hard to process that - except to establish it's what they'd want, and to think of the life you'd save/improve.

Think of it as a gift. The most amazing one.

My mum helped 8 organ recipients, and we got the chance to sit with her and say goodbye. The recipients wrote to us to thank my mum and us for the chance to live.

It's immensely comforting to know we did that - it really helped me grieve actually.

All death is weird to think of - hence we have religion because although we know there are huge questions around the meaning of life etc, we can't actually compute life, the only thing we know, ending.

I can't donate blood at the minute as my (male) partner has has sex with men in the last couple of years, but once the appropriate length of time has passed I'll donate again.
Does anyone know if the same rules apply for organ donation? I don't know if I believe in anything after death, a soul or whatever, but I'm pretty sure if we have any awareness or "life" after death, it's not going to be dependent of the flesh box we used to cart our "soul" around in when we were alive, so I'm more than happy for my organs to be used to give someone more time or an improved quality of life in the case of cornea transplants.
I tell my children that people live on because of the memories they leave and the love that people have for them. Imagine living on in the memory of a stranger as the unknown person who saved their life, or the life of their child or partner. That's a legacy to be proud of.

No definitely not that, I'm of a scientific bent, and think that the lights go out and that's it. I think it's more about possession than anything else and a hangover from my fathers death.

Why are so many people weirded out by eyes? Surely they come under the same principles....?!

When we die we are just meat - lumps of flesh.
If it can be re-cyled and made useful, why not? It would only be burnt or buried anyway.

We live in amazing days where science has allowed doctors to change our spare parts.

I was in the position of having to consider what I'd do if I needed new corneas a few years ago. Three of my four siblings have had to have theirs replaced and there was a high likelihood that I would too. The idea of it totally freaked me out, to be honest and I decided that I wouldn't have the operation. There was something just too creepy about the idea of literally seeing through somebody else's eyes. Thankfully I turned out not to have inherited the disease in question. For my siblings, the surgery was the right thing, but for me it wouldn't have been. I'm sure I would have felt differently if I needed an organ to survive.

Having said that, I'd have no problem at all with my organs or bones, corneas or skin or whatever was useful being used after my death. I won't be needing them. My dad always said he didn't want to be a donor because he thought the doctors wouldn't try so hard to save him if they knew. I think that's bollocks, personally, but he's entitled to his opinion. Unfortunately it would appear that everyone else is also entitles to his opinion!

Maybe have a look at the Connor Saunders foundation. They are on fb Twitter etc and talk about the comfort their son being a donor brought to them in a horrendous situation.

I had my eyes operated on as a child, so I don't think they could use mine anyway.

The way I see it, it's a part of the person which lives on, iyswim. For me it would be a comfort to know their heart or whatever was still beating somewhere, keeping someone else alive.

I am a registered organ donor but I strongly oppose the opt out policy. It's just so wrong to me.