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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gran to mind special needs baby while parents go on bender at festival

182 replies

purplemonkeywashesdishes · 05/09/2016 14:59

Title says it all.

Baby with special needs to be left with recently widowed granny while parents go to a three day festival as they need a break.

Does anyone else see this as entitled behaviour or am I just a complete bitch to think this is taking advantage?

Some background:
Parents are in their mid-40s and will be taking drugs at said festival
Food will not be supplied to granny, despite the fact that the baby is only 7 months and is in the process of being weaned (yet won't always take bottles and eats very little)
Baby wakes multiple times throughout the night
Granny will have to drive 50 miles to collect baby
Baby makes strange, is very unsettled
Granny is recently widowed and has no support

...but apparently they need a break...they have had a hard few months but how is going to a festival and going on a bender a break?

OP posts:
Buggeritimgettingup · 05/09/2016 15:09

So baby lovingly looked after and keeps company for blood relative helping recently bereaved blood relative feel useful wanted and connected with the world while parents have a night away?

welshgirlwannabe · 05/09/2016 15:09

Also taking drugs - this could mean smoking a joint or two couldn't it? Hardly calls for outrage

HereIAm20 · 05/09/2016 15:09

My guess is that you are the granny and agreed to have baby before you tealised (a) what they were doing while they were away or (b) the fact that they weren't leaning food etc. Or you are a sibling of one of the parents and your pissed off that your Mum is doing this fir them having never done the same for you.

If you are Granny I assume it's already happened as not sure if there are any upcoming festivals. You know mow yo decline next time. If still to happen just buy in some jars if you don't want to puree - they are in no position to complain or tell them they need to provide food.

If you are anyone else - not your business!

HereIAm20 · 05/09/2016 15:10

Excuse typos - stubby fingers on iPhone

Birdsgottafly · 05/09/2016 15:11

I'm a Widow Nan and I've been seriously ill, I'm still ill, but had my Granddaughter, overnight, whilst her Mum went to the V Festival.

My GD, keeps me going, at times.

My Mum (also Widowed) helped me with my three, still in her 70's (she was also a LollyPop Lady), she said they kept her young, she worked until she was 80.

I've had two children with SN, just because I'm aging, that won't change.

Go to your Local Hospital and start declaring what Staff need to leave, based on their age and Marital Status, or you may not sleep tonight.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 05/09/2016 15:12

If you are parent - go for it

If you are Gran - if you don't want to do it, say no

If it's someone else's family - it's fuck all to do with you. They aren't leaving the child in a cage somewhere.

BertrandRussell · 05/09/2016 15:13

God, I hate mean spiritedness.

ilovesooty · 05/09/2016 15:14

Unless you're personally involved mind your own business .

harderandharder2breathe · 05/09/2016 15:15

Gran can always say no or ask parents to provide food their child will eat

Yabvu to stick your nose in. Unless you're granny in which case Yabvu to have agreed and then complain about it

Hmmnotkeen · 05/09/2016 15:15

Unless you are Gran, this has nothing to do with you.

If you are Gran, you can say no if you want.

purplefox · 05/09/2016 15:16

Grandparents look after their grandchildren all the time, what's your issue?

ImperialBlether · 05/09/2016 15:16

My children are adult and if they had a baby I would be so excited to babysit for a couple of days. You sound very judgemental and btw what does "Baby makes strange" mean?

LetitiaCropleysCookbook · 05/09/2016 15:17

It all depends on whether Granny was coerced into having her grandchild for what sounds like a full-on 3 days for her (and the parents!) by being guilt tripped etc., and she doesn't actually feel up to the challenge of looking after a 7 month old, or she happily volunteered her services to give them a much-needed break. Which is it?

Cocklodger · 05/09/2016 15:17

Am I the only one that thinks the title sounds like a DM headline?!

kali110 · 05/09/2016 15:17

I'm thinking jealous sibling

Rachcakes · 05/09/2016 15:18

My teen lives with my widowed mum during the week to go to a better school for him. It works for both of them.
He has 1-1 attention and help with his homework, and she has someone to cook for and go out for tea with, instead of dinners for one every night.
I'm still his mum and have a great relationship with both of them, but it the arrangement has had a positive effect on our entire family.

Ratley · 05/09/2016 15:18

Live and let live OP. Its not something I would do but I am sure there are things I do do or have done that others don't agree with.
PS can I guess that Gran is your MIL and you are annoyed that she does more for SIL than you and your partner.

Soubriquet · 05/09/2016 15:18

So parents aren't allowed a break? Ever?

Don't get me wrong, nan is recently bereaved so could use a bit of support yes, but these parents need a break.

Parenting is hard enough. Parenting a child with SEN is excruciatingly hard

JudyCoolibar · 05/09/2016 15:18

The child wakes multiple times during the night and it's "entitled" for the parents to want a short break?

What universe are you living in?

FetchezLaVache · 05/09/2016 15:19

I'm thinking we won't see OP again

FancyFlaps · 05/09/2016 15:20

I think you sound jealous op. Can't imagine why no-one wants to party with you....

ImperialBlether · 05/09/2016 15:21

It's a very goady thread.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 05/09/2016 15:22

Yabu. If the baby was 7 weeks you might have a point but come on! Parents of children with sn's are entitled to have a break or have hobbies you know. Hmm

LetitiaCropleysCookbook · 05/09/2016 15:23

It's either goady or the op is v. v. angry.

PurpleDaisies · 05/09/2016 15:25

Does anyone else see this as entitled behaviour or am I just a complete bitch to think this is taking advantage?

If I answer that honestly I think I might get deleted as a personal attack.

No, they are not behaving in an entitled way (as long as there's been no strong arming of the gran). Most grandparents willingly bend over backwards to spend time with their grandchildren, special needs or not.