To think if you're a houseguest you should try to fit in with the family's routines?

[SeaFlute]

Especially if you're staying longer than a month!

Not sure if I'm BU but it irks me that PILs sleep in until mid morning then take a 3-hour nap every afternoon. Whereas I am up at 1am, 3am, 5am with baby and up for day by 6am.

It also messes up all the family meals (7am-12pm-6pm) and they like to eat at 11am-4pm-9pm.

Trying to keep baby quiet and away from their room while they're napping is a PITA.

AIBU?

Leave them to it.

Tbh cannot get my head round eating at 6pm. So early! I'd be ravenous by bed time. What do you do in the evening?

" this would mean poor OP having to stay until 9pm cooking then clearing away pots."
Why on earth would it mean this?

Meh.

Follow your own routine (including not toning down any household noise) and leave them to theirs. If they don't want to join you for meals they can sort themselves out.

Personally I'd be thankful they were doing the honourable thing and staying out of my hair for the duration.

I'd do help yourself breakfast & lunch. (& clear away of course)

Dinner I'd suggest being a bit flexible around some days so you eat together sometimes. Maybe 7-730? feed kids earlier & have an adult meal with them later sometimes? Definitely all eat together on Sunday pm.

I'd carry on as normal & leave them to sort their own meals out & clear up afterwards.

I eat my evening meal at 6pm.

Is it that unusual?

They want to eat breakfast at 11 am and lunch at 4 pm?!

That's our preference too. Suits my family of night owls.

PIL came to stay over the bank holiday. They like to be in bed at 9pm and get up at 5am. Clearly they were unreasonable in continuing that routine whilst here and should have been burning the midnight oil with DH and I. Good to know for next time.

Well your times are a bit early for me, but theirs are v late.

I would just go about your normal routine and plate up their food so they can eat a bit later. You shouldn't have to keep the kids noise down during the day.

Oh goodness, how excruciating. How long are they staying??? I'd be just pootling about doing my own thing and leaving them to fend for themselves - or get husband to have a word, but we both know that won't happen!!!

It wouldn't kill them to skip breakfast and wait an extra hour to have lunch with you as their first meal of the day. Then have your dinner time as their second meal of the day. Then they can make themselves a supper later in the evening for their third meal.

Don't worry too much about keeping everyone quiet for their nap, if a bit of household noise keeps them awake then they probably don't really need a nap.

We have a bit of a mismatch in our family too. On the weekend, DP and I are fans of 8.30am wake ups, 10am breakfasts, 2pm lunches and 8pm dinners, and in bed by 11pm.

My mum and dad are more like 10am/11.30am/4pm/9pm, bed by 1am.

MIL is more like 6am/7am/12pm/6pm and in bed by 9!

We always joke that we've evened up our familial extremes by getting together . I vote with everyone else that you keep to your normal routine. MIL does when we stay with her, although she'll sometimes try and stay up a bit later to hang out with us, and we usually comprimise on meals i.e. her 6pm dinner and our 8pm dinner becomes a 7pm.

My dd came back and stayed at home for 6 months as we had a seriously ill family member and she was helping out.

She starts at 5am in bed by 9pm and I start around 10am in bed by 2 or 3am. We were a bit shitty with each other for the first couple of weeks then sat down and sorted it out. We both made some adjustments so we wouldn't wake each other and also spent time on the weekends during our hours where we overlapped, doing big cookups together (it ended up being a bonding and talk time) then freezing a few meals for during the week so we could nuke them rather than wake each other up with pots and pans cooking / have meals available when we wanted them.

If the baby cries, the baby cries and if I have babies staying and they are someone else's responsibility, I have learned just to roll over and go back to sleep once I hear someone else is taking responsibility (and I go YAY - those days are over!!!)

Just one thing with the nap thing tho. If your baby is waking up so regularly in the night as you said in OP, it could be that they are not sleeping very well through the night and need a nap in the arvy (or they are doing a matinee performance :) While it seems to be annoying you they get to sleep in until 11am and have afternoon naps, don't forget they've already done the hard yards you are currently doing with their own babies. They've earned their sleep in

Either way,

Ooops hit wrong button

Either way, hope you get to sort it out soon

It wouldn't kill them to skip breakfast and wait an extra hour to have lunch with you as their first meal of the day. Then have your dinner time as their second meal of the day. Then they can make themselves a supper later in the evening for their third meal.

That would be a good comprimise. They could have a cup of coffee then move onto lunch with you as their breakfast.

