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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

giving lifts

198 replies

Kayakinggirl86 · 03/09/2016 10:18

Ok trying to work out if I am being unreasonable to say no or come to a compromise with this.

I live about 30miles from my work, and work in quite a rural location (think industrial estate 12miles from nearest town). This week a new person (let’s call her Jane) started at work that does not drive, and has no way of getting there. Jane lives reasonably close to me (and could get public transport to mine, but would leave it cutting it fine to get to work on time). One of Jane’s first questions to management was who can give her a lift to and from work. So yesterday management approached me saying they had given her my details and for us to sort out lifts together. I muttered to them that I am not too sure it would work with child care ect and needed to talk to DP. Their response was you gave XX a lift a few years back when she was in the same situation. (This was before I moved in with DP and DSD, and it annoyed me a lot of the time). Their response was but Jane has no other way of getting to work other than a very expensive taxi, and she is learning to drive so would not be fore ever.

Is it wrong of me to say her getting to work is not my issue?
That she should not have applied for a job that she had no way of getting to!

Also me and DP have finally worked out a good morning routine (or I find it good as it allows me to beat rush hour traffic, and go to the gym- which means I don’t go in the evenings meaning he can work later/ don’t need to rely on child care) and I don’t really want to mess with it. I am happy to give her a lift home but not a lift to work.

Just when I said this too few friends they said I was being unreasonable and mean; as she is just young (she is 24), she is new, and it is a temporary thing so I should just put up with the change till she passes her test and be nice to her.

OP posts:
ThomasRichard · 03/09/2016 13:35

YANBU. It's her problem how she gets to work, not yours.

Notmoreantihistamines · 03/09/2016 13:39

Clearly I am being a cynical old hag.

Q Your car is broken. You need to get to work. You are one mile to the nearest transport link. Do you
a) walk
b) cycle, chain up bike at transport
c) call a cab
d) stay overnight in a B&B

Hmm
JudyCoolibar · 03/09/2016 13:39

Notmore, OP didn't stay in the B&B rather than walk one mile. Village is a mile away from her workplace, there is no public transport to that village early enough, her own car wasn't available. Therefore I assume she took public transport the previous day to that village, stayed over in the B&B, and walked one mile to work the following morning. It may have been cheaper than a taxi, or she may have reckoned that she'd rather to go the B&B and get up at a civilised hour (and get breakfast made for her) rather than getting a taxi from her home early in the morning.

But none of that is really relevant to this thread, is it?

treaclesoda · 03/09/2016 13:41

notmore I don't think she said she stayed in a B&B rather than walk a mile. I think she meant there is a bus/train to the village which is a mile away but that it doesn't get you to the mile away village early enough to allow you to reach work in time. So she had to stay overnight in a B&B the night before in order to reach work on time, on the occasions when she has not been able to drive.

Notmoreantihistamines · 03/09/2016 13:45

Ah, you think the 1 mile village is from place of work. I read it as transport is at the village 1 mile from home Blush
Even so back to my first post
Jane can move. Or get another job.
Not your problem.
As you were Wink

Abraiid2 · 03/09/2016 13:53

Notmore there is no transport to the village that would get there in time for work, which is why the OP stayed overnight.

Socksey · 03/09/2016 13:54

12 miles is easy cycling distance unless she has a physical disability preventing this.
My first job, at age 17, required a similar commute (I lived in the countryside so everywhere was far?).... I cycled to that job in all weather and made sure I was never late.
Even now, as a driver, I have my routine and would not want to chauffeur anyone about, especially if I didn't know them.....
Also insurance issues if she contributes to costs etc....and Data Protection
.....
So wrong on so many levels....
Offer to drive her to Halford as a favour.... and leave it at that....

DoreenLethal · 03/09/2016 13:55

There is a village about a mile away but there is no way of getting there before work starts from where we live (know cause when car has broken have had to stay at a b and b there

You stayed at a BnB rather than call a taxi for a mile away? Or walk? A mile?

Notmoreantihistamines · 03/09/2016 13:55

"Drive her to Halfords"

Grin
Original poster
Kayakinggirl86 · 03/09/2016 13:56

Sorry I seem to have been a bit confusing yep the nearest place you can get transport to work is about a mile away. When my car had broke, it has been cheaper and easer to just stay in the closest village (and walk the short distance to work) as public transport would not work at all. However this is de railing from thread.

