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Original poster

Gran to mind special needs baby while parents go on bender at festival

182 replies

purplemonkeywashesdishes · 05/09/2016 14:59

Title says it all.

Baby with special needs to be left with recently widowed granny while parents go to a three day festival as they need a break.

Does anyone else see this as entitled behaviour or am I just a complete bitch to think this is taking advantage?

Some background:
Parents are in their mid-40s and will be taking drugs at said festival
Food will not be supplied to granny, despite the fact that the baby is only 7 months and is in the process of being weaned (yet won't always take bottles and eats very little)
Baby wakes multiple times throughout the night
Granny will have to drive 50 miles to collect baby
Baby makes strange, is very unsettled
Granny is recently widowed and has no support

...but apparently they need a break...they have had a hard few months but how is going to a festival and going on a bender a break?

OP posts:
SolomanDaisy · 05/09/2016 16:24

Just say no. And try to stop being so angry at your own child, who has managed to conceive at an age in life when it will have been a struggle and has spent 7 months with a baby with special needs, waking several times a night. You don't have to babysit, but a bit more empathy and a bit less judgement will do you no harm.

Delta1411 · 05/09/2016 16:25

Its clearly a family member trying to remain anonymous.

While I don't condone drug taking I don't see the issue with them having a break.

I went to NYC with my husband for a week after we had our third, I did deserve a break I had family looking after my kids who were more than happy. I am not entitled, though appreciate I am lucky.

If granny has agreed she obviously feels like they deserve it.

Not your business and I'm shocked someone could think bringing up a special needs child is easy. Shame on you OP.

NerrSnerr · 05/09/2016 16:28

I wouldn't believe the gossip about drugs unless you know for sure. When I was 18 I got kicked out of a club for being drunk and in arguments my mum still says 'at least I don't get kicked out of nightclubs' it was 15 years ago, so maybe they used to do recreational drugs and the person still talks about it as if they're doing it now.

You don't have to look after the baby if you don't want. It's your choice. How are they coping? Especially if one of them has just lost a baby. Could you suggest that

NerrSnerr · 05/09/2016 16:29

Sorry posted too soon. Could you suggest that you only do one night or just an afternoon to give them a break?

shrunkenhead · 05/09/2016 16:32

"Baby makes strange....." what? Noises?
Sounds an interesting scenario. Guessing granny is happy to look after baby as will take her mind off dead husband or she wouldn't have agreed to it. Guess parents can do whatever they like as long as it doesn't impact on baby. Has mum left plenty of milk in case baby doesn't eat much veg/fruit?

SleepDeprivedAndCranky · 05/09/2016 16:33

Sorry I missed what this has to do with you Op. Which person are you in this ranty tale thread?

Original poster
purplemonkeywashesdishes · 05/09/2016 16:33

I found out about the drugs from one of my own siblings. It was revealed by accident. I truly believe there was no malice involved.

I never said having a child with special needs was easy. I know it's hard. I raised five healthy children as a single parent so I have some idea what it's like. What I'm upset about are the drugs and how I feel they need to take responsibility. As someone posted its a lifestyle choice to have kids. Do any of you here go and get your brains at festivals while your parents look after your kids for three days?

OP posts:
user1471734618 · 05/09/2016 16:35

" Do any of you here go and get your brains at festivals while your parents look after your kids for three days? "

actually no.

SleepDeprivedAndCranky · 05/09/2016 16:36

I see you are the granny. You sound more angry than concerned?

ohdearme1958 · 05/09/2016 16:37

Im a grandma to 6 and I always babysit and do school runs etc. My children also babysit for each other as well as help each other out. The children are for all of us to love and care for, including the two with SN.

OP your ridiculous thread is nothing more than a flat pancake.

bearleftmonkeyright · 05/09/2016 16:38

Just say no op, this is not going to end well is it. You don't want them to go, that much is clear, so it's best you rescind the offer and everyone knows where they stand. I quite often like a night out and have got totally off my tits and I have three dc.

Soubriquet · 05/09/2016 16:39

If I had someone to baby sit for 3 days I would LOVE to go to a festival and drink all day.

Wouldn't do drugs as I don't like them but I would drink until I couldn't walk

Your life is not over just because you have children. As long as a responsible adult is in charge, and the parents are fit and healthy upon pick up, you can still have fun

Yorkieheaven · 05/09/2016 16:39

But if it's a complete shock to you regarding the drugs it's highly likely that your sibling is shit stirring. Most people who go to festivals don't take drugs whatever the daily fail states.

