To pull over?

[pestov]

Just home from a pretty crap journey home from Granny's. I was driving with DH sitting in the back to keep DD 6 months company. We were delayed by over 90 mins by an accident on the motorway, stop start traffic. Baby not a happy camper and despite his best efforts with finger food, entertainment and the like, DH was happy to let her scream until we got to services after the accident for a breastfeed. Was I unreasonable to pull over into the hard shoulder to feed her there? He didn't think it was enough of an emergency. As an aside, her bum was filthy, but he couldn't smell it sitting next to her - I noticed as soon as I picked her up

Sorry writer- I confused you for the OP. I don't know what is best to do if you are on your own in that situation other than try )if possible to
Leave at the nearest junction.

The traffic wasn't moving so I wasn't at risk of being hit by another car and I knew there wouldn't be any emergency vehicles coming up the hard shoulder as the accident had already been dealt with

I don't see how you could know unless you were at the accident site: you wouldn't know how many casualties there were or whether all the emergency vehicles had left. And you certainly wouldn't know whether there had been any other accidents, or someone taken ill in the queue ahead of you.

You also can't really rely on radio reports for accurate information. I remember getting stuck on a motorway slip road due to an accident not far in front of me. I sat there for over an hour before it was even mentioned on the radio, and even then it was saying that the traffic was slow rather than stationary. They only started saying it had totally ground to a halt at the point when the accident had been cleared and traffic was in fact starting to move again.

I don't see how you could know unless you were at the accident site: you wouldn't know how many casualties there were or whether all the emergency vehicles had left. And you certainly wouldn't know whether there had been any other accidents, or someone taken ill in the queue ahead of you.

That's very true - but like I said, I made a decision at the time and pulled over. It wasn't the best decision I ever made, I never did it again, but in that moment it was the choice I made.

My first husband fell into a diabetic coma in grid locked traffic. I had to get to the hard shoulder to wait for the ambulance and police, while giving him emergency treatment.

I've never been so scared in my life, people making choices like yours are the reason I waited to long.

No excuses, unnecessarily stopping on the hard shoulder should have people's license removed immediately. Maybe get yourself some more driving lessons for the motorway.

There's nothing worse than being trapped in a car with a screaming baby is there?
I think being trapped in a car with a baby who's stopped screaming because it's been crushed to death would be worse.

In the case of a baby old enough for finger foods, crying in very stop-slow traffic, DH should have got the baby out of the carseat and maybe the change of scenery and a change of entertainment would have been a distraction for her. He could have done more to prevent the upsetting screaming that caused you to make a poor decision.

More importantly and in general, I think it can be dangerous to drive with a din going on in the backseat that is upsetting and distracting to the driver. It doesn't matter how happy DH is with the noise. He is not the driver. If you are driving, then nobody second guesses your instructions to them or ignores your distress. Your preferences and factors that are affecting your driving are the only ones that matter. You and DH should sit down and discuss what happened, and you need to impress upon him that in future the driver pulls rank and everyone else says, 'Yes, sir" and does their utmost to deal with anything that might distract you.

I live and drive in the US and trips tend to be long, and I have five DCs to schlep around. The car is not a democracy. When we are out on the road, my word from the behind the steering wheel is the law. This makes for quiet passengers, a driver who is not distracted by noises, ball games, squabbling, bickering, out and out fights, or attention-seeking from the back seats, and safe trips.

Wrt the hard shoulder:
You can never tell if an additional emergency vehicle will roar up on the shoulder even if you think they have surely wound up their activities at a crash site.

And yyy to drowsy drivers drifting towards objects that are stationary, or just towards the side and sod's law, there you are.

In the case of breastfeeding babies, just take the baby out of the carseat and take care of it, then pop it back. Have done this myself on long trips when not driving, or on trips that turned out long (you do need to feed very young babies). No matter how young a baby, always bring an emergency bottle of water for it.

