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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I know I am unreasonable (Wedding related)

313 replies

HairsprayBabe · 05/09/2016 08:35

DP's best mate is getting married next year and we have just been filled in on all the details. I am so horrified by what they have planned I don't want to go but I know it is their day and I am being VVU but I really need to vent about this as it is so ridiculous I am not sure how any one could take seriously as a "real" wedding.

For the record they are not well off and I wasn't expecting the Ritz more like, registery office, social club, buffet and disco or similar.

What they have planned is the following;
A registry office ceremony - full tails for the gents, hats etc for the women are expected by the bride for photos.
A 2hr slot in a pan-asian buffet style restaurant - speeches are banned.
A club night out on the local strip.

For the amount they are paying for the restaurant - buying meals for all guests - they could have had a private room in a social club with a buffet and a disco! I am upset for DP as it is his first time as best man and he has been banned from making any speeches.

I don't understand how this will feel any different from any other Friday night for this couple, there is low key but this is silly! Why go for the big princess dress just to take it to the local Chinese!

Any way I know it is unreasonable but this wedding will be VV weird... can anyone suggest an outfit I can wear to this monstrosity... Must have a hat.
HA

OP posts:

smokeybandit · 05/09/2016 08:53

So you thought they'd do:
Registry office
Buffet
Disco

And what they're doing is:
Registry office
Buffet
Disco

But you think it's horrible and don't want to go?

Please don't go then, that attitude will just put a downer on it for them.

HeyNannyNanny · 05/09/2016 08:55

My family and I have been in the local Chinese entirely in fancy dress before and no one gave a shit.

It'll clearly be for a wedding, the Bride may get some curious looks because well, she's the bride, but no one will look twice at you; done worry.

I really hope this is a reverse because I'd like to think that people can't really be this hideous irl

MangoMoon · 05/09/2016 08:55

Have to agree, you sound like a bit of a knob in the first post, but you're second post is just nasty, twatty, self centred pish and quite frankly I don't think you'd be missed.

Easy solution for you - don't go.
That way, everyone's a winner!

HTH.

Mittensonastring · 05/09/2016 08:55

It's their wedding and choice so none of your business but I don't see how wanting a reception in a social club makes the poster a snob. What makes her behaviour awful is that she only wants a private room so her partner can make a speech.

Laiste · 05/09/2016 08:55

God OP you sound like my mum! (that's not in a good way)

Just wear a nice dress and get a little fascinator (sp?) hat or something for the photos. An hour of your life?! The bride has said it's just for the photos for goodness sake. The gents can take the tail coats off for the night out.

Stop making a fuss. You sound like a petulant bore.

Bigbongos123 · 05/09/2016 08:56

I hope they recognise you from this post and promptly drop you both from their wedding.

MudCity · 05/09/2016 08:56

Sounds good to me. Much better than a (grotty) back room in a social club which you have to decorate, get caterers in and hire a DJ. This way it's all done for them and they don't have to waste time and money organising everything...menus, music, decorations...and worrying about it all on the day.

Our best man didn't make a speech either....we limited speeches to just the groom...he was relieved.

Yes, the dress code may seem a bit incongruous with the setting but I can understand they want people to make an effort and not come in their usual daywear just because of the setting.

It's their day. Some of the best weddings I have been to are the ones which, on the face of it, may seem unusual. It's a celebration and they are doing it their way. Good for them I say. Saves them a whole load of hassle and stress.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 05/09/2016 08:57

YABU.

It may not be to your taste, but if it's what they want to do, then that's absolutely fine, and a meal in a restaurant followed by club night out could also be lots of fun.

It's certainly nowhere near horrifying. It's not like they're having the reception in a strip club or have a nudist dress theme or are bankrupting themselves for some fairy tale wedding or something like that.

heron98 · 05/09/2016 08:57

I don't get the outrage. It's their day and speeches are boring.

Lj8893 · 05/09/2016 08:58

Um wearing wedding outfits in a restaurant is no more out of place then wearing wedding outfits in a social club.

Pimmmms · 05/09/2016 08:58

You will be a group, so not out of place. Are you really so self conscious that you can't go along with it for a laugh? (Although I agree wth you that it sounds cringeworthy, but each to their own!!)

MangoMoon · 05/09/2016 08:58

HeyNannyNanny, I didn't think it might be a reverse!
Hope it is.

If it's a reverse & you're actually the bride OP, then I wouldn't worry about what other people think if I were you - it's your wedding day, you do it in a way that is special to you & your husband, nobody else's opinion matters one bit.

MargaretCavendish · 05/09/2016 08:59

Well, why don't you do things your way if/when you get married and let them do things their way at their wedding?

By the way, I've been to a wedding where we had a pub meal and then went out rather than having a 'reception' as such. It was great - yes, people do look but it's a really fun atmosphere, with lots of people coming over to congratulate bride and groom.

Soubriquet · 05/09/2016 08:59

My SIL had her reception in a teeny tiny pub that was a bit dank really.
But it was fantastic. We all had a lovely evening.

Don't judge before you go

SestraClone · 05/09/2016 08:59

I didn't have speeches at my wedding, I find them cringey.

ShotsFired · 05/09/2016 08:59

When me and my BG talk about what we'd eventually like when we get married, we are in crashing agreement that we want an indian/chinese/hog roast informal meal rather than some sweaty buffet of quiche and stale sarnies or a formal 3 course sit-down.

OP, don't hold your breath for an invite

RhiWrites · 05/09/2016 08:59

Were you really keen to watch your partner make a speech? Maybe he can do a speech for you later at home? It's not my kink but each to their own!

ShotsFired · 05/09/2016 09:00

*BF not BG!

Original poster

HairsprayBabe · 05/09/2016 09:00

Yes because you all know me personally I am clearly a snob. I just dont get why you would want to spend your wedding day the same place you spend every Friday.

I don't understand why she wants all the play pretend fancy photos if she is just going to go have it in a Restaurant and then head to Fever and Popworld.

Pan-asian makes it sound glamorous - it's like a Cosmos, where most of the food is sat out for hours congealing.

OP posts:

maddening · 05/09/2016 09:00

Why should someone who does not have a massive budget go for a social club?

MrsJoeyMaynard · 05/09/2016 09:00

My main issue is that we will look like complete twats sat in a Chinese buffet wearing wedding dresses, tails and hats. It is not my idea of fun to have everyone staring at me for being so out of place.

Firstly, you'll be in a group of people all dressed up the same, so strength in numbers, and secondly, if people stare at anyone, it's going to be the bride, not you.

Toddlerteaplease · 05/09/2016 09:01

It doesn't matter what you think is appropriate. It's their wedding. Not yours. And it sounds like a perfect day. Not everyone wants a disco and speeches. I certainly wouldn't!

MudCity · 05/09/2016 09:01

Actually if I had my wedding again, I would have gone for a reception at an Indian restaurant as we love Indian food. We had the usual sit-down reception at a hotel and, quite frankly, that can be dull and impersonal.

VanillaSugar · 05/09/2016 09:02

Is this a reverse thread and you're the MIL canvassing opinions?

TeaPleaseLouise · 05/09/2016 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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