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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you're a houseguest you should try to fit in with the family's routines?

106 replies

SeaFlute · 05/09/2016 06:39

Especially if you're staying longer than a month!

Not sure if I'm BU but it irks me that PILs sleep in until mid morning then take a 3-hour nap every afternoon. Whereas I am up at 1am, 3am, 5am with baby and up for day by 6am.

It also messes up all the family meals (7am-12pm-6pm) and they like to eat at 11am-4pm-9pm.

Trying to keep baby quiet and away from their room while they're napping is a PITA.

AIBU?

OP posts:

5BlueHydrangea · 05/09/2016 07:53

Maybe they're not sleeping all afternoon....

As others have said, carry on with your day. Let them sort their own breakfast and lunch and have dinner for them. Would be rather more friendly if they ate dinner with the rest of you though. Could one of you raise it?

Kr1stina · 05/09/2016 08:00

Who invited them - you or your husband ?

If he invited his parents to stay for a month, then he's the one who needs to take the time off work and look aftre them.

You shoudl take the baby out every day to visit other family and friends and give him quality time with his parents. Of course you should come back and eat with them every evening , so they can see you and the baby . As your husband will be cooking dinner he can arrange a suitable time for you all to eat .

I promise you that if you do this, their next visit will be shorter

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 05/09/2016 08:00

There's no reason for them to be having breakfast at 7 just because you are. That's really early if you don't have children.

Are you having to cook separate meals though? As that's not on.

MumiTravels · 05/09/2016 08:01

if they are happy to ping what you are eating a bit later then they microwave it later. If not, they cater and shop for themselves and clean up after they've cooked.

Don't go out of your way to be quiet. Go to be when you want.

get out the loudest baby toys and make some noise

MrsCaptainWentworth · 05/09/2016 08:03

Sorry but breakfast at 7 & dinner at 6? Really?? Don't think we've ever had dinner at 6 even when the dcs were little. DH never home before 8 though so we usually have dinner around 8.30. Dcs would have theirs around 7. Now we all eat together when they are home.

IJustLostTheGame · 05/09/2016 08:08

I'd have my dinner at 6 when dd was tiny.
Then I could run her bath and bed her by half 7.
She would always be up all night so I'd be in bed by half 9.
Not so weird.
My dad made a fuss about early dinner so I told him he could stay up with the baby all night.
He ate it.

Summerholsdoingmyheadin · 05/09/2016 08:09

Sorry but breakfast at 7 & dinner at 6? Really?

We have breakfast between 6&7 as we need to get out of the house. We also have dinner around 6 because we like to all eat together and therefore eat before baby's bedtime and when the teenager and preteen are ravenous of we waited until 8 for dinner the teenager would probably have gnawed his fingers off in sheer desperation.

MargaretCavendish · 05/09/2016 08:10

If you were staying with them would you change to their mealtimes?

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 05/09/2016 08:11

Can't you feed baby at 6 then eat dinner together at 9 when baby is asleep? Do you have to be so rigid?

Why are they staying with you if all they're doing is sleeping? And I wouldn't be making an effort to keep baby quiet. They're in their 60s, not 80s.

RiverTam · 05/09/2016 08:11

We have breakfast at 7 and dinner at 6. Can't help it if you've never been able to have that.

MumiTravels · 05/09/2016 08:14

We all eat between 4.30 - 5.30. We eat wth DS. He then has a bath and goes to bed for 6.30. He's a demon if he hadn't had his dinner by then.

I'm not cooking twice and I like us to all eat together. If we are peckish before bed we have a cuppasoup or cereal.

If I'm in work then DH or MIL will eat with DS and I eat in work as I'm there til 8pm.

I don't find that odd at all. Personally I don't like to see a child having to sit and eat their tea on their own.

MrsCaptainWentworth · 05/09/2016 08:14

Just would never want to! But that's probably the Mediterranean in me - even at weekend never have dinner before 8. Different strokes & all that.

MumiTravels · 05/09/2016 08:16

@jungley - this would mean poor OP having to stay until 9pm cooking then clearing away pots. Then getting some time for food to go down before getting into bed for a night of feeding a baby. I think that's unreasonable.

Plus of you've have breakfast at 7am and lunch at 12pm, 9pm is a hell of a long time to go.

