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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I know I am unreasonable (Wedding related)

313 replies

HairsprayBabe · 05/09/2016 08:35

DP's best mate is getting married next year and we have just been filled in on all the details. I am so horrified by what they have planned I don't want to go but I know it is their day and I am being VVU but I really need to vent about this as it is so ridiculous I am not sure how any one could take seriously as a "real" wedding.

For the record they are not well off and I wasn't expecting the Ritz more like, registery office, social club, buffet and disco or similar.

What they have planned is the following;
A registry office ceremony - full tails for the gents, hats etc for the women are expected by the bride for photos.
A 2hr slot in a pan-asian buffet style restaurant - speeches are banned.
A club night out on the local strip.

For the amount they are paying for the restaurant - buying meals for all guests - they could have had a private room in a social club with a buffet and a disco! I am upset for DP as it is his first time as best man and he has been banned from making any speeches.

I don't understand how this will feel any different from any other Friday night for this couple, there is low key but this is silly! Why go for the big princess dress just to take it to the local Chinese!

Any way I know it is unreasonable but this wedding will be VV weird... can anyone suggest an outfit I can wear to this monstrosity... Must have a hat.
HA

OP posts:

FrancisCrawford · 05/09/2016 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/09/2016 11:11

This sounds just like my wedding, and it was a great wedding!!!

We didn't have two beans to rub together but being married (rather than having a wedding) was very important to both of us. We only invited friends, all went to the local reg office together, then onto an all you can eat type place for a late lunch, then down our local town for a night out. And it was student night so £1 a drink :D Everyone who attended still talks about what a great wedding we had! 11 years on ad we don't regret a thing.

MrTCakes · 05/09/2016 11:16

I quite like the idea of a chinese buffet at a wedding, better that than having a roast dinner stuck infront of you. And speeches are bloody boring anyway.

Don't worry OP, you can have a proper wedding and show then how it is done when if you get married.

MrTCakes · 05/09/2016 11:18

And I feel sorry for the bride having people at her wedding who aren't happy for her. My mother in law had a face like a slapped arse all day and it was horrible.

TheNaze73 · 05/09/2016 11:22

Op, what is your real gripe? There's something far deeper going on here I think??

No reasonable adult, would be saying what you are, purely based on the wedding arrangements

JudyCoolibar · 05/09/2016 11:26

Please don't go if all you intend to do is sit in a corner sniggeringly spitefully.

peppercold · 05/09/2016 11:31

babydubs that's lovely

embo1 · 05/09/2016 11:41

Why do you care if YOU wouldn't choose it for YOURSELF?
IT'S NOT YOUR WEDDING

Velvetdarkness · 05/09/2016 11:42

Op I agree with you that it sounds crap. Exclusive use of a decent restaurant is one thing but sitting with randoms in a cafeteria style place is just rubbish. The food will be horrible (I went in a Cosmo once but I left once I had a look at the food) and there won't be a wedding atmosphere.
Same with the club. Being in with everyone else won't feel like a reception.
And the dress code sounds very pretentious considering the venues.
But suck it up and make the best of it because it's not your wedding.

ClaudiaWankleman · 05/09/2016 11:42

OP YANBU! It does sound awful. Clubbing is anti social and many guests will feel excluded/ unable to go. Has anyone ever managed to have a conversation in a club that didn't take place in a windy, smelly smoking area? There will be no chance for small talk, let alone actual conversation. You'll all just have to bop at the sides of the dance floor looking bored.

NewStartNewName · 05/09/2016 11:43

OP are you in Plymouth by any chance lol

pictish · 05/09/2016 11:43

That's why I'd cry off early doors Claudia.

AllieinWonderland · 05/09/2016 11:45

OP, as you know YABU and it is their choice. Also, I don't think it's right to go with the intention of sniggering about it. I think you need to remember that it is their day, and just tr your best to enjoy it - even if you do think it's a "monstrosity" (which I actually feel was a word choice intended with humour? I may be wrong but it sounds like you're joking by going so OTT). Just smile and if you try to have a good time, you probably will.

I also think some of the posters have been unnecessarily rude and downright mean -
"It's pretty clear you're doing it because you're a horrible person..."
Along with various others is crossing the line, I would say. Someone can be a bit of a snob but still be a nice person.