If you are driving, then nobody second guesses your instructions to them or ignores your distress. Your preferences and factors that are affecting your driving are the only ones that matter. You and DH should sit down and discuss what happened, and you need to impress upon him that in future the driver pulls rank and everyone else says, 'Yes, sir" and does their utmost to deal with anything that might distract you.

Even when, as in this case, the driver announces they want to do something both illegal and dangerous?

If you are driving, then nobody second guesses your instructions to them or ignores your distress.

Absolute bollocks. If someone is driving unsafely in the car I'm in they're damn well going to know about it. An ex nearly killed us both driving like a complete arsehole.

I've told this one before, but as a JP I once heard a case of a woman who drove into the vehicle in front - driving while breastfeeding. I tell people that I had a case which could only be a woman driver and with a bit of luck they are offended, and then out comes the punch-line!

Mathanxiety I don't know what the law is in your state but in the UK taking the baby out of their car seat while driving is illegal.

It also incredibly dangerous. Even a small shunt in your car could be enough to have you let go of the baby and have it hurtling through the air to hit the windscreen.

Your advice is very poor.

The driver's word doesn't overrule the passengers' when the driver is about to do something illegal which will endanger the lives of everyone in the car.

Anyone who takes their child out of the car seat in a moving car regardless of start stop traffic is a fucking idiot.

It's illegal here too.

But in slow-stop traffic, it's possibly safer than having a screaming baby distract the driver.

Margaret, Purple and Francis (of course) - you have taken my words out of context there. The OP should tell her DH that if she is driving and something is distracting her, then he needs to attend to whatever it is in the car that is distracting her. It could be a baby or a wasp or something rattling around on the floor. He doesn't get to decide what is or is not an acceptable level of distraction for the driver any more than a ten year old would.

Please nobody take your baby out of their car seat in a moving car. Despite what people are saying about it being ok if the baby is distracting you. It's not okay, ever.

I know it's illegal for a reason. Yet I decided on many occasions to do it because the driver on many occasions was exH who used to get The Rage when babies or toddlers cried.

Eating and drinking in the car while driving are dangerous too. So is refereeing your children while they fight in the back seat, paying too much attention to your car radio and many other very obvious problems.

Using your phone comes under the heading of 'distracted driver' laws. It is its effect of the distraction on driving that makes it dangerous.

On top of specific laws about phone use or electronic device use, general laws encompassing failure to maintain control of a motor vehicle or driving while distracted may also be used to pull a distracted driver off the road. These laws apply to someone swerving while attempting to pass a bottle of water to the back seat as well as to someone calling their mother from he driver's seat.

www.iihs.org/iihs/topics/laws/cellphonelaws/maphandheldcellbans
You'll notice that most of the areas where phone use is not prohibited are mainly rural states where traffic is not normally very heavy. It isn't going to be a problem in Wyoming if you take a call while driving. You'll also note from the text here that municipalities often impose a ban on phone use while driving. So while Missouri and Minnesota are technically not phone ban states, cities within those states, and even towns and hamlets could potentially be phone ban zones.

The laws are practical and recognise their purpose.

math is it really necessary to be a GF on every bloody thread? It's exhausting.

You deciding to do something illegal makes you an idiot, it doesn't make it right when other people do it. HTH.

My cousin broke down on hard shoulder on way home from along towers with friends. The one friend convinced them all to get out and wait up the verge,the rest wanted to stay in the car as it was cold. Less than ten mins after they got out of car it was completely totalled by driver high on drugs speeding up hard shoulder to avoid traffic. If they'd been in the car they would've been crushed, my cousin's life was saved by her mate insisting they wait up the verge!

I never understand people sitting in the back with babies. It must be so frustrating for the baby being strapped away from comfort.
Baby in back, drive, baby sleeps.
runs away as the frothers are unleashed

This happened to me, alone in the car with a 3 month old. I rang 101 after a hour of screaming, and they gave me an escort off the motorway.

They do take this seriously. Might have been because I was alone though.

I understand you did not think correctly op but as everyone else said is dangerous.

zigzag wow