HermioneJeanGranger · 05/09/2016 08:17

I think expecting guests to be up and ready for breakfast at 7am is a bit rude actually. Surely they can just fix themselves coffee and toast when they wake up?

As for the other mealtimes, well I would be saying "lunch is at x and dinner is at y, do you want to join us or shall I leave yours in the microwave?" and leave it at that.

I think mealtimes are just based on your routines generally. OH has dinner when he gets home at 4.30pm! He finds it weird that I'm not hungry then but I don't finish work until 6 so my body clock is slightly different.

I don't see the big deal tbh.

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 05/09/2016 08:19

Of course it would. But occasionally DH and I do this. Feed kids some easy at 6, pack them off to bed then DH and I have a grown up meal later. It's quite nice sometimes.

Depends partly on how much they're helping. If all they're doing is sitting on their backsides or sleeping then no way. And why would the DH not be cooking?

Muskateersmummy · 05/09/2016 08:19

If someone were staying with me for a month I would expect them to make themselves at home. If they didn't fit into the families routine that's fine but they sort out their own lunches and dinners etc.

We often stay at my dads house, he gives us a key and says if your around when we have breakfast or dinner then we'll cook enough for all of us and eat together if not that's fine. Some times we eat with them. Other times we get something for ourselves and eat alone.

I wouldn't think they are being rude, their just being comfortable and doing what they would at home, but they shouldn't expect you to wait on them. For they are expecting you to cater for them, they need to be not accommodating of your routine. That said its not their fault your up in the night with the baby. Unless they were over here to help look after the baby.

lidlisposhaldi · 05/09/2016 08:20

Youdo your thing and let them do their thing, including getting their own meals. They can't expect you to be housemaid to them for a month, or to keep the baby quiet!

disappoint15 · 05/09/2016 08:34

I certainly wouldn't expect guests to get up at 6 just because I did. Breakfast is really a non-issue, isn't it? They can get their own when they get up - you just tell them where everything is. Your mealtimes are extremely early and theirs are rather late. I definitely wouldn't want lunch at 12 and dinner at 6; that seems like a child's timetable because of an early bedtime While they're staying with you, can't you compromise with dinner at 7 or 7.30? Tell them you have lunch at 1 but if they're not hungry then they can sort something out later.

Of course I normally comply with my hosts' timetable if I stay with someone, but I've never stayed anywhere for a month and would find your hours a bit odd. But theirs sound strange too.

takesnoprisoners · 05/09/2016 08:36

Why does it matter that they eat with you or at the same time as you? Just cook and leave the food and let them eat whenever they want and clean up. One less thing for you to do! And children will make noise when awake. Tough, if they want to nap in peace and quiet. NOT your problem.

Arfarfanarf · 05/09/2016 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 05/09/2016 08:43

Some people are really hide-bound by routine - their routine. DH told me that his family once spent a week with an old school-friend (he and wife were artistic types - shocking for his conventional mum) and they kept what they called 'horse hours' in that they got up/went to bed when they jolly well felt like it, ate when hungry etc - you get the picture. DH's parents were horrified - this was much too bohemian for them. The kids ran free, down to the beach before breakfast etc and had a whale of a time. MIL remains happy to be stuck in her rut as it were, unable to adapt to anything new.

expatinscotland · 05/09/2016 08:55

They are not guests. They are staying over a month and are family. So why all this 'plate theirs up' and 'you should serve dinner at 9'. You're not running a hotel. Leave them to it. Don't make efforts to keep the baby quiet, either.

ImogenTubbs · 05/09/2016 08:57

Are they Spanish, OP?

I would definitely not be cooking seperate for them, but perhaps the answer is to arrange, say, Friday night where you all agree you'll have dinner together, but the rest of the time let them get on with it!

heron98 · 05/09/2016 08:59

They do sound unreasonable and unflexible.

However, I lived with my sister for a bit as I was between houses. I was quite happy to make my own meals but she insisted I eat with them, which included having the evening meal at 5pm as soon as I'd got home from work, which is the middle of the afternoon for me and a time I am just not hungry. So I did find that quite hard.

RhiWrites · 05/09/2016 09:04

Could the sleeping late and napping be because they are being woken up by all those night time feeds?

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