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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you're a houseguest you should try to fit in with the family's routines?

106 replies

SeaFlute · 05/09/2016 06:39

Especially if you're staying longer than a month!

Not sure if I'm BU but it irks me that PILs sleep in until mid morning then take a 3-hour nap every afternoon. Whereas I am up at 1am, 3am, 5am with baby and up for day by 6am.

It also messes up all the family meals (7am-12pm-6pm) and they like to eat at 11am-4pm-9pm.

Trying to keep baby quiet and away from their room while they're napping is a PITA.

AIBU?

OP posts:
summerainbow · 05/09/2016 06:44

How old are they.

Summerholsdoingmyheadin · 05/09/2016 06:48

I would be glad that they sleep so much because it keeps them out of my way and means I don't have to entertain them as much or spend as much time wishing they would fuck off home

Original poster
SeaFlute · 05/09/2016 06:50

Mid-60s

They stay up until 1am watching TV

OP posts:
ConvincingLiar · 05/09/2016 06:52

That's rude. If you have children I'd stick to your normal meal times and make their supper self service after you've gone to bed.

SouthWindsWesterly · 05/09/2016 06:54

Eat in your own time and plate theirs up. And let your child play and make noise - did they visit to spend time with baby? Because that would piss me off. Go out, meet a friend, go to rhyme time or a group and leave them to it.

ShatnersBassoon · 05/09/2016 06:56

They shouldn't have to get up to eat breakfast at 7am. That's done through necessity, not choice.

Are they happy to sort out their own food? If they are, leave them to their own timetable. Don't worry about the crying baby, just carry on as normal.

LyraMortalia · 05/09/2016 06:56

My MiL is like this total pita. Doesn't go to bed til 1 and dh thinks it's rude to go to bed at 10 so he naps on the sofa whilst she talks at me.

KoalaDownUnder · 05/09/2016 06:58

They want to eat breakfast at 11 am and lunch at 4 pm?! Shock

They sound inconsiderate and kind of lazy, tbh. They're only in their 60s?? I was expecting you to say they're 80+.

1frenchfoodie · 05/09/2016 07:01

It is a bit rude of them and I'd, frankly, not be going to great lengths to keep baby quiet and away from their room. If they can still nap though the normal noise of the hous hen all power to them. I don't see not having breakfast together as a big deal as I'd rather like not having all meals together and their hours mean you get time to yourself with the baby rather than laying the host all the time.

It is a bit strange and inconvenient to have entirely separate meals though. If they eat at 11am then I'd ask them to wait for the family meal at 6pm rather than eat at 4pm.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 05/09/2016 07:02

They keep really weird times, surely when they stay at someone else's house they realise it is weird and antisocial to watch TV till 1 then sleep all afternoon?!

guests should broadly fall in with the family routine (unless unwell or other extenuating circumstances). If guests want to keep another routine they should try not to put their hosts out, eg "I won't have breakfast yet, I'll grab some cereal later if that's OK"

I would carry on living your routine in terms of getting up and mealtimes, and if they aren't ready to eat at 12 leave their lunch in the fridge

I would mention before they come next time that baby is noisy,_so if they want to nap undisturbed they should do it whilst baby sleeps or go to a hotel

minijoeyjojo · 05/09/2016 07:04

Urgh that is annoying. I'd a) be only doing any cooking for them at normal mealtimes and b) not be trying especially hard to keep the baby's noise away from them whilst they sleep.

If they are there for more than a month I'd hope for them to help out with cooking. Especially if I had a new/young baby. Both my parents and PIL were here to help when my DD was tiny and cooked and cleaned!

Oblomov16 · 05/09/2016 07:06

Why are they with you for a month?
Do you never talk about things before they come? Do you not say, well we eat at .... 6pm, you eat at 9pm ( which is totally ok if that's your Choice - I don't agree that their timings are "wierd") , how will we all manage that?

Peonie7654 · 05/09/2016 07:09

I would not be tiptoeing around or being quiet in the day.
I would not be cooking for them. ( I would be putting it on a plate for them) I would be very annoyed if the cooked and didn't clean up.

Honestly I would never have house guests for a month. They would irritate me. Why are they visiting?

eurochick · 05/09/2016 07:11

Just carry on as normal. Eat when you normally would. After say 8am don't make any particular effort to keep the toddler quiet.

I don't think it is hugely rude to have a bit of a lie in or a nap when you are a guest but you should fit in with mealtimes and not disrupt your host's entire routine.

NicknameUsed · 05/09/2016 07:12

Why do you have to have breakfast so early? I only eat this early during term time and on days that I am at work. When DD was a tiny baby and was feeding through the night she would often sleep through until about 9.30 from the 5 am feed.

I agree with everyone else though. Your PILs are behaving like people who are much older. Why didn't you just say "we eat our main meal at 6pm".

If they don't like it just plate it up for them to heat later.

And why are they with you for a month?

Chottie · 05/09/2016 07:12

I'm just wondering why they have come to stay. They don't seem to be part of the family at all. Are they playing with baby, taking baby out for walks, helping out? This sounds very tiring for you. when are they leaving?

RiverTam · 05/09/2016 07:13

I assume if they are there for a month they're not British, so their timings could be the norm in the own country.

Having said that, either they try to fit in as best they can or you crack on as you would and they can sort themselves out. And no, you don't need to keep the baby quiet while they nap - though that'll mean they won't need to be quite when the baby is sleeping either.

The times you are up with the baby are irrelevant, though.

MushuDragon · 05/09/2016 07:15

Carry on your own routine. Make enough for them at lunch and tea time and tell them they can warm it up when they are ready for it.

If the baby wakes them up, they'll have to deal with it.

You're acting like a guest in their home, not the other way around.

Sparklingbrook · 05/09/2016 07:18

That's really odd. Presumably they have come to spend time with you and your family and yet they are asleep most of the day. Confused What was the point in visiting?

Inertia · 05/09/2016 07:32

Cook meals according to what works for you and the children - if they don't want theirs they can stick it in the microwave later on.

cariboo · 05/09/2016 07:33

"Fish and houseguests stink after three days".

I don't know which is worse; having a houseguest or being one.

JudyCoolibar · 05/09/2016 07:35

Your PILs are behaving like people who are much older.

No, they aren't. The older you are the less sleep you need - I'm amazed they're able to sleep for three hours when they've only been up three or four hours. Absolutely don't do anything to keep the baby quiet and away from their room in the daytime.

scaryteacher · 05/09/2016 07:40

I have to make a real effort to get dinner on the table for 1800, and it's wasted as dh doesn't get home from work til 1900. The very earliest we eat in the evening is 1930 and it's sometimes later, depending on what we are doing....that's been the routine since we got married and we were in our 20s, so I don't understand the 'older people' comments.

pictish · 05/09/2016 07:43

As long as the don't expect quiet during their long lie and nap, or for you to make their meals, I don't see the problem.

Hmmnotkeen · 05/09/2016 07:51

Their hours for eating are slightly weird but I would never get up at 6am and eat at 7 unless I absolutely had to. I don't think its reasonable to expect guests to be up that early.