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AIBU?

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Original poster

giving lifts

198 replies

Kayakinggirl86 · 03/09/2016 10:18

Ok trying to work out if I am being unreasonable to say no or come to a compromise with this.

I live about 30miles from my work, and work in quite a rural location (think industrial estate 12miles from nearest town). This week a new person (let’s call her Jane) started at work that does not drive, and has no way of getting there. Jane lives reasonably close to me (and could get public transport to mine, but would leave it cutting it fine to get to work on time). One of Jane’s first questions to management was who can give her a lift to and from work. So yesterday management approached me saying they had given her my details and for us to sort out lifts together. I muttered to them that I am not too sure it would work with child care ect and needed to talk to DP. Their response was you gave XX a lift a few years back when she was in the same situation. (This was before I moved in with DP and DSD, and it annoyed me a lot of the time). Their response was but Jane has no other way of getting to work other than a very expensive taxi, and she is learning to drive so would not be fore ever.

Is it wrong of me to say her getting to work is not my issue?
That she should not have applied for a job that she had no way of getting to!

Also me and DP have finally worked out a good morning routine (or I find it good as it allows me to beat rush hour traffic, and go to the gym- which means I don’t go in the evenings meaning he can work later/ don’t need to rely on child care) and I don’t really want to mess with it. I am happy to give her a lift home but not a lift to work.

Just when I said this too few friends they said I was being unreasonable and mean; as she is just young (she is 24), she is new, and it is a temporary thing so I should just put up with the change till she passes her test and be nice to her.

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 03/09/2016 15:05

I am so angry on your behalf! What were management thinking?

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 03/09/2016 15:15

Re giving her your details though, was that your work phone number (which I'd expect to be freely available) or your home number?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 03/09/2016 15:17

Your management are very presumptuous. The absolute cheek of it! What makes her more valued as an employee than you are, eh?

It might be one thing to have a quiet word to sound you out initially but to give the new hire your contact details as if "oh, don't worry, we'll sort your transport problem out for you, no problem" is quite another.

Do not even hint that you might be able to help her with a lift in the evening after work. You'll be making a rod for your own back and it will become the thin end of the wedge. It's an absolute certainty. It always is. Do it once in a while if you're feeling generous, but on a regular basis, absolutely not.

rookiemere · 03/09/2016 15:26

I'm shocked by your employers.

I'd send both whoever told you you'd be doing this and Jane an email and just state that you are unable to ever provide a lift in the mornings as you have other commitments. You are able to offer her a lift home for a short period until she passes her test , provided she is happy to be flexible if you need to work late or stop at the supermarket on the way home.

Management probably thought they had a neat solution to the problem, but it's definitely not your problem. I wouldn't be doing anything passive aggressive like talking to management about cost of petrol etc. etc. just state clearly what you will and won't do and leave it at that.

AbyssinianBanana · 03/09/2016 15:48

I would tell Jane management made a mistake and you cannot do it. No other explanation.

Then I'd rip management a new one and cc the owner/eco. unless they are proposing a company car, petrol allowance, proper insurance and overtime and amending your existing contract - your duties do not include providing transport for company's staff.

DinosaursRoar · 03/09/2016 15:50

YANBU - just say no. It's opening a can of worms to do it now to 'help out'. She can sort her own transport. Don't talk about petrol costs or more money or anything else, because you are therefore agreeing with them it's a sensible idea that you take her and that you could, just at a cost.

You are unable to take her. The 'why' is your business.

(I've worked in several places where personal mobile numbers and home addresses were accessable to most staff, but generally it's up to the employee to decide how much info they want to add to the searchable database)

allsfairinlove · 03/09/2016 16:03

Weird management Confused

TikTakTok · 03/09/2016 16:33

One of Jane’s first questions to management was who can give her a lift to and from work. So yesterday management approached me saying they had given her my details and for us to sort out lifts together.

You can't know what Jane actually said. She may have very politely asked if they knew of anyone who might like to give her a lift and she may have been willing to pay. She hasn't necessarily been rude.

Shakirawannabe · 03/09/2016 16:36

YADNBU

It's not your responsibility to get her to and from work.
I had this at an old job when I was 20 and my manager asked me to take a colleague to and from work ,45min drive and he was in his late 50s and when I was on the motorway put his hand on my leg!!!
I told my manager I wouldn't be taking him again and said why. They still told me to continue taking him! Twats!
It turned out that he was an alcoholic so did it when he was drunk so he didn't mean it.
I was even more pissed off that they put a man with no control in a car on her own with a 20 year old.

