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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To pull over?

214 replies

pestov · 04/09/2016 21:02

Just home from a pretty crap journey home from Granny's. I was driving with DH sitting in the back to keep DD 6 months company. We were delayed by over 90 mins by an accident on the motorway, stop start traffic. Baby not a happy camper and despite his best efforts with finger food, entertainment and the like, DH was happy to let her scream until we got to services after the accident for a breastfeed. Was I unreasonable to pull over into the hard shoulder to feed her there? He didn't think it was enough of an emergency. As an aside, her bum was filthy, but he couldn't smell it sitting next to her - I noticed as soon as I picked her up Hmm

OP posts:
purplebunny2012 · 07/09/2016 00:28

The only time I've used a hard shoulder was to throw up. I thought it was safest to do immediately I could feel I was going to be sick. I had no idea I had caught a bug when I'd left the house and I was on my way home. After I'd done my business I carried on my journey and made it without further incident. I threw DS at DH and collapsed in a heap on the bed.
YWBU as you definitely could have safely driven until you got to the services.

FrancisCrawford · 07/09/2016 00:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety · 07/09/2016 00:43

Yes indeed Francis, and we have speed cameras in the US too. You get your ticket in the post. For a long time I used to get tickets for exH at my address, for reasons I can't even guess. They were addressed to Mr and Mrs A. N. Xiety, so I opened them. There were parking tickets too, associated with rented cars from cities in other states where he had gone for conferences and clearly the odd trip to local entertainment venues. I'll admit to a little schadenfreude.

FrancisCrawford · 07/09/2016 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety · 07/09/2016 01:02

If you had read the article you would know the poor girl was killed sitting in the back seat. Because she wasn't the driver. Her auntie was driving
Indeed again, Francis, that is why I said they didn't even need to pull over. The driver could have kept on driving. They would have been safe.

Fwiw, I am familiar with Irish driving regs because I am Irish and have driven a lot in Ireland.

mathanxiety · 07/09/2016 01:04

Francis, have you ever heard of x-posting?

Starting a post and then being interrupted and then coming back to it without refreshing a screen?

If you persist in accusing me of poor taste, etc, I am going to have to consider whether you may harbour some sort of hostility towards me.

GloveBug · 07/09/2016 01:06

YWBU to stop on the hard shoulder. It's very dangerous. Next time just pull off at the next junction and find a safe street to park on if the services are too far away

FrancisCrawford · 07/09/2016 01:15

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kali110 · 07/09/2016 02:16

math do you purposely go onto threads and disagree with everybody and just make ridiculous goady comments?
Your ideas about driving over the speed limits are laughable.
There is no room 'for individual judgement' with the highway code.
I don't know how they do things in the us, but it's not how we do it in the uk.
As for Your comment regarding the accident, do you actually read your comments before you post?

YouCanDoThis · 07/09/2016 02:25

This very sad story is an example of why you are being very unreasonable and dangerous OP.
m.independent.ie/irish-news/firsttime-mother-killed-in-motorway-crash-after-stopping-to-take-hospital-call-about-newborn-35025714.html

mathanxiety · 07/09/2016 02:55

What I said was 'she might have been safer taking the call while driving, even though even though no doubt everyone in the car was anxious to know what the news was from the hospital. There was actually no reason at all to pull over.'

Funny thing happens when you chop off sections of sentences. You can suggest a whole new meaning. You can have a go at a poster. Your friends can then pile in...

And LOL at ringing an Irish hospital back. You get one bite at that cherry.

FrancisCrawford · 07/09/2016 03:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety · 07/09/2016 03:58

There absolutely is room for individual judgement wrt the rules of the road, and it is likely that many lives have been saved when drivers took the law into their own hands.

DS crossed about five lanes from fastest to slowest in order to pull over after suffering a blowout. In heavy traffic he put on his hazards and made his way across as quickly as he could while still in control of the car. Doing this just in order not to miss an exit or just in order to drive recklessly would have been unjustifiable. Doing what he did meant that the emergency services could get to him on the shoulder and help with changing the tyre (and yes he and his passengers left the car and phoned from the grass away from the highway).