If my Brothers in law werent both single, I'd assume we were related by marriage!!!
We have lunch as they have breakfast - usually around 11.30, and then dinner (their lunch) around 5.30. I then go to bed at normal time, and leave them to it. Evidence points to them having ham or cheese or jam sandwiches at some point after I've gone to bed. I don't keep the kids quiet in the day - tho I don't go out of my way to do noisy things. Do no discount suggestions early doors, but yes to paint sort of things.
When we are staying with them, I get up with the kids, we have a quick breakfast, get dressed and go out for a few hours (park, swimming etc). Then we go back for (second) breakfast and lunch with them at their times.
Bit of give and take, but there is no way I could keep the kids asleep til 11, so fitting with their routine isn't possible. I don't see why they should compleatly change their body rhythm to fit our schedule. It needs give and take on both sides.

They're here to spend time with DD (first grandchild). But actually they don't see much of her as they're asleep most of the afternoon and half the morning!

No I don't expect them to have breakfast at 7, but feel they should have it around 8 (or just eat very lightly if later) so they're ready to have lunch as a family by 1pm! We take them out at weekends but can never have a nice lunch out before 4pm. I end up eating biscuits all day. Eating together is important to them, part of their culture, rude not to.

I work part time, on those days DD goes to CM and mil usually cooks, but doesn't serve it until late eve. I can't eat that close to bedtime, I'm usually in bed by 10pm. If I cook and serve it earlier they take a tiny portion 'because we just had lunch' or sit at the table watching me eat!

Not Spanish but very similar culture.

Maybe I'm just envious because they get to stay up late, lie in every day and then nap all afternoon, whereas I'm so sleep deprived I'm on my knees. I feel it's rubbing it in my face. If I stayed with a relative in this situation I'd be offering to watch baby so she could get some rest, not stay up late and lie-in!

Her playroom is next to their bedroom so I have to take her downstairs to lounge when they're asleep. Lounge isn't baby-proof so have to watch her constantly, not much floor space and feel obliged to keep her quiet. I feel like I'm tiptoeing around my own house half the day.

As everyone else has said. Don't tiptoe round them. Let your daughter play in her playroom and what's the worse that happens they wake up, get up and have breakfast or don't nap so go to bed earlier and then they fall into your routine.

If they are there for a month I'd have said if I am eating breakfast/lunch at the same time as you then we'll have it together. Otherwise I'll leave a note as to what to help yourself to for lunch. As regards evening meal tell them it will be at x (maybe a slight compromise to 7pm) but if you're not ready then you have the choice of warming up what I make or making something later but can you please clear up after yourselves as I don't really want to do it twice.

I have parents abroad so I appreciate visits can be longer but I've never had to put up with this shit.

I really think that your DH needs to speak to them. Yes, eating together may well be important in their culture, but they are here, in your house, and the prevailing culture here is the times that you suggest.

You need to do it your way, and your DH needs to back you up on this. Don't be a doormat! MN has your back!!

Yeah.. switching your routine around for a couple of days for guests is one thing..

Totally chucking out your routine, for a visitors routine, for WEEKS on end, thats entirely another.

Spell it out - this is the routine, you don;t mind if they deviate from it as far as getting up, breakfast etc is concerned but they CANNOT bugger up your routine in the process.

They have presumably come to see the new baby AND HELP YOU.. thats what the traditional long vistation is for - moving in with you for a month or two and getting in the bloody way ... not helpful!

I'm confused, is there just one grandchild who is an older baby? If so, she does seem to be a poor sleeper. Are the in laws from a very different time zone? Maybe try to meet in the middle a bit so at the weekend say could you just have a slice of toast for breakfast so we can have a nice lunch together at 2? Or whatever.

If they are with you for a month they definitely should try to fit in a bit but no way is breakfast at 7am normal for many people. I don't want to eat before about 11. So,my our times are early and theirs are late. Therefore a chat and some compromise sounds the order of the day.

Thanks for all the advice

Yes just one grandchild (DD 10months) who still wakes a lot in night.

They're here for 2months...

" Eating together is important to them, part of their culture, rude not to."
Then they are the ones being rude here. I'd eat at your usual mealtimes and see just how important eating together really is to them!

Fucking hell, you really need to stop tiptoeing around them. Dd is only 10 months and there are going to be future visits- you must nip this in the bud now

Are they from a Mediterranean country? If not they should consider emigrating. They'd fit in brilliantly with a Spanish timetable.

Show them the local shops, the kitchen and how to use the oven. Let them get on with it and you live how you need to