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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

giving lifts

198 replies

Kayakinggirl86 · 03/09/2016 10:18

Ok trying to work out if I am being unreasonable to say no or come to a compromise with this.

I live about 30miles from my work, and work in quite a rural location (think industrial estate 12miles from nearest town). This week a new person (let’s call her Jane) started at work that does not drive, and has no way of getting there. Jane lives reasonably close to me (and could get public transport to mine, but would leave it cutting it fine to get to work on time). One of Jane’s first questions to management was who can give her a lift to and from work. So yesterday management approached me saying they had given her my details and for us to sort out lifts together. I muttered to them that I am not too sure it would work with child care ect and needed to talk to DP. Their response was you gave XX a lift a few years back when she was in the same situation. (This was before I moved in with DP and DSD, and it annoyed me a lot of the time). Their response was but Jane has no other way of getting to work other than a very expensive taxi, and she is learning to drive so would not be fore ever.

Is it wrong of me to say her getting to work is not my issue?
That she should not have applied for a job that she had no way of getting to!

Also me and DP have finally worked out a good morning routine (or I find it good as it allows me to beat rush hour traffic, and go to the gym- which means I don’t go in the evenings meaning he can work later/ don’t need to rely on child care) and I don’t really want to mess with it. I am happy to give her a lift home but not a lift to work.

Just when I said this too few friends they said I was being unreasonable and mean; as she is just young (she is 24), she is new, and it is a temporary thing so I should just put up with the change till she passes her test and be nice to her.

OP posts:

GabsAlot · 05/09/2016 11:06

what happened this morning then?

MeridianB · 05/09/2016 12:29

OP, YADNBU.

I am amazed that your friends think so. Your managers are totally out of order.

Don't even consider doing it. Even if you did the evenings for a while, as others have said, there are no guarantees it would ever end and it's annoying to have to fit in with someone else every day. Payment for petrol makes it even more awkward with all the potential for 'Oh I'll give it to you next week' and the bad feeling that can create.

As a working mother you have enough going on.

Don't apologise or explain. Just say no.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/09/2016 12:39

Jane lives near you, so you both live 30 miles from work, wtf did she accept the job before knowing how she will get to that distance herself! Totally irresponsible on her part, and that of the managers, lumping you with this. I would walk in there, are tell them that you are not responsible for getting her into work, if she lives that far, she should have thought about this before applying for the job. The brass neck of some people, I am shocked.

jellybeans · 05/09/2016 12:42

Yanbu. I wold expect a lift and would make sure I Could get there.

Not sure young and naive is right here. I was a mother of 4 and could drive well before 25.

Even if she passes her test, she may not get a car. If she is offered free lit's why would she take on such a huge expense.

Will she contribute to petrol?

jellybeans · 05/09/2016 12:42

Sorry above should say I wouldn't expect a lift.

NavyandWhite · 05/09/2016 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 05/09/2016 12:56

It's the sort of thing you do once in a while (such as car on dock) for established colleagues that you are happy to take a longish journey with. Not regularly at the behest of management for someone you might not get on with. My DM did it decades ago for a colleague of my father whom she drove to work because he was blind. The woman only had one topic of conversation, namely the poodles she bred . . . I was in the car once (aged nine, I think) and was ready to weep after twenty damned minutes which none of us would ever get back!

jobrum · 05/09/2016 13:37

As a non-driver, I think yadnbu. How does she know she will pass her test soon? It could be months. If I was in her situation I'd have asked if there's any possibility of any sort of lift and then gratefully accepted whatever was offered insisting on petrol money and buy you the occassional small thank you. Or I would not have taken the job without passing my test and getting a car.

We had something similar at work. A cleaner lived a couple of long bus rides away and got a lift with the other cleaner. When she left our facilities managment were trying to interview only candiates with a car who could pick her up and give her a lift back to the bus stop a mile walk away! A walk I do twice a day with no problems and the shift was in the afternoon so no transport problems. Some people live in a dream world.

MTBMummy · 05/09/2016 13:44

Sod the lift, I'd be asking to speak to the company data controller asking for proof that you have consented for your private details to be passed to someone else.

I'd casually mention that the ICO doesn't like companies that do this and the new fine structure could financially cripple them, I'm sure some of the more excitable arms of the press would also love to hear this.

Wankers

wizzywig · 05/09/2016 13:49

Jane is a kidult. Dont be like jane

Only1scoop · 05/09/2016 14:02

Hope you not being Joe le taxi

LurkingHusband · 05/09/2016 14:28

So yesterday management approached me saying they had given her my details

er ... data protection act anyone ?

Unless your company has some unique data protection clauses you signed, this is a clear breach of data protection principles.

If nothing else, you should name these jokers so we can all know where our data is being spaffed without permission.

It's also a serious invasion of privacy.

LurkingHusband · 05/09/2016 14:30

re the data protection angle ...

a good tech site, which follows such issues is The Register

if you need to escalate.

FinallyHere · 05/09/2016 14:40

Agree with everyone that this is not right.

I would ask them about their data protection policies: they should not make your personal data (identifiable information such as phone number and home address) available to another member of staff without your permission. This is a really serious offence, for which the directors of the company are ultimately responsible. You can at the minimum ensure that they become aware of their responsibilities in this area and that they apologise for the brach and make sure that it doesn't happen again.

LurkingHusband · 05/09/2016 14:42

This is a really serious offence, for which the directors of the company are ultimately responsible.

Sadly precedent won't bear that out ...

eggyface · 05/09/2016 15:29

What details did they give? Could be just company mobile and the information that OP once gave people lifts from a particular area. That's not home address or private no.
They are wrong though for all the other reasons pps have said.

justilou · 05/09/2016 15:34

Hi OP - dying to hear if anything has come up today at work. How is poor little pedestrian Jane?

Aeroflotgirl · 05/09/2016 16:31

What management should have said to Jane, when she asked who can take her to work, in her interview, "Jane it is your responsibility to get yourself into work, if you cannot, why did you apply for this role". instead they indulged her, and put the onus on you to give this woman/child lifts to work, not fair!

Enidblyton1 · 05/09/2016 17:30

I'm intrigued...do you think Management found it hard to recruit for Jane's role? Does Jane have amazing, specialist skills which meant that Management were desperate to give her the job and thought they would deal with the transport issues later?!!
Whilst it is totally unacceptable for Management to expect you to give lifts, you have to understand the full situation I order to know how to respond. Will life be difficult at work if you don't give lifts?
I would be really honest with Management and say you go to the gym in the morning and can only do afternoons. What happens if one of you needs to stay late to finish some work? Surely you don't all leave work at the same time every day?
If Management are at all reasonable they should listen to you. Make sure you appear willing, but then give all the pitfalls as to why it won't work. Good luck!

LurkingHusband · 05/09/2016 17:44

I wonder what an insure might say, if they took the view that |(since the lift is at the request of management) that the OP was using their car for hire and reward (and was therefore not covered) ?

It's certainly something I would check, before entering this Brave New World.

rollonthesummer · 05/09/2016 20:57

Did you drive her home?!

MintyChops · 06/09/2016 14:15

What happened OP? Did you say no? Come back and tell us

RedSoloCup · 06/09/2016 19:53

Come back OP .....

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