Don't do it op you get no thanks.

Chottie · 03/09/2016 16:48

Please do not agree to this.

Surely it is the applicant's responsibility to ensure she can easily get to her work place.

Giving your personal details to another employee without checking first with you, breaches all data protection procedure.

24 is not young, she has been an adult for 6 years.

If you do agree......
Supposing she does not pass her driving test?
What happens when you are on leave or sick? Does that mean she doesn't come to work on those days?

I would be saying no, if management want her to be part of your company, maybe they could organise a rota of lifts for her between them? :)

BARB060609 · 03/09/2016 16:53

Is this a true story? At 24 she is not really "young" its not like she is straight out of school. She should not have applied for a job that she has no means of getting to, and management should have told her this! They should not have made it your problem OP, and although you shouldn't have to explain reasons why you can't take her of a morning just tell her why and make it clear you can not change your personal routine to suit her! (CHEEKY FUCKER)

myrtleberry · 03/09/2016 17:06

How did she get to work last week?

norabattyapparently · 03/09/2016 17:08

Your management sound like bell ends I'd be looking for a new job if I were you!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 03/09/2016 17:35

Is she expecting you on Monday?! I'd be discussing this with senior management. I wouldn't agree to anything, it will just carry on and on. I used to take someone home when we worked late because there were no buses until I was ill one evening and they kicked off at me for not making other arrangements for them.

rollonthesummer · 04/09/2016 15:39

What has happened since management asked you? Are you 'thinking about it' or did you say no? Is she expecting a lift tomorrow?

TiggyD · 04/09/2016 15:47

Can you suggest to your bosses that the lifts are part of your working day and therefore need to be paid for by them?

99littleducks · 04/09/2016 15:51

Is Jane related to or a friend of someone in management?

That's the only reason I can think as to why they are being so accommodating to her at your expense!

rollonthesummer · 04/09/2016 15:59

I agree. There must be some reason why your management is bending over backwards to help her?!

Witchend · 04/09/2016 16:08

The conversation wasn't necessarily Jane assuming anything.
Could be much more along the lines of casual conversation.
"Take you long to get in"
"Bit of hassle, really. Two buses and a mile walk. Never mind it'll do me good."
"Are you coming from X?"
"That's right"
"Oh, Op comes from there. I know she won't mind giving a lift. She's done it for people before. I'll ask"
Janes stutters something about not minding the journey /not being a nuisance, which management ignores.

It maybe Jane is cheeky, but otoh the conversation above iis perfectly possible and she may be feeling very awkward about it.

However I'd give the answer no no and thrice no.
You will find yourself either waiting around, or her hangung over you waiting. You can't nip somewhere on the way home. If you're called to puck up dc early the you'll have to let her know etc.
I'd just say you don't go straight to work or back usually, so unfortunately can't make a commitment.

imjessie · 04/09/2016 16:21

Tell them to do one !! I'd be furious if if I wanted to give someone a lift I will offer ! I hate being at some one else beck and call and yes I've done it in the past and it drove my nuts ! Tell her it isn't convenient and that's that .

Andrewofgg · 04/09/2016 16:33

As for management giving my details not to bothered about that as is phone number which she could have easily found on staff data base.

If you are not bothered, you are not bothered, but I would be livid. Home addresses and phone numbers, personal mobile numbers, personal email addresses, should only be disclosed on a strict need-to-know basis, and she didn't need to know yours.

Altogether now, let's hear it from the Massed Choirs of Mumsnet:

No is a complete sentence!

clam · 04/09/2016 16:42

they had given her my details and for us to sort out lifts together.

Except that it's not really sorting out lifts "together," is it? Jane's not giving any lifts. It's you who's being put out here.

RichardBucket · 04/09/2016 17:33

Definitely don't agree to anything.

The Data Protection stuff is probably a no-go. Sounds like all they gave out was the OP's number, which is available anyway (I see one poster was dubious about this, but we have it at our workplace, since we all have company-issued mobiles anyway) and said she used to give lifts to someone who lives in that area. No protected data there.

Andrewofgg · 04/09/2016 18:28

RichardBucket Giving one employee another's phone number without a solid need-to-know is piss-poor management even if it is not illegal. A company mobile is another matter in the sense that the need-to-know test is more easily satisfied, but even then the wish to beg a regular lift is not a need to know.

harderandharder2breathe · 04/09/2016 18:36

Yanbu

I can't drive. I am limited in jobs i can apply for because of this. But it's my choice. If I was new to the area i might ensuite about public transport but certainly not "who can give me a lift"