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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am unreasonable (Wedding related)

313 replies

HairsprayBabe · 05/09/2016 08:35

DP's best mate is getting married next year and we have just been filled in on all the details. I am so horrified by what they have planned I don't want to go but I know it is their day and I am being VVU but I really need to vent about this as it is so ridiculous I am not sure how any one could take seriously as a "real" wedding.

For the record they are not well off and I wasn't expecting the Ritz more like, registery office, social club, buffet and disco or similar.

What they have planned is the following;
A registry office ceremony - full tails for the gents, hats etc for the women are expected by the bride for photos.
A 2hr slot in a pan-asian buffet style restaurant - speeches are banned.
A club night out on the local strip.

For the amount they are paying for the restaurant - buying meals for all guests - they could have had a private room in a social club with a buffet and a disco! I am upset for DP as it is his first time as best man and he has been banned from making any speeches.

I don't understand how this will feel any different from any other Friday night for this couple, there is low key but this is silly! Why go for the big princess dress just to take it to the local Chinese!

Any way I know it is unreasonable but this wedding will be VV weird... can anyone suggest an outfit I can wear to this monstrosity... Must have a hat.
HA

OP posts:
pictish · 05/09/2016 09:34

Is it a wind up? Ah ok.
Nice one OP, you got me!

Birdandsparrow · 05/09/2016 09:34

It's not what I would choose at all, but you sound like a massive snob.

Headofthehive55 · 05/09/2016 09:36

The ideal wedding is the one you have, or should be. Every one else's is just well, not what I'd want in my opinion. Of course that's so because I don't plan everyone else's wedding!

You learn to make polite chat, and find something you feel you can comment on in a nice, polite way. You don't have to like the wedding! It's not necessary!

Stillunexpected · 05/09/2016 09:37

"we can just snigger about it together." - you're not even a snob, just a really nasty piece of work

rascalchops1 · 05/09/2016 09:38

Sounds better than some of the posh weddings I've been to in the past. Sounds a laugh. It's their day, so it's up to them how they celebrate it. The important thing is that they are marrying for the right reasons. I hate speeches at weddings, maybe they do to. Maybe their shy, who cares. Don't go if u don't like it

Original poster
HairsprayBabe · 05/09/2016 09:39

No it's real, I just don't want to fight anymore, just wanted a nice little bitching sesh about all the weird weddings other people had been to, expected a bit of backlash, not to be flayed alive though.

In case it hasn't come across I am not a fan of the bride. She has been abusive towards DPs friend in the past and my feelings about this are clearly affecting my judgement regarding their impending nuptials.

OP posts:
awfulpersonme · 05/09/2016 09:41

Drip feed much Hmm

Lj8893 · 05/09/2016 09:41

Drip, drip, drip.......

I bloody hate drip feeding!

mouldycheesefan · 05/09/2016 09:41

Don't go. U don't like the bride and are sneering at the wedding. Stay home and bitch from afar. It would be bad manners to attend in the circumstances.

Chewbecca · 05/09/2016 09:43

The only thing I would be a bit peeved is about hiring top hat and tails to be worn to a Chinese and a nightclub.

Other than that, sounds fine to me, I like variation in weddings and the concept of 'social club, buffet and disco' sounds like a fairly grim variation so I can totally see why they chose an alternative to that.

Original poster
HairsprayBabe · 05/09/2016 09:43

I didn't say earlier because I didn't want it to be about that... I was just trying to justify why I am being so snide about the whole thing.

OP posts:
wayway13 · 05/09/2016 09:43

I wish this was my wedding! I caved in and had a traditional wedding that I didn't want. Quick registry office ceremony, Chinese buffet and a club? Sounds brilliant! Props to your DP's friends for doing it their way. YABVU. And snobby.

April241 · 05/09/2016 09:44

It's not a weird wedding though, it's just not what you would do. Can't believe you're actually going to attend and have a snigger about it with one of the other women, how bitchy.

SadSock · 05/09/2016 09:45

So you've admitted that you don't like the bride, don't like the wedding and plan to go so you can snigger with a friend?! I really hope she sees this and uninvites you.

PGPsabitch · 05/09/2016 09:45

Clearly you don't like her op. It would have been better for you if your post had been about how you weren't looking forward to the wedding because you know one spouse to be will abuse the other.

Or if you'd started a thread asking for the weirdest weddings.

Rather then try and prompt a bitch fest since that just makes the poster come across bitchy rather then sharing anacdotes as you claim.

Yabu to judge their wedding. Yabu to bother going if you are judging and disliking. Ywnbu if you'd been actually worrying about the groom getting married to his abuser but that seems a lot of an afterthought.

SadSock · 05/09/2016 09:47

Ps wedding sounds fun. Speeches and samey sit down meals bore the life out of me. Buffet in a social club just sounds grim.

IceRoadDucker · 05/09/2016 09:47

I was just trying to justify why I am being so snide about the whole thing.

It's pretty clear you're doing it because you're a horrible person...

RegTheMonkey1 · 05/09/2016 09:47

"The other best man"? There are TWO best men?

OhTheRoses · 05/09/2016 09:49

It sounds delightfully unpretentious. Hope the tails are only expected of the wedding party. You can take your hat off to eat you know. My mother did and she's uber posh. The men all took their jackets and ties off too upon my father's and husband's request too.

shinynewusername · 05/09/2016 09:50

My main issue is that we will look like complete twats sat in a Chinese buffet wearing wedding dresses, tails and hats

I've heard they make removable hats now.

MarklahMarklah · 05/09/2016 09:50

Best wedding I went to was an American one. Night before is the 'rehearsal' - people were smartly dressed (but not dressed up) and walked through the ceremony for the next day. Then we all went out for dinner and the groomsman and maid of honour made speeches, as did the bride-to-be and groom-to-be.

Next day was the wedding - photos, dancing & buffet. Then everyone buggered off and left the b&g to commence married life.

I loathe the enforced disco with the chirpy DJ trying to get great aunt molly up to do Thriller. I loathe the forced jollity. The wedding you're invited to sounds like fun. If it's going to be such an ordeal, don't go.

IceRoadDucker · 05/09/2016 09:50

I am very happy for the bride and groom, I just didn't expect this from their wedding. I hope they have a lovely day and many happy years together.

In case it hasn't come across I am not a fan of the bride. She has been abusive towards DPs friend in the past

Mm'kay.

pictish · 05/09/2016 09:51

It's not a weird wedding though - it's simply not catered to your personal tastes.

ItsABanana · 05/09/2016 09:52

I just don't think a Chinese and a nightclub is appropriate for a wedding.

Says who? Confused A wedding is getting married to the one you love, surely, and you have the day that suits you both as a couple? There's no one way to do it!
Don't go if you can't bear the thought of it not being "proper" enough. I'd have thought it was more about your friends getting married that was the most important bit, surely!

Original poster
HairsprayBabe · 05/09/2016 09:52

Yup two best man all three have been best friends since primary school.

Also why am I a snob for saying chinese and club is grim but you lot are happy to slag off social club buffets all day, been to loads weddings christenings, wakes in them and they are always fine. How is slagging them off any better?

OP posts:
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