OP posts:
Notmoreantihistamines · 03/09/2016 13:56

Doreen, you read it as I did. I stand corrected.

No, the B&B is 1 mile from place of work, not 1 mile from transport links

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 03/09/2016 13:58

Don't explain to managment about going to gym before work, or child care or anything. None of their business.
Just say circumtances have changed and giving someone a lift is not possible.
Frankly if your change of circumstances is "I don't want to" that is ok

TheresAJaffaCakeInMyPocket · 03/09/2016 13:58

Yanbu

pluck · 03/09/2016 13:58

If she's learning to drive, she'll have a provisional license and can get a moped. Wirk could lend her the money for that. Totally sortable without anyone else's input.

It's very wrong of management to suggest an employee should pay a subsidy (the childcare you'd have to use) to another employee!

Iamliftzilla · 03/09/2016 14:01

Another thread about me. Excellent.

RandomMess · 03/09/2016 14:01

YANBU

ON the face of it you could offer her a lift to yours every evening provided she is ready to leave when you are. How she gets there in the moring is not your problem though!!!

Notmoreantihistamines · 03/09/2016 14:02

OP, IME every type of long term lift share turns into a mess, whether is work or shared school run. Even with caveats "if you aren't ready I will go without you" they aren't ready, you feel obligated and wait. Even with typed and emailed rotas, someone forgets to check.

It is inconvenient, time consuming and irritating.

You are under no obligation. Don't do it.

ImYourMama · 03/09/2016 14:07

I would do it for regular petrol money but she gets herself to yours for the time you state and she works to your schedule. And it has a strict time limit on it

justilou · 03/09/2016 14:13

You should advise management that if you are becoming the company driver you will be needing a fully paid and insured company car and a petrol card please.... How dare they put you in a position where you are made to feel unreasonable for objecting to being imposed upon in your own time and at your own expense!!!

Boysnme · 03/09/2016 14:26

I have a slightly different view here - your work / Jane have not been unreasonable to ask. This may have suited you to share lifts and petrol costs. However you are not being unreasonable to say no without any explanation. I drive to work as do a number of my colleagues from the same place, some of them car share, personally I don't simply because it is restricting. I do accept lifts though if I say am going out after work and don't want to take my car and would give lifts back for similar reasons but would not get into any regular patterns.

Do what is right for you, if you want to do lifts at the end of the day then do that. But also don't feel you can't stop it if it doesn't work out - it's not your problem if Jane can't get to work.

As an aside, many employers now won't ask how someone plans to get to work in case they are deemed to have discriminated against them.

Good luck with it OP!

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 03/09/2016 14:26

Jane and your management are absolutely taking the piss.

I don't drive because I don't want to. So I would never apply for a job unless I could get there and back independently. Surely that's basic?

Plus for the drivers who see their commute as their winding down / chilling time, same with me. It's for zoning out, reading, planning my evening. The last thing I need then is to be making polite conversation with someone who's been pushed into giving me lifts.

MintyChops · 03/09/2016 14:29

Don't apologise, don't explain, don't offer evening lifts or get drawn into a discussion about how much Jane might pay or when it may or may not be possible. Just say "I am unable to offer any lifts as it does not suit me. Let me know what support Jane needs in the workplace".

Cheeky bastards to put you in this position.

redlocks28 · 03/09/2016 14:39

One of Jane’s first questions to management was who can give her a lift to and from work. So yesterday management approached me saying they had given her my details and for us to sort out lifts together.

I've just re-read your OP and I'm still really cross on your behalf! She has been unbelievably rude-who makes their first questions to management asking for lifts?! Management have also assumed this was ok with you.

Please say no-please, please, please.

Have you spoken to Jane yet? Is she assuming you're taking her Monday?

Cherrysoup · 03/09/2016 15:01

Wow, I'm gobsmacked at management assuming and Jane asking how she can get to work!

Tell them all they're being ridiculous, no way would I be offering daily lifts, it's so restrictive. Some days I leave on time, others I stay for hours!

SidneyPiecrust · 03/09/2016 15:04

Liftzilla, give us your take on this.