I am a gran and 50. My grandson is 5 months and I have him overnight to give them a break. He wakes up too.

I admit I would find it very hard to do 3 nights but that's because I have other caring responsibilities so would refuse more than a night for now.

I think as you agreed knowing about the time away, lack of sleep and SN you would be strange to let them down on the word of a sibling
Have you asked them about drugs?

JaneAustinAllegro · 05/09/2016 16:40

I'd imagine q a few get out of their brains at festivals while their kids are in a tent with a babysitter at the same festival, so you should be happy they're being more responsible than that.

If their lifestyle and this request pisses you off, don't enable it and say no.

Baby presumably has one or two other grandparents? 50 mile journey to collect baby? go and stay at baby's house where it has its own bed / kit etc - surely that would be much easier for whoever does agree to this? Baby in process of being weaned? granny supplied banana surely very similar to parent supplied one, and if granny stayed in baby's house, then it's the same banana.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 05/09/2016 16:42

You sound jealous of them having some repspite and fun. And a bit competitive - you say you know how hard it is having a child with special needs because you had 5 healthy children? 😖 I'm sure both sitiations are very hard but not sure you can compare.

If drugs are a deal breaker, refuse the favour.

NerrSnerr · 05/09/2016 16:45

You still can't know for sure about drugs unless you ask them. Even if they told you without malice are you 100% sure they're right and they will be doing drugs now? If, after you know the facts it's deal breaker then say no.

shrunkenhead · 05/09/2016 16:46

Why don't they go to a family-friendly festival then they can take the baby with them? Pop it in a sling and away they go. (Obviously they might have to give the drugs a miss if in charge of a baby!)

Soubriquet · 05/09/2016 16:48

shrunken

They obviously want time away from the baby.

It is allowed you know

Isetan · 05/09/2016 16:52

You had a choice and chose to say yes. Rather than bitching about their choices, deal with you own.

NerrSnerr · 05/09/2016 16:52

Shrunken maybe they don't want to go with the baby. They might want a break.

NothingMoreThanFelines · 05/09/2016 16:52

Would you have been happy to look after the baby if it weren't for how the parents were choosing to spend their time off? If you weren't comfortable with that level of responsibility you should have refused (and still can).

I'm not sure what the baby's SN have to do with the matter - nothing you've said suggests s/he'll need more care than a typical baby - but as the parent of a toddler with SN, I do know how important it is to have a break.

I wouldn't have asked my parents to look after my DD overnight at that age - too much medical stuff going on - but I was desperately grateful for any help they were able to provide. I'm sure your son/daughter feels the same. It seems very unkind to use parenthood as a rod to beat them with. Having a child with SN makes you only too aware of the seriousness of being a parent.

AgnesCactus · 05/09/2016 16:56

I'm guessing you're in Ireland and they've been to Electric Picnic. It us possible to go and not take drugs. I would question the motives of the poerson who told you about the drugs tbh.

Also for the poster above who questioned the phrase "making strange", in Ireland it means that the baby gets upset when handed to strangers (anyone other than mum or dad).

HyacinthFuckit · 05/09/2016 17:02

If you feel it's too much, you have every right to say no. And indeed should do if you're really concerned. Taking on a high needs baby is not something to do lightly. It isn't necessarily unreasonable of them to ask, it isn't unreasonable of you to say no, and if there are other families for whom this arrangement works that has nothing to do with anyone else. If you are willing to look after the child, what they do while they're away doesn't really make any difference to you, does it?

RebootYourEngine · 05/09/2016 17:05

I would be pissed off about the drugs and would say no solely on that reason. Everything else you are being unreasonable. However if you dont want to babysit you dont need to.

SloanePeterson · 05/09/2016 17:06

To get back to something you said, my mum also raised 5 healthy children as a single parent. She has no idea how hard life is in our household with 2 parents (though i too was a single parent for a time) and 3 dc, the middle of whom has asd. She laughed me off when ninjas worried about her and my dad having my 2 sons for a few days last month (the first time in all his 8 years that I've asked.) I swear when we returned her hair was practically white! There's just no comparison to having a child with additional needs. Until you live it, you have no idea. They deserve to let their hair down. Sometimes (and I hate to say this) having a dc with severe needs can feel like a life sentence. You need little glimmers of freedom every now and then

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