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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull over?

214 replies

pestov · 04/09/2016 21:02

Just home from a pretty crap journey home from Granny's. I was driving with DH sitting in the back to keep DD 6 months company. We were delayed by over 90 mins by an accident on the motorway, stop start traffic. Baby not a happy camper and despite his best efforts with finger food, entertainment and the like, DH was happy to let her scream until we got to services after the accident for a breastfeed. Was I unreasonable to pull over into the hard shoulder to feed her there? He didn't think it was enough of an emergency. As an aside, her bum was filthy, but he couldn't smell it sitting next to her - I noticed as soon as I picked her up Hmm

OP posts:
Skittlesss · 04/09/2016 21:26

Hazards or not you still put your family and other people at risk!

This was not an emergency. Yes your baby was uncomfortable but still you shouldn't have done it.

I'm concerned that you don't seem to realise this...

Doggity · 04/09/2016 21:27

It's not just about the emergency services. The hard shoulder is the most dangerous place to be on the motorway. For future reference, if you ever break down, you must get out of the car and get on the other side of the barrier.

Glastonbury · 04/09/2016 21:29

What a ridiculous thing to do. The hard shoulder is for emergencies and needs to be kept clear. You were lucky you weren't hit by something.

Redglitter · 04/09/2016 21:32

There could have been another accident- very common after an accident with all the rubber neckers slowing down. You have no idea when the garden shoulder would be needed again

But at least you put your hazards on Hmmcos that makes a huge difference Confused

CocktailQueen · 04/09/2016 21:32

I think that if traffic was at walking pace the whole time, that is much safer than if traffic had been normal.

Must have been awful to be stuck in car with screaming baby who needed to be changed and fed.

Just maybe don't do it again, op?

PurpleDaisies · 04/09/2016 21:32

In my defence, the emergency vehicles had passed over an hour before, 2 recovery vehicles had too by the time I pulled over.

You had no idea whether a fire engine would be needed to remove the roof of a car to get passengers out, whether further ambulances would be needed or whatever. Flawed logic there.

BifsWif · 04/09/2016 21:33

You were absolutely in the wrong here. Absolutely.

Not only were you blocking the way should any other emergency services that may have been needed, either for that accident or to attend to someone else in need, the hard shoulder is the most dangerous part of the motorway to be. Traffic may have been standstill but you had no idea if/when it would start moving again.

What you did was stupid, and quite possibly illegal. You put yourself and your family at risk.

AnnaMarlowe · 04/09/2016 21:34

Pestov there really is no defence I'm afraid.

It's not about the emergency services which were required for the accident. It's about the emergency services that might be required for the heart aytack further up the queue or the car that caught fire I mile further on.

Or the Lorry that suddenly loses a tire etc etc etc.

You have no idea what's coming.

If you do, legitimately have to stop in the hard shoulder (due to breakdown) you remove your whole family from the car (yes even if it's raining) climb over the crash barrier and hike up the verge a bit until you are safely out of the way.

That's why you should always have coats and an old blanket in the boot.

Hard shoulders are really, really dangerous places to be.

A crying baby isn't in any danger. A baby in a car parked on the hard should definitely is in danger.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/09/2016 21:35

Yabu as everyone else has said, dangerous and stupid.

How did you manage to override your dh on this one?
'Im just going to pull over'
'You can't, it's dangerous, and would put us all at risk'
Then what?

Birdsgottafly · 04/09/2016 21:36

Can't your DH drive?

It was dangerous, but my DD would have found driving with her BF DD crying for a feed, too stressful, to drive safely, tbh.

Sparklesilverglitter · 04/09/2016 21:36

I'm sorry but I think you was being unreasonable

Much better to wait for services, the hard shoulder is for emergencies and such like not feeding/changing babies. Hard shoulders can also be very dangerous places to be

No harm done this time but maybe think twice next time

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 04/09/2016 21:36

YABU.

And maybe the BMW was on the hard shoulder because all electrics had failed hence the no hazards?

I'm surprised you even thought about it tbh. Being on the hard shoulder is so scary. The gear box failed in my car with two three month olds, a seven year old and snow everywhere a few years ago. It was really not nice having to get out of the car and stand up the top of he embankment. Luckily I had some emergency bottles prepared because I couldn't feed by the side of the road and ended up drenched in milk as my boobs overflowed.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 04/09/2016 21:37

Unbelievable. Clearly, you were of the belief that your little "emergency" was more important than whatever the emergency services might have to deal with.

PurpleDaisies · 04/09/2016 21:37

Your daughter should not be driving on motorways or any other roads where she can't safely stop then birds.

BodsAuntieFlo · 04/09/2016 21:38

I seriously can't believe the stupidity of people sometimes Hmm. AIBU? Posters tell the OP they were then get a response of "at least I put my hazards on". Yes, as if your hazards are going to stop another vehicle hitting you. Unbelievable!

user5318008 · 04/09/2016 21:38

I think that if traffic was at walking pace the whole time, that is much safer than if traffic had been normal.

With traffic at walking pace, there's a higher change of some muppet trying to take a short cut down the hard shoulder and going straight into the back of you though.

Spiderpigspiderpig · 04/09/2016 21:38

What a stupid thing to do. Ywvu.
You couldnhave atleast pulled off st the next juncion if there wasn't a services for a while.

Waterlemon · 04/09/2016 21:38

Someone told me once that more deaths occur in accidents on the hard shoulder than on the carriageway- I don't know how true that is, but as others have said, they are pretty dangerous places to have to stop in!

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 04/09/2016 21:39

...might have had to deal with.

AnnaMarlowe · 04/09/2016 21:40

Birds I agree with Purple if your DD can't drive with a crying baby in the car she shouldn't be driving.

My twins hated the car, so I regularly had to drive with two screaming babies when they were little.

Loyly · 04/09/2016 21:41

It's illegal OP - this from the AA tells you it's a fine of up to £100 and 3 points:

"The Highway Code (rule 270) states that you must not stop on the carriageway, hard shoulder, slip road, central reservation or verge except in an emergency, or when told to do by the police, Highways Agency traffic officers in uniform, an emergency sign or by flashing red light signals.

Inappropriate use of the hard shoulder is an offence under motorway traffic regulations and incurs up to a £100 fine and three penalty points."

buttercup54321 · 04/09/2016 21:42

You were being unreasonable and dangerous!!!!!!

BastardGoDarkly · 04/09/2016 21:43

There's nothing worse than being trapped in a car with a screaming baby is there?

But no, you can't use the hard shoulder, just turn the music up and ride it out Grin

Mrsmorton · 04/09/2016 21:44

Pretty unanimous response for you OP. I'm stunned that you thought it would be ok, so terrifying what can happen on a hard shoulder in an instant. Also, you have no idea what other vehicles might need to use the shoulder! YABtotallyU, hopefully it won't happen again.

Reminds me of the poster who got stuck in an escape lane on a hill because her DC was crying and she couldn't cope Hmm serious thinking needs to be done if you can't safely drive with a crying child...

MinonsMovie · 04/09/2016 21:49

So initially I was thinking YABU but you know, you're a fairly new mum, made a mistake, let her be... I'm sure she knows by now that this was incredibly dangerous.

But then:
"in my defence"

No. No defence. You need to know and acknowledge you made a bad decision, accept responsibility and apologise to your husband.

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