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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am unreasonable (Wedding related)

313 replies

HairsprayBabe · 05/09/2016 08:35

DP's best mate is getting married next year and we have just been filled in on all the details. I am so horrified by what they have planned I don't want to go but I know it is their day and I am being VVU but I really need to vent about this as it is so ridiculous I am not sure how any one could take seriously as a "real" wedding.

For the record they are not well off and I wasn't expecting the Ritz more like, registery office, social club, buffet and disco or similar.

What they have planned is the following;
A registry office ceremony - full tails for the gents, hats etc for the women are expected by the bride for photos.
A 2hr slot in a pan-asian buffet style restaurant - speeches are banned.
A club night out on the local strip.

For the amount they are paying for the restaurant - buying meals for all guests - they could have had a private room in a social club with a buffet and a disco! I am upset for DP as it is his first time as best man and he has been banned from making any speeches.

I don't understand how this will feel any different from any other Friday night for this couple, there is low key but this is silly! Why go for the big princess dress just to take it to the local Chinese!

Any way I know it is unreasonable but this wedding will be VV weird... can anyone suggest an outfit I can wear to this monstrosity... Must have a hat.
HA

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 05/09/2016 12:21

I am upset for DP as it is his first time as best man and he has been banned from making any speeches

FFS this is truly pathetic.

Your special snowflake DP won't get to waffle on for a while?

But, he's not that special really, is he? Because there's another one! Is that what's annoying you?

The other gf sounds like a right cow, too. Just because there are two of you, doesn't mean you're right in any way.

Nakupenda · 05/09/2016 12:23

Did you ever wonder if this couple spend every Friday night comfortable, happy, totally in love with each other doing the same thing every Friday?
Do you not think that maybe when they discussed wedding plans they decided that they wanted to do exactly what made them happy, comfortable and totally in love with each other? They might have thought it was fitting.

Either way, you judging them for it IS unreasonable and it honestly makes you sound like such a shitty person. A person I would not want anywhere near my wedding. Not everyone wants to spend thousands of pounds on a one-day party.

I hope you decide not to go and spare them being affronted at your rudeness.

FrancisCrawford · 05/09/2016 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HairsprayBabe · 05/09/2016 12:27

Nope I love the other best man, the three of them are like brothers, it would be weird if they both weren't doing it.

...and it's not just me, see several other PP and RL examples FWIW other best man also thinks it's naff.

What you don't like is my "attitude"

OP posts:
exLtEveDallas · 05/09/2016 12:28

Ha! My best friend had her reception in a Chinese Restaurant. Bloody lovely it was - best wedding I'd been to in a very long time. It was a small wedding/guestlist, registry office, chain pub and then meal. food was fabulous and the atmosphere perfect.

Suck it up OP. You've been a twat and it's time to hold your hands up.

Waltermittythesequel · 05/09/2016 12:28

You're just a nasty piece of work, really.

I honestly don't think you should go. Why should they spend money on you?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 05/09/2016 12:29

That's right - that's because your attitude stinks.

HTH

Liiinoo · 05/09/2016 12:29

Perhaps if you sat down and told them how you felt they could rearrange the day to suit you?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 05/09/2016 12:30

On the plus side OP you can have the perfect wedding in a social club with a buffet, manky sandwiches and everything. And then you will prove how much of a better person you are.Smile

AllieinWonderland · 05/09/2016 12:31

Some of this is really awful.

You cannot call someone a "nasty piece of work" based on a few posts.

SaucyJack · 05/09/2016 12:33

"This sounds like the perfect wedding."

Of course it doesn't. It'd be a complete 'marr for anyone who wasn't 21, local and childless.

Would you really expect your great-aunt to travel 75 miles to go to a night club?

But it is their day, their choice Hun. An invitation is not a summons. Yadda yadda yadda.

Just stop pretending it sounds like a great idea to traipse round town all day dressed like a plum.

Waltermittythesequel · 05/09/2016 12:33

Sorry: you sound like a nasty piece of work.

bombayflambe · 05/09/2016 12:33

Meh, my Mum hated my (2nd) wedding. Two years on still mentions it every time I see her to say she felt overdressed (she wore a dress and cardi) and that it wasn't a proper wedding (because she wanted a sit down soup, chicken and profiteroles dinner).
However the general consensus of those who attended was that it was a fantastic wedding because it was so personal to us, full of things and people we loved, and everyone had a lovely relaxed day.
If the B+G love Asian buffet and clubbing then they have picked the best wedding for them. You may surprise yourself OP, and find that you have a great time.

