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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am unreasonable (Wedding related)

313 replies

HairsprayBabe · 05/09/2016 08:35

DP's best mate is getting married next year and we have just been filled in on all the details. I am so horrified by what they have planned I don't want to go but I know it is their day and I am being VVU but I really need to vent about this as it is so ridiculous I am not sure how any one could take seriously as a "real" wedding.

For the record they are not well off and I wasn't expecting the Ritz more like, registery office, social club, buffet and disco or similar.

What they have planned is the following;
A registry office ceremony - full tails for the gents, hats etc for the women are expected by the bride for photos.
A 2hr slot in a pan-asian buffet style restaurant - speeches are banned.
A club night out on the local strip.

For the amount they are paying for the restaurant - buying meals for all guests - they could have had a private room in a social club with a buffet and a disco! I am upset for DP as it is his first time as best man and he has been banned from making any speeches.

I don't understand how this will feel any different from any other Friday night for this couple, there is low key but this is silly! Why go for the big princess dress just to take it to the local Chinese!

Any way I know it is unreasonable but this wedding will be VV weird... can anyone suggest an outfit I can wear to this monstrosity... Must have a hat.
HA

OP posts:
IceRoadDucker · 05/09/2016 09:02

I am clearly a snob

Glad you agree.

Are you going to do the right thing and decline the invite? It's probably beyond you to do it graciously, but you could try...

CafeCremeEtCroissant · 05/09/2016 09:02

It does sound weird to demand Hats & Tails for a registry office & a meal at a Chinese restaurant 😁

As for the OP sounding like a snob, I disagree. No one who prefers the idea of a buffet in the village hall with a disco could possibly be described as a snob 😁😁

(No objection to a buffet in the village hall myself, I'd far prefer that than some snotty affair).

I'd be skipping out between the meal & the nightclub, that's my idea of hell frankly - even more so with a bunch of people looking really odd with tails & hats 😁

george1020 · 05/09/2016 09:02

Do you think your later posts are making you sound more reasonable? Because they really are not! You sound horrible!
Please don't go you will ruin their day.

SestraClone · 05/09/2016 09:03

If I saw a wedding party in a Chinese buffet, I'd smile and enjoy watching them have fun. Then I would notice the best man & his cats-bum wife sulking and think how awful they were. So yes, I'm sure you will be noticed!

expatinscotland · 05/09/2016 09:04

Sounds blissful! No fucking speeches. Who listens to that dross, anyhow? Fucking tedious in the extreme - just get to the food and drink, NO ONE CARES!

And then clubbing?! YES!

Why don't you and your boyfriend just sit it out and I'll go instead? Sounds like a wedding that will be fun for once, not same ol' same ol'.

mouldycheesefan · 05/09/2016 09:04

Nobody really wants a buffet in A social club in their wedding day do they?

This wedding definitely sounds unique and fun and the dress code will give it a sense of occasion.
Get a hat from the charity shop.

FrancisCrawford · 05/09/2016 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack · 05/09/2016 09:04

It doesn't sound great to me at all, and I don't think you sound like a snob for wanting the wedding to be held in a private room instead of a nightclub where you won't be able to sit down and talk to any of the other guests.

But it's not your wedding, and if the bride's idea of a good night is parading through town in her wedding dress so that everyone can see her then you need to suck it up with good grace.

ShotsFired · 05/09/2016 09:05

My main issue is that we will look like complete twats sat in a Chinese buffet wearing wedding dresses, tails and hats.

On several occasions, I have had to travel to London at 9am wearing evening dress and full-on very glamorous makeup.

  1. Nobody has batted an eyelid apart from a neighbour who said I looked cracking when she saw me getting the taxi to the station!
  2. It was fun!

If that is your biggest worry you need to remove the stick up your ass. If I saw people dressed up to their finest on a wet Wednesday in Cleethorpes I'd probably be admiring and pleased they were obviously out for a good time!

BasinHaircut · 05/09/2016 09:06

I think having your wedding in a nightclub sounds like a fantastic idea. None of the guests can complain if you don't invite the kids!

It's quite an unusual approach I agree, and I can imagine that my mum, for example, wouldn't be thrilled to attuned that sort of wedding, but who cares!

Can't think of anything I'd rather do less than go and sit in another function room at another golf club on a conference chair covered in cream material with a pastel bow tied around it eating a dry bit of chicken. At least people will remember this one for being individual and probably have a great time if they take the sticks out of thier arses!

