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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

giving lifts

198 replies

Kayakinggirl86 · 03/09/2016 10:18

Ok trying to work out if I am being unreasonable to say no or come to a compromise with this.

I live about 30miles from my work, and work in quite a rural location (think industrial estate 12miles from nearest town). This week a new person (let’s call her Jane) started at work that does not drive, and has no way of getting there. Jane lives reasonably close to me (and could get public transport to mine, but would leave it cutting it fine to get to work on time). One of Jane’s first questions to management was who can give her a lift to and from work. So yesterday management approached me saying they had given her my details and for us to sort out lifts together. I muttered to them that I am not too sure it would work with child care ect and needed to talk to DP. Their response was you gave XX a lift a few years back when she was in the same situation. (This was before I moved in with DP and DSD, and it annoyed me a lot of the time). Their response was but Jane has no other way of getting to work other than a very expensive taxi, and she is learning to drive so would not be fore ever.

Is it wrong of me to say her getting to work is not my issue?
That she should not have applied for a job that she had no way of getting to!

Also me and DP have finally worked out a good morning routine (or I find it good as it allows me to beat rush hour traffic, and go to the gym- which means I don’t go in the evenings meaning he can work later/ don’t need to rely on child care) and I don’t really want to mess with it. I am happy to give her a lift home but not a lift to work.

Just when I said this too few friends they said I was being unreasonable and mean; as she is just young (she is 24), she is new, and it is a temporary thing so I should just put up with the change till she passes her test and be nice to her.

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 03/09/2016 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HermioneWeasley · 03/09/2016 10:56

What details of yours did they give her?

I'd be livid - 24 is absolutely an adult.

If you agree to give her a lift home when it suits you, I'd absolutely be charging her top whack for petrol so it's not too comfy for her.

Ifailed · 03/09/2016 10:57

Your employer has just revealed to you what they think of you, so whether you end up being Jane's taxi driver or not, they clearly seem to think you'll do whatever they tell you without consultation. I'd be looking another job, and then sue them for constructive dismissal.

Batteriesallgone · 03/09/2016 10:58

Insurance is a good point actually.

Ferrying a colleague about on request from management - would that be considered work use? Might be a feeble excuse but still one to add to the pile of reasons to say no to pushy management

blankmind · 03/09/2016 10:58

Agree with PPs, it's a dreadful faux pas by management, is she related to one of them?

Mornings, don't agree to anything, your routine for your whole family takes precedence.

Evenings, how could you possibly agree for it to be every night when there are so many variables like having to collect your child if she's ill or dash to the GP or shop or pick up unexpected visitors or help a friend, or even meet your DP with dd and do something spontaneous as a family that doesn't involve going home first.

There are so many things that are likely to happen to disrupt your drive from work to home that it's impossible to commit to doing as management have asked.

I also think it's dreadful that they gave out your details. Complain. Your circumstances have changed since you gave lifts in the past.

She will need to make other arrangements, which ones of the management team live near her, give her their details and suggest she gets a bike or moped if they can't oblige.

FrancisCrawford · 03/09/2016 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dowhatnow · 03/09/2016 11:00

You are being more than generous offering her the evening lift. Make sure you are consistent applying the - she must work to your timetable - caveat.

TikTakTok · 03/09/2016 11:00

This is so unreasonable it's almost hard to believe.

Just do what you want and don't worry about it. If you do give her a lift then charge her for it.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/09/2016 11:01

I am a non car driver, and my jaw is on the floor reading this! Jane should not expect other people to give her lifts, getting to work is her responsibility, and she should not accept the job if she cannot get herself to work. Management should not be asking you to take responsibility for Jane, I would be asking for a meeting with the line manager, and to tell him no you cannot take Jane to work, its her responsibility to get there herself. Do not get sucked into this.

dowhatnow · 03/09/2016 11:01

You can pay to do intensive driving courses. Management will have to allow her time off to pursue one of these, if it's that important to them.