FrancisCrawford · 05/09/2016 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waltermittythesequel · 05/09/2016 12:35

Just stop pretending it sounds like a great idea to traipse round town all day dressed like a plum.

It does sound great to me. I wouldn't dress like a plum anyway.

Short ceremony, then Chinese and a night out with friends? Sounds great!

JacquettaWoodville · 05/09/2016 12:38

In the standard hotel offering - canapés sit down dinner and a disco - there's no reason great aunts will like the disco either. Not sure why the night club part is any more "thoughtless!

ClaudiaWankleman · 05/09/2016 12:42

Jacquetta A disco in a hall is vastly different to a night in the local nightclub.

annandale · 05/09/2016 12:51

No I wouldn't. All my great aunts are dead and perhaps the same is true for them. Tbh I would find it easier to entertain and feed children at a buffet than the standard wedding breakfast. I paid six hundred pounds for the 30 children at my wedding to have the meal, and I doubt that what they ate added up to more than a quid. No agony about vegan options or gluten free, they can look up the buffet menu themselves. I just went to a lovely classic wedding this weekend as a guest and like an idiot I've spent £460 I don't have. This wedding I could look forward to.

user7755 · 05/09/2016 12:54

Goodness me, it's almost as though the happy couple have planned a day that they would enjoy rather than putting themselves through an ordeal which holds no appeal in order to keep someone else happy. Someone alert the church elders! Hmm

FWIW - my idea of an awful wedding is one in a hotel, with the same carpet, table covers etc, dried up chicken dinner, mind numbing speeches and cheesy disco as every other wedding package. However, given that it's not my day or my business, I go along and smile and enjoy seeing the happy couple on their special day. It's not hard.

EarthboundMisfit · 05/09/2016 12:54

I'd love to be invited to that wedding.

Bahhhhhumbug · 05/09/2016 12:58

Just wear a dress that won't look out of place in a nightclub and take the hat off and then your DP can take his hat and tailcoat off too so you will be just a couple in a dress and shirt and trousers in a nightclub and you wont look out of place. TBh if the bride wants to be in a nightclub in her wedding dress /veil /whatever then that is her problem really if anyone thinks she looks out of place/stares at her. Take the present to the restaurant and give it to them there (or ask where they want it to be taken or given to them ) and then again it is their problem if their gifts are at risk of being stolen because their 'reception' is being held in public places.

HanYOLO · 05/09/2016 12:59

Sounds great to me, refreshing lack of participation in the wedding industry. I think its U of B&G to specify dress code for guests. But at least it's not fancy dress. Get yourself a fascinator and go and enjoy yourself.

Batteriesallgone · 05/09/2016 12:59

Just stop pretending it sounds like a great idea to traipse round town all day dressed like a plum

Well some of us had quite similar weddings as you can see from the thread, no I'm not pretending that I enjoyed my wedding day Confused or that would enjoy a similar one if I was invited as a guest

waitingforsomething · 05/09/2016 13:00

Doesn't sound like a great wedding to me but you're being a snob. It's not your wedding so it's not really for you to get disappointed about. Wear a low-key outfit, as if anyone is going to be looking at you anyway, they'll be looking at the bride.
I'm sure you're DP will get over it, the best man speech is not the entire purpose of a wedding.

brewsandshoes · 05/09/2016 13:04

I think it is very sad that you are judging your friend for his choices, and it is sad that you feel like a wedding has to conform to societal-and-traditional set rules for it to count as a wedding. I hope you don't restrict the rest of your life in this way too.

This sounds like a fantastic wedding - you still get to dress up, all the embarrassing pretentiousness and awkwardness of wedding breakfasts is gone (not having to sit through long speeches sounds IDEAL!), and then going to a club that the bridge and groom already like? sounds like so much fun!

and even if you don't enjoy the 12 measly hours (maximum!) that you'll spend at the wedding, what a hilarious story to be able to tell in the future!