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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull over?

214 replies

pestov · 04/09/2016 21:02

Just home from a pretty crap journey home from Granny's. I was driving with DH sitting in the back to keep DD 6 months company. We were delayed by over 90 mins by an accident on the motorway, stop start traffic. Baby not a happy camper and despite his best efforts with finger food, entertainment and the like, DH was happy to let her scream until we got to services after the accident for a breastfeed. Was I unreasonable to pull over into the hard shoulder to feed her there? He didn't think it was enough of an emergency. As an aside, her bum was filthy, but he couldn't smell it sitting next to her - I noticed as soon as I picked her up Hmm

OP posts:
Pinkheart5915 · 04/09/2016 21:57

Yabu, it is a dangerous thing to do. Children cry in cars but you don't feed/change on the hard shoulder, why would anybody think that's a good idea Confused

Luckily no harm done for you this time but next time wait until services

Original poster
pestov · 04/09/2016 21:57

Point taken.

I genuinely didn't know about the over the barrier thing. Both other times I've been on the hard shoulder, the police / tow truck / RAC didn't mention it.

OP posts:
Longlost10 · 04/09/2016 21:58

just echoing the concensus, no, you can not use the hard shoulder for this, you were being very unreasonable, as everyone else has said, if you are not capable of driving with a baby screaming in your ear, then you just don't drive. Take the train, next time, maybe, if you can't cope.

Eatthecake · 04/09/2016 22:00

Yabu and I hope after this thread you will see that. I am afraid children cry in cars but they can wait until services, hard shoulders can be very dangerous places

Count your blessings no harm came to your family this time and next time please please think twice

Italiangreyhound · 04/09/2016 22:03

YABU dangerous thing to do.

LightDrizzle · 04/09/2016 22:05

More than 1,500 people are killed or seriously injured on the hard shoulder in the UK annually.

Have you never wondered why families choose to climb up the side of the motorway embankment and stand shivering while awaiting the recovery vehicle rather than stay in the nice warm car with the radio on?

I would have refused to stop and risked your wrath.

Jizzomelette · 04/09/2016 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GabsAlot · 04/09/2016 22:17

so if some other service was needed u would have blocked them

how irrespionsible-they showed someone doing this on motorway cops-its just ignorant

redexpat · 04/09/2016 22:23

I think the OP has got the message now, and won't make the same mistake again.

MauledbytheTigers · 04/09/2016 22:27

You need to read your Highway code again....that's insane.

Amandahugandkisses · 04/09/2016 22:30

No defence I'm afraid.
Scarily unreasonable. You need to apologise to your DH.

Writerwannabe83 · 04/09/2016 22:39

I admit I have done it before. I was in the car with my 8 week old baby who was breast fed and the motorway was in complete gridlock due to a crash 3 junctions ahead which had ended up with lane closures. My baby had already gone a long time without a feed due to being on a lengthy journey, he was screaming for food, the motorway was not moving so I generally felt I had no choice. As it was I was stuck on the motorway for over another 1.5 hours after I had finished feeding him. The traffic wasn't moving so I wasn't at risk of being hit by another car and I knew there wouldn't be any emergency vehicles coming up the hard shoulder as the accident had already been dealt with so I made the judgement call to pull over and feed my baby. I fed him for about 15 minutes and then just rejoined the motorway.

I'm happy with the choice I made as if I hadn't have done it my baby would have gone almost 5 hours without a feed which is too long for an 8 week old BF baby in my opinion - plus leaving a young baby in a car seat for that long is considered very dangerous. Aren't they meant to only be in a car seat for a maximum of 2 hours and then be taken out of it for a while due to risk of asphyxiation?

Sara107 · 04/09/2016 22:39

Guess you won't be stopping on the hard shoulder again, op! As everybody says, super dangerous - being hit by a moving vehicle who hasn't realised you are stationary is the risk.

PurpleDaisies · 04/09/2016 22:43

The traffic wasn't moving so I wasn't at risk of being hit by another car and I knew there wouldn't be any emergency vehicles coming up the hard shoulder as the accident had already been dealt with so I made the judgement call to pull over and feed my baby.

Another psychic poster able to tell whether more emergency vehicles will be needed or not. Hmm

Meadows76 · 04/09/2016 22:50

Holy crap :0 the hard shoulder is the most dangerous part of a motorway

Katinkka · 04/09/2016 23:23

Fucking hell. When you think you've read it all...Jesus.

Doggity · 04/09/2016 23:29

Writer Surely you realise that more than one accident can happen? What you did was insanely dangerous and you don't seem to acknowledge that. At least, the OP did.

Omgkitties · 04/09/2016 23:32

Doggity So is leaving her baby in the car seat for 5 hours. She made what she felt was the best decision at the time.

Doggity · 04/09/2016 23:51

She put other lives at risk too by moving onto the hard shoulder. I totally get that we all do things in the moment but to look back and justify that she knew there were no more emergency vehicles makes me Hmm. Silly.

Scrumptiousbears · 05/09/2016 00:03

If the police had come across you, you'd have got a bollocking off them as well. This is a big no no, a dirty bum and hungry baby is no excuse. You could have all been killed. Shock

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 05/09/2016 02:39

Writerwannabe83 - seriously? You think your 8 week old might have starved to death or something?

OMGkitties - no, leaving a baby in a car seat for 5 hours isn't 'insanely dangerous' Hmm

greenlolly · 05/09/2016 02:47

You don't have to wait for the next services, get off at the next junction and find a safe place to stop. Never, ever use the hard shoulder, as everyone else has said, that's not what it is for, however slowly the traffic is moving!

WellErrr · 05/09/2016 03:09

I THINK SHE GETS IT NOW.

Jizzjazz · 05/09/2016 04:08

Ive thought about this myself and ended up getting off a busy motorway and adding an hour onto my journey without a crying baby as I knew I couldn't really stop in the hard shoulder. I would cause an accident if I was driving a car with my screaming baby in, think ringing ears (the kind where you can't actually hear), hot sweat, tunnel vision, can't answer a yes or no question- my hormones go absolutely wild.

I'll probably get flamed for this, but my alternative would have been to stop on the hard shoulder, swap drivers then rejoin the traffic. Even if dh wasn't legal then get off ASAP. You at least can lean yourself over the car seat and boob dc and if at an absolute stand still get dc out for quick change and then shove her back in while waiting in the queue. I don't see that as any worse than how everyone else messes around getting crap off the back seat as soon as the traffic stops.

Summerholsdoingmyheadin · 05/09/2016 04:46

at least can lean yourself over the car seat and boob dc

That is really bad advice as it is a highly dangerous thing to do. In an accident you could crush your child to death if you are leaning over his seat feeding him.

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