FrancisCrawford · 05/09/2016 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MudCity · 05/09/2016 09:08

Yes you are being unreasonable but, worse still, I get the impression you think you are better than you are. Out of the choice between the Asian buffet or a social club, the Asian buffet sounds a lot nicer.

If it is beneath you, then please don't go.

LilyRose16 · 05/09/2016 09:08

Woah someone is bitter! You say it's DP who is best man, DP - not DH, perhaps a tad jealous?! Getting married is a personal thing, fair play to them doing what they want on their day and aren't you lucky enough to be invited?!

Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2016 09:08

Thing is OP you don't need to " get" why they are choosing to have their wedding this way. You just need to stop being so snotty and help them celebrate .
It's not how I would plan my wedding day but I don't think I ever been to a wedding where I've thought " oh wow, I should have had my wedding totally like this"
And as for being so concerns about what people at the buffet will think of you in your wedding finery then that's your problem. You must be pretty insecure to worry so much about what people you don't eve know might think and to be honest they probably won't even think about you at all.

JudyCoolibar · 05/09/2016 09:08

The last do I went to in "a private room in a social club with a buffet and a disco" was gruesome. It was all curling sandwiches, tasteless sausage rolls and crisps with warm wine and beer, and not enough seats. Within a relatively short time there were crisp crumbs all over the floor. I would actually pay money to go to a pan-Asian buffet instead. Trust me, no-one will give a rats arse about how you are dressed. In fact, if they've got a two hour slot, it sounds as if they may have booked the restaurant exclusively. And does your DH seriously care whether he makes a speech or not? He can probably do that at the stag do if he's that desperate.

SestraClone · 05/09/2016 09:08

Outrage as bride & groom do the things they enjoy on wedding day!

Cue op & her DH pulling Daily Mail sad faces.

MargaretCavendish · 05/09/2016 09:09

I just dont get why you would want to spend your wedding day the same place you spend every Friday.

Whereas a buffet in a room at the social club would be a rare and exotic treat?

Also, new thought to throw into the mix: maybe they really don't want your boyfriend doing a speech? Maybe that's one of the key deciding factors in the whole thing!

plutoisnotaplanet · 05/09/2016 09:10

I went to a wedding reception last week that took place in a comic book shop.. while it was still open Grin

They got married at the town hall and the whole wedding was fancy dress, i turned up in a pikachu onzie and was not at all out of place Grin

They then had a very cheap buffet (think cold sausage rolls and egg sandwiches) at the comic book shop and everyone played card games/ xbox for the whole evening, it was great fun and suited the couple down to the ground.

It wasn't a wedding I'd have chosen for myself and it was down right strange in places, but the couple had a great time and that's all that really matters :)

I admire your friends for their courage and dearly, dearly hope they see this and withdraw your invite..

Original poster
HairsprayBabe · 05/09/2016 09:13

I dont even care about the food aspect serve whatever you like I , it won't feel like a wedding, the restaurant is sprawling and always heaving. the chairs and tables are all crammed in it isn't cosy and it doesn't have a nice "atmosphere".

I also think it is a real shame that they have decided to go to clubbing in the evening as it excludes a lot of their families. I know the groom is very close to his.

OP posts:
MudCity · 05/09/2016 09:14

LilyRose16 Mon 05-Sep-16 09:08:47
Woah someone is bitter! You say it's DP who is best man, DP - not DH, perhaps a tad jealous?! Getting married is a personal thing, fair play to them doing what they want on their day and aren't you lucky enough to be invited?!

Lily has hit the nail on the head!

ICJump · 05/09/2016 09:14

The top hat and tail stuff is weird but I think it's weird at any wedding. The rest of it sounds fun and low key.

SillyMoomin · 05/09/2016 09:15

maybe the bride wants to have the dressed up photos in the chinese as "irony"

Maybe that's just what she and her intended want to do on THEIR day. Maybe they just love chinese. It's their wedding day. Emphasis on the word "their"

Stop being a ghastly guest and smile, be pleasant and wish them luck in their marriage. You sound a nightmare

MrsMozart · 05/09/2016 09:16

Please OP, don't go to this wedding. Unless you're a top level actress your attendance will put a dampner on the day.

pictish · 05/09/2016 09:17

What on earth are you on about OP?! Confused
Seriously, what is your problem?? You know you can take your hat off to eat, right? And that it's not your wedding...and that your dp's desire to do a speech is of no consequence...and that you are coming across as so inappropriate right now?

Just go and enjoy the day ffs.

CocktailQueen · 05/09/2016 09:17

Doesn't matter what YOU think, OP - it's THEIR day. Be nice.

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