I have swerved onto the shoulder either fully or partially many times to avoid large masses of debris in my lane. I used the shoulder in preference to the adjacent lane because there was never any vehicle in it.

You sometimes encounter blown out tyres or pieces of freight or large unidentified and potentially metal objects while driving, both in Ireland and the US.

Ditto deer and other large roadkill, and the same goes for deer who were 100% alive clattering across the road. I have experienced this only in the US.

I also swerved onto the hard shoulder to avoid a flying, flapping mattress heading south on the M6 just before it curves around Stafford.

If there was no room for individual judgement, you would be faced with a situation where you would drive straight through a pothole of unknown depth or over something in the road just to be able to abide by the rule about driving on the shoulder or not making lane changes without indicating. You would risk a blowout or some other problem that might adversely affect other users of the road.

I've been driving since the mid 80s in all conditions from blizzard to perfectly clear, and in several different countries. No matter where you drive, common sense comes into play, and common sense and the rules of the road sometimes don't coincide.

mathanxiety · 07/09/2016 04:00

FrancisCrawford Wed 07-Sep-16 03:51:37
I didn't type out your full post because I couldn't be arsed.

Pfft.

FrancisCrawford · 07/09/2016 04:09

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety · 07/09/2016 04:09

A little food for thought.

FrancisCrawford · 07/09/2016 04:14

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Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 07/09/2016 04:18

I'm gobsmacked that anyone could even begin to justify this level of stupidity! Nothing is so important that you justify putting the lives of yourself, your passengers and others at risk, it just isn't!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 07/09/2016 04:20

www.theaa.com/breakdown-cover/news/hard-shoulder-safety-reasons-for-stopping.html

This link says stopping for any reason other than an emergency is an offence that can carry a £100 fine a 3 penalty points

mathanxiety · 07/09/2016 04:35

Pfft again, Francis.

And wrt the link - your loss.

FrancisCrawford · 07/09/2016 04:38

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seven201 · 07/09/2016 04:57

Of course you wbu but you know that now.

Everyone seems to have ignored the poster who said they called 101 and were escorted off the mortorway. That seems like a very sensible thing to do if you genuinely think your baby can't stay in the queue indefinitely as they are screaming their head off with no signs of stopping and looking like they'll do themselves some damage. Obviously 101 can then tell you if they're too busy and you just have to cope.

To the lady who said that essentially babies sleep in the car and having someone in the back seat near to them who can't pick them up is mean. Wtf? My baby hates the car! If she wakes up (if put in car asleep) she starts screaming even though she can't see that someone is 2 seats away from her. Whoever is in the back tries anything they can - my dd won't take a dummy but the game of one us trying to get it in can distract her a tiny tiny bit sometimes.

My baby feeds little and often and doesn't nap at certain times. It's bloody hard getting anywhere. I would never pull over on the hard shoulder though; that's incredibly dangerous. If you can't listen to a screaming baby avoid all motorways and add hours to your journey or just don't get in a car.

I was on the m4 the other week with an 8 week old and had just gone past a services when my dd started screaming her head off. It was 25 mins until I could pull over. It was hell. My dd had a sore throat for a couple of days and was then (understandably) a nightmare but that's the risk you take driving anywhere.

mathanxiety · 07/09/2016 05:01

As I said, your loss.

But the nasty implication that I am linking dodgy material is noted.

mathanxiety · 07/09/2016 05:07

Everyone seems to have ignored the poster who said they called 101 and were escorted off the mortorway. That seems like a very sensible thing to do if you genuinely think your baby can't stay in the queue indefinitely as they are screaming their head off with no signs of stopping and looking like they'll do themselves some damage. Obviously 101 can then tell you if they're too busy and you just have to cope.

Nobody picked that up because obviously the woman who called was using her phone in her car.

It is apparently verboten to take an initiative that contravenes the rules of the road, because rules are rules are rules.

To agree with that course of action would mean to admit that common sense and personal assessment of risks can actually play a part in driving.

FrancisCrawford · 07/09/2016 05:16

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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