It's not your responsibility.

TaterTots · 03/09/2016 11:02

I don't drive, but whenever prospective employers have asked if this will be an issue getting to work, I've always been very clear on how I'll be getting there. Personally I think that, outside London, there is a somewhat odd assumption that no car equals being completely tied to very local roles or reliant on others. Complete nonsense of course - BUT, knowing this prejudice exists, I was always ready with a plan. Having now been on the other side of the interview table, if someone I'd hired started asking if anyone could help her out with lifts I'd be inwardly groaning, expecting months of late arrivals and early departures ('my lift didn't turn up', 'No, I can't stay late tonight; my lift had to go early' etc.)

dowhatnow · 03/09/2016 11:03

And your response on the doing it previously.

"It worked then, it doesn't now. Sorry"

pudcat · 03/09/2016 11:03

Jane should look for accommodation nearer to work and then bike in.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/09/2016 11:03

It could turn permanent, if she does not pass, it is not guranteed. Even if she does pass, she might not be able to afford a car. No you need to tell management, that you cannot.

napmeistergeneral · 03/09/2016 11:11

Another one here who can't drive but would never think to ask! Maybe for something like a one-off training day in a different location, out in the sticks, but of course with petrol money paid and wine offered as thanks. But every day? To normal work? No way! How can she not be embarrassed to ask? Maybe first job? Still living with mum and dad? Either way, YANBU!

penguinplease · 03/09/2016 11:12

This is out of order.
When I was 24 I had s child, mortgage and many responsibilities , it is not a young age.
I would be livid about this and I would say so to all concerned from the outset that it is not possible full stop and you need not offer any reason why.
Ffs some people!

honeylulu · 03/09/2016 11:12

It's astonishing that she took a job which she knew she could not get to, "assumed it would all be sorted out for her" and yet you are being made to feel unreasonable.
I'd just say no. What happens when you are on holiday/off sick/attend dsd parents evening etc?

healthyheart · 03/09/2016 11:15

What will happen when you're on leave?

JudyCoolibar · 03/09/2016 11:19

I would ask management to explain how they are allowed to give your personal contact details out under the Data Protection Act

^

This!

Don't offer the lift home. Even when things are going smoothly it's a pain in the neck having to liaise with another person to see when they're ready, stop in the middle of a job because they're anxious to get off, wait for them when they're in the middle of a job, etc. And as pointed out there will be numerous occasions when you just can't do it due to illness, other appointments, holidays, social commitments, school events, and family obligations.

CrazyNameCrazyGuy · 03/09/2016 11:21

She needs to take a bus/train to the nearest town (is it really 12 miles away?) and then a taxi to the office from there. She would have to find her own way if you were off sick or on annual leave so it's best she gets used to it now.

If you're still happy to offer a lift home then at least it cuts her taxi costs for the return journey.

I'd be having a word with management about offering your services/details without checking first.

Zombieswillreign · 03/09/2016 11:21

Not yr responsibility ...how dare yr job give her yr details with asking you first....a big fat NO

honeylulu · 03/09/2016 11:24

I presume you haven't given her a lift so far, so how is she getting to work at the moment? Is one of the management her lifts and wants to offload it into you?

RepentAtLeisure · 03/09/2016 11:26

What if she doesn't pass her test? To be diplomatic I'd offer to give her lifts home until the date of her driving test, no more.

But it's ridiculous that they hired her and now expect you to deal with her travel arrangements. Are you getting extra pay to cover petrol and increased hours, as in this situation I would consider that you are working from the moment you leave to collect her.

RepentAtLeisure · 03/09/2016 11:31

Oh, and if you do agree, start as you mean to go on before you become friendly. Establish how much petrol money she is to pay you and when. Don't wait for her to offer, because if she is oblivious enough to go for a job she can't get to by herself, she'll probably not think of paying you for your time either.

SillyMoomin · 03/09/2016 11:32

Hell no!!! She should have thought about how to travel to work when accepting the job

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