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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel like this about organ donation?

346 replies

frizzfactor · 07/09/2016 23:01

So a little back story. My father died very suddenly in my late teens. When he was buried the idea of him not being 'complete' was totally abhorrent.

Up until his death, I had thought I would always donate all my organs, but now I'm horribly struggling with the idea. I will be 40 in a little while and live in an area where you actively have to opt out of doing so.

I totally get that my decrepit and abused organs could potentially save a life, but the thought of being harvested and disposed of by some means (don't even get me started on that one!) horrifies me. I would like to find peace with this so any help greatly appreciated. However I also want to know if anyone else feel this way or am I being totally unreasonable?!?

OP posts:
Original poster
frizzfactor · 07/09/2016 23:20

Also would NEVER block someone else's wishes.

OP posts:
MrsMook · 07/09/2016 23:20

I've opted in, but did pause to think about corneas. Eyes seemed much more personal than the organs that I've never actually seen. I did tick the "any part of my body" box because I won't be needing them and it will be beyond my concerns at that point. Donating helps improve the life opportunities for others.

mineofuselessinformation · 07/09/2016 23:21

If I may, I'd like to tell you about an experience of mine:

A student (over twenty years ago) brought a box of tissues to a 'show and tell' type exercise we were doing - she had (and still has) CF. I didn't know about it, and was truly shocked. At that time, CF sufferers were not expected to live past 21.

I can't remember how long ago it was, it was at the time when Prince Philip was hospitalised at Papworth, but anyway, around that time she was able to have a lung transplant.

Without it, she would have died - she was so ill, she was permanently in hospital, in a vibrating jacket to help her bring up her secretions.

I'd always wanted to be an organ donor, but was a bit squeamish about certain things, like my corneas.

Hearing her story really made me think about it. She has been able to live a full life and is still quite healthy.

I have children. Would I want them to be able to receive organs? Absolutely (and one of my dcs may need a kidney in the future).

Your choice is absolutely your right, but knowing what I know, I've decided to put my own aversion to one side, and my family know I want to donate anything that might be useful to someone else.

Sorry my post is so long. Blush

OdinsLoveChild · 07/09/2016 23:23

What good are your organs when turned into ashes or rotting in the ground?

My cousin died while on the waiting list for a new heart. He was 26 years old. Its hard enough losing a loved one but when you know there are potential donors removing their names from the donor list on a daily basis, that pool of potential life saving donors getting smaller and smaller, that chance of improving and extending a life for someone becoming rarer, that chance being removed because someone would rather be buried or cremated complete with all their organs intact. For what reason would you not donate?

It breaks my heart every day. And now I'm sat here crying because if we could have persuaded someone like you to donate maybe he could have lived to have seen his son being born, his brothers wedding, my wedding even and his parents 40th wedding anniversary, his Mums 60th birthday... Sad

Salmotrutta · 07/09/2016 23:24

TheDuck - thank you for sharing your brother's story.

AnnaMarlowe · 07/09/2016 23:24

The thing is, if the person dies young the likelihood is that they will have already been cut up a but (due to attempts at life saving) or due to accident or illness.

It's hard to think about but consider what an incredible gift to be able to give to another person, another family. To have a little bit of you going on in the world somewhere.

My friend's Mum died for lack of a kidney transplant.

BestZebbie · 07/09/2016 23:25

About holding them as they died - in an organ-donation-suitable end-of-life situation doing that would only hold significance for you (although that is also very important!). If your loved one was still aware enough to know that you were with them then they would not be at the point of having organs removed.

mineofuselessinformation · 07/09/2016 23:25

Flowers for you, Theduck, your family made a very generous and brave decision.

DonaldStott · 07/09/2016 23:25

I am of the thinking that I will be dead, so not really bothered who has what of my body, but my Mil was a nurse for years and is rather squeamish over it and said she doesn't want to be harvested.I was quite surprised at that.

It has not put me off wanting to be a donor.

Salmotrutta · 07/09/2016 23:26

Odin - I'm sorry.

IamtheZombie · 07/09/2016 23:26

Zombie wishes she could be an organ donor. But she can't as she has metastatic cancer. Her corneas may be safe but none of her other organs are.

