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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

giving lifts

198 replies

Kayakinggirl86 · 03/09/2016 10:18

Ok trying to work out if I am being unreasonable to say no or come to a compromise with this.

I live about 30miles from my work, and work in quite a rural location (think industrial estate 12miles from nearest town). This week a new person (let’s call her Jane) started at work that does not drive, and has no way of getting there. Jane lives reasonably close to me (and could get public transport to mine, but would leave it cutting it fine to get to work on time). One of Jane’s first questions to management was who can give her a lift to and from work. So yesterday management approached me saying they had given her my details and for us to sort out lifts together. I muttered to them that I am not too sure it would work with child care ect and needed to talk to DP. Their response was you gave XX a lift a few years back when she was in the same situation. (This was before I moved in with DP and DSD, and it annoyed me a lot of the time). Their response was but Jane has no other way of getting to work other than a very expensive taxi, and she is learning to drive so would not be fore ever.

Is it wrong of me to say her getting to work is not my issue?
That she should not have applied for a job that she had no way of getting to!

Also me and DP have finally worked out a good morning routine (or I find it good as it allows me to beat rush hour traffic, and go to the gym- which means I don’t go in the evenings meaning he can work later/ don’t need to rely on child care) and I don’t really want to mess with it. I am happy to give her a lift home but not a lift to work.

Just when I said this too few friends they said I was being unreasonable and mean; as she is just young (she is 24), she is new, and it is a temporary thing so I should just put up with the change till she passes her test and be nice to her.

OP posts:
JudyCoolibar · 03/09/2016 10:34

I cannot believe that
A. Someone at an interview would ask this

She didn't ask at the interview, she asked once she'd started work. She seems to have assumed it would be sorted out for her.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 03/09/2016 10:34

Would you be prepared to do it if Jane were to pick up all your petrol costs, OP? Grin

You are being inconvenienced and guilted into something you don't want to do/have no obligation to do.

Having the petrol bill paid for would be the only way I'd consider it. Grin

Original poster
Kayakinggirl86 · 03/09/2016 10:35

I am pretty annoyed that it was management to approached me about lifts. Our staff team is pretty small (about 50). Why she could have not just asked me (we had been taking about things earlier in the day and she had said about a kids club and my response was DSD goes there from time to time, as we live close to that, so she knows I live near her!). IF i give her lifts in the evening she will have to work to my schedule!

Nice to hear others who agree with me DP was discussing how we could sort out different child care and re work things- personally don't think we should be put out because of her. There is being nice and being taken for a ride.

Her test is booked for October or November but if she does not pass (or passes but does not get a car) it could easily turn in to permanent thing *(which is my worry)

OP posts:
Titflaps · 03/09/2016 10:36

Yanbu. She shouldn't have taken the job if she can't get there. I don't see how this should be made to be your problem, even if you were kind enough to do it in the past. You won't get any thanks, or recognition for the inconvenience so I would stand my ground. Just say 'no, this doesn't really work for me', you don't have to justify yourself or apologise.

QOD · 03/09/2016 10:37

No no no no

It's a bloody cheek!!

WatchingFromTheWings · 03/09/2016 10:39

Management had no right to give her your details. If she starts texting or calling for lifts I'd just block her number.

CurbsideProphet · 03/09/2016 10:40

Does that mean getting Jane to work is now part of your work responsibilities? I would be so cross if my employer did this to me and gave out my address.

Hmmnotkeen · 03/09/2016 10:41

Don't make any accommodations, not doing one way or anything. Think of it this way, if she is entitled enough to think grown adults get picked up and dropped off like school children, what else is she going to be entitled about?

I'm a non driver by choice, which means I have to live my life accordingly.

SuburbanRhonda · 03/09/2016 10:41

Another one shocked at giving out personal details - this would result in a disciplinary in my job.

I'd tell the employer you're happy to taxi her for your normal hourly rate and 40p a mile. Will they pay you or should she?!

^^

IneedAdinosaurNickname · 03/09/2016 10:42

Yanbu. It's Jane's responsibility to get to work and management have a nerve telling her you'll drive her!
What happens if your off sick or on holiday? Will she also get a day off? :/

SuburbanRhonda · 03/09/2016 10:43

And how will Jane get to work when you're on annual leave?

pollyblack · 03/09/2016 10:43

You are not being unreasonable! Oh my god I would hate to give someone a lift every day or ever

Tell them it doesn't work for you.

Eviecat83 · 03/09/2016 10:44

I'm annoyed for you!
The sooner you say no, the better! Just say you don't go straight to and from the office as have childcare, gym, shopping etc to sort everyday. Why should you be made to rearrange your routine? And as others have said- what if you're on annual leave/sick? How will she get there then?

worriedworker01 · 03/09/2016 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Kayakinggirl86 · 03/09/2016 10:46

So glad to hear that I am not being un reasonable to say. I am not changing my morning plans!

As for being asked at interview, we never ask at interview how people are planning on getting there.

OP posts:
chocolateworshipper · 03/09/2016 10:47

I would ask management to explain how they are allowed to give your personal contact details out under the Data Protection Act

SeaCabbage · 03/09/2016 10:47

Bloody cheek of them.

It could be ages until she can drive herself, due to various factors.

I would say if she can fit in with you ie be at your house when you leave home and go home with you to your house when you leave work then maybe. Maybe. STill a pain.

But there is no way you should have to change one iota of they way you have set up your life in order to accommodate someone who has taken a job with no means to get there! Madness.

AmserGwin · 03/09/2016 10:48

YANBU at all!

Batteriesallgone · 03/09/2016 10:50

You say 'management' is it just one interesting busy body who needs reporting to HR for giving out contact details and generally getting over involved in colleagues private lives?

Because yes I do consider the work commute private life. Unless as PP suggested they are willing to pay you to drive her

INeedNewShoes · 03/09/2016 10:51

This is unbelievable and completely out of order for the management to expect you to sort out a colleague's woeful lack of planning in not knowing how she'll get to work.

She can get very fit cycling to work instead. Plenty of people who don't drive cycle to get from A to B.

Foslady · 03/09/2016 10:51

Seeing as management have asked, ask them if now your working day starts when you pick up Jane will they pay you or give you time off in lieu?

Kintan · 03/09/2016 10:52

Surely management are breaking data protection rules - I'd put in an official complaint if I were you!

FuzzyOwl · 03/09/2016 10:52

YADNBU. This is absolutely not your problem and 24 is not that young.

At best I would say there are occasions that you will be able to give her a lift home but she will have to contribute £X amount. However, you cannot give her a lift to work and you won't be able to drive her home every day, plus your availability might change with no notice.

MargaretCabbage · 03/09/2016 10:53

I can't drive. If I saw a job that I wanted but couldn't get to on my own I wouldn't apply. I can't believe anyone would expect their employer to sort this out, and that the employer would go along with it. I'd absolutely refuse.

I'm also learning to drive, but it's been a long process and I'm still rubbish, so it could take her a long time.

LightDrizzle · 03/09/2016 10:54

ConvincingLiar: I'd tell the employer you're happy to taxi her for your normal hourly rate and 40p a mile. Will they pay you or should she?!

This! I'm surprised your friends think you are being mean. Your employers were well out of order. I'd send a polite email to them expressing your disappointment; pointing out that your domestic circumstances are no longer the same as they presumed them to be and you will not be giving Jane lifts. You will of course give her all the support she needs within the workplace to help her settle happily into her new role.

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