Please DONT go just to snigger though. Please try to enjoy the day and let them enjoy their day - you can do whatever you see as a 'real' wedding at your own affair, and you wouldn't like it if they came just to snigger.

Fadingmemory · 05/09/2016 11:47

For someone else's wedding... Dress appropriately (does not need to cost a lot), turn up, fulfil any tasks asked of you and smile, smile, smile.

annandale · 05/09/2016 11:50

This sounds like the perfect wedding. They want to get dressed up and for everyone else to make an effort too. Then they want to have a meal they can afford or even perhaps ask everyone to pay their own. Then dancing.

Of course your dh is agreeing with you, does he dare to disagree with you often? He's hoping you'll calm down so he can start looking forward to it. Best man without a speech, result! If he's desperate to make a speech why not write it in a card for them.

Everyone in the restaurant will love it and will want a selfie with the bride.

Paste on a smile and enjoy getting dressed up.

Gazelda · 05/09/2016 11:56

OP I hope if you ever get married, that no-one ever sniggers and bitches about your arrangements. And that you can confidently look around your guests in the knowledge they are all there because they are happy to share your day with you.

You, your DP and your friend sound graceless.

MiddleClassProblem · 05/09/2016 11:59

Maybe they love to eat there or something special happened there and if they go to the night club every Friday then why not have it somewhere that they clearly love and is a big part of their lives. I thought most people dreaded doing the speeches!

I think as you have acknowledged you are just feeling bitchy because she's a bitch. At the end of the day, you haven't got any responsibilities on the day, just go with the flow and enjoy it.

ClaudiaWankleman · 05/09/2016 12:00

The thing is with a wedding, yes you are being fed and you get to admire the bride/ groom and their love. Fantastic.

But you are also fulfilling a role for the couple too. You have probably bought an outfit, you are standing there and smiling for the enjoyment of the couple too. They wanted people to come and look at them. So as a wedding organiser, you also have to treat your guests well and keep them comfortable. A meal in a social club would have been 'comfortable' for guests in that it is completely and utterly boringly predictable and everyone would know where they stood. The Chinese restaurant is unorthodox, but manageable. However the nightclub will be uncomfortable for some guests, many probably won't go/ stay long or will feel awkward as they feel obligated to look happy somewhere that they don't enjoy. The B+G aren't thinking about the comfort or happiness of the guests that they are expecting to turn up and that is bad manners in my book.

DailyMailEthicalFail · 05/09/2016 12:01

I don't think you need to 'understand' why the bride and groom have chosen this format - the thing is - they have!

So, go graciously, or don't go at all.

OnionKnight · 05/09/2016 12:06

Their wedding, their choice.

Our wedding was very similar and everyone loved it.

You sound like a twat OP.

USbound · 05/09/2016 12:08

Aren't you lovely OP

BarbaraofSeville · 05/09/2016 12:12

Let's hope you don't know this couple, OP, who had their wedding breakfast in McDonalds.

McDonalds Hong Kong even do dedicated wedding packages .

AllieinWonderland · 05/09/2016 12:14

I really think some of the responses here are being quite nasty. You can disagree with the post, and express that, and give your opinion on the situation but that doesn't then require a comment on the poster's personality - which you're drawing from what, five posts about her negative opinion on someone she doesn't like's wedding?

I disagree with her attitude to this situation. It doesn't mean I can instantly brand her a "horrible person", a "twat" etc

Original poster

HairsprayBabe · 05/09/2016 12:19

Of course people will snigger at whatever I plan if I get married. You can't make everyone happy all the time. What you can do is make the majority of your guests comfortable - and yes monstrous was a joke, I don't speak in hyperbole often!

I promise I am not rotten and black inside nor do I look down my nose at people, I just think it's a shame that it won't feel like the celebration it is supposed to be.

Of course I will suck it up and smile for them, try to enjoy they day and buy them a lovely toaster or whatever is on the gift list. I do hope they let us check it in the cloakroom at Reflex though.

OP posts:

MissElizaBennettsBookmark · 05/09/2016 12:21

*Guestzilla
*

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