Original poster
frizzfactor · 07/09/2016 23:26

Thank you for the personal stories, they're very touching and helping me come to terms with the idea more than anything else.

OP posts:
SpaceDinosaur · 07/09/2016 23:26

On a slightly related note... Well, not a million miles off, how do you feel about accepting or donating blood or bone marrow OP?

I was brought up with a mum and Dad who both donated blood and were on the BM register. Dad donated DM once too to someone he had never met.

Neither of them are able to donate any more owing to ill health, age etc.

My brother received 6 units following a haemorrhage. He's no longer allowed to donate but he did when he could.

I donated until I became pregnant. I'll get back on it when I'm allowed to again.

It may be controversial but why should you take something that you are not prepared to give?

I would accept a heart so I would give one. I'm on the register, my wishes are well known.

Your body is nothing more than a case for "you" sometimes the damn thing needs running repairs and sometimes major changes (organs)
When I die I'm not going to be using them any more. Why would I be selfish?

The part of death which utterly appalls me is decomposing in a box in the ground. UGH! Nice clean cremation here thank you! Grin

PeppaAteMySoul · 07/09/2016 23:27

I feel odd about it, like you do. I'm on the register though because I know I'd accept an organ for me or my child in a second if needed. Only feels fair I guess.

Hmmnotkeen · 07/09/2016 23:27

Your actual organs are either going to rot in the ground or get burnt up. It's as simple as that. You could save a bunch of lives, or you can be an intact corpse.

Kalopsia77 · 07/09/2016 23:28

I have a couple of lovely friends on the waiting list for organs. Clever, gorgeous, funny people with jobs and children and very uncertain futures. I'm happy for any of my bits to be useful to anyone if I don't need them anymore. I hate the thought (for obvious reasons) but I wouldn't think twice about consenting to my kids' organs to be used either although I feel really squeamish about it. It's weird and horrible and heartbreaking and beautiful and I totally understand the conflicting emotions but how fucking awesome is it that we can all help random strangers to live when we are dead?!

neonrainbow · 07/09/2016 23:29

I'm sorry to those who lost loved ones. A 6 year old little girl i know has cystic fibrosis. One day she will need a lung transplant. It's tragic that she could die waiting for an organ. The sooner England moves to an opt in system the better.

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/09/2016 23:29

I can't understand anyone who would take an organ but not donate them. Just so selfish. How can you make peace with being that kind of person?

Everything donate-able was taken from my father, I really hope that someone benefited. I know for a fact I would want to receive an organ therefore anything of mine is absolutely fair game after my death.

Why is it better for them to rot in the earth or burn to ashes?

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/09/2016 23:30

I guess you can't help how you feel. Sake as I feel the exact opposite way. I'm on the register as I can't imagine throwing away perfectly good organs that could change so many lives. They can take anything they want from me and I sincerely hope no one overrides my wishes

Ekefox · 07/09/2016 23:30

My DD has a complex congenital heart disease. She'll likely need a transplant one day. People not donating simply because they don't like the idea of it makes me sad. Really really sad. Throwing away something so so precious that so many weren't lucky to be born with functioning.

bumsexatthebingo · 07/09/2016 23:30

You won't be complete anyway - your organs will either be burned or rot in the ground. I'm not sure why anyone would prefer their organs to be cremated or decompose rather than save a life. Imagine if it was your own child who needed the organ and you had opted out. Or someone you knew opted out who could have saved your childs life.

Potatofish · 07/09/2016 23:30

OP, I think you're understandably still letting your trauma from the early death of your father cloud your judgement. You are being unreasonable, but you know that. What do you mean by being 'harvested and disposed of in some way'? From medical friends, I gather it's an extremely respectful process.

neonrainbow · 07/09/2016 23:31

Opt out i mean

Mummyto2bubs · 07/09/2016 23:31

The way I see it, once we die, all that is left of us is our soul. Our body is no use to us anymore. It was merely a vessel for us in this life. Taking that away from us once we die does not make us any less complete, or hinder us from looking down on our loved ones. I hope that helps. I hope to be an organ donor, but I do get where you're coming from. x

Mintychoc1 · 07/09/2016 23:32

My brother died but wasn't found in time for his organs to be used. 30 years later I still miss him terribly, and it would be a huge comfort to me if any of his organs could have been used to help someone.