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AIBU?

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Original poster

giving lifts

198 replies

Kayakinggirl86 · 03/09/2016 10:18

Ok trying to work out if I am being unreasonable to say no or come to a compromise with this.

I live about 30miles from my work, and work in quite a rural location (think industrial estate 12miles from nearest town). This week a new person (let’s call her Jane) started at work that does not drive, and has no way of getting there. Jane lives reasonably close to me (and could get public transport to mine, but would leave it cutting it fine to get to work on time). One of Jane’s first questions to management was who can give her a lift to and from work. So yesterday management approached me saying they had given her my details and for us to sort out lifts together. I muttered to them that I am not too sure it would work with child care ect and needed to talk to DP. Their response was you gave XX a lift a few years back when she was in the same situation. (This was before I moved in with DP and DSD, and it annoyed me a lot of the time). Their response was but Jane has no other way of getting to work other than a very expensive taxi, and she is learning to drive so would not be fore ever.

Is it wrong of me to say her getting to work is not my issue?
That she should not have applied for a job that she had no way of getting to!

Also me and DP have finally worked out a good morning routine (or I find it good as it allows me to beat rush hour traffic, and go to the gym- which means I don’t go in the evenings meaning he can work later/ don’t need to rely on child care) and I don’t really want to mess with it. I am happy to give her a lift home but not a lift to work.

Just when I said this too few friends they said I was being unreasonable and mean; as she is just young (she is 24), she is new, and it is a temporary thing so I should just put up with the change till she passes her test and be nice to her.

OP posts:
RortyCrankle · 03/09/2016 12:44

YADNBU

How ridiculous to apply for and accept a job in a location you can't reach by pubic transport.

Management have no jurisdiction over your life outside work and I would tell them to fuck off explain that your circumstances have changed since you last gave lifts and it is no longer convenient for you to do so. No details necessary - it's none of their business. If they are so keen for her to get lifts they should do it themselves

SuburbanRhonda · 03/09/2016 12:45

not to bothered about that as is phone number which she could have easily found on staff data base.

You have a staff database where your personal details can be accessed by any member of staff who wishes to look them up?

Is this for real?

Cloeycat · 03/09/2016 12:47

When I first moved to the UK and was getting a train, a bus and a 25 min walk to work my boss offered to give me a lift if I could get to her gym (right by the train station) by the time she left, if I wasn't there when she left I sorted myself out. Only lasted 2 weeks until I collected my car but it was a very kind offer that I greatfully accepted.

However I would never have expected to impose on her for any longer then I did and absolutely would not expect her to go out of her way to wait for me or change her regular plans. I think it was irresponsible for this girl to take this job without a plan of how to get there in place, what would she do if you didn't live nearby?

AlMinzerAndHisPyramidOfDogs · 03/09/2016 12:48

YANBU.
this is absolutely fuckin' outrageous. i'm fuming on your behalf OP.

NorbertDentressangle · 03/09/2016 12:51

You are most definitely NOT being unreasonable.

I can't believe she applied for a job in that location without checking first if she (bearing in mind her situation as a non-driver) could get there by public transport!

Allso your management were being unreasonable passing on your details with the expectation that you could offer lifts.

In your shoes I'd offer time-limited lifts home but not disrupt your morning routine (gym/childcare etc).

GipsyDanger · 03/09/2016 12:54

I would tell them in no uncertain terms to fuck off. To the far side of fuck. And then fuck off some more. Not your bloody problem the women can't drive. This kind of thing really grinds my gears Angry

biscuitz72 · 03/09/2016 12:55

How presumptuous of the management to give her your details and let her think that you're free to give her a lift to and from work without asking you first (in private). On principle alone I wouldn't help out, especially as you aren't just going to and from work directly, but are going to the gym, etc, on the way.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/09/2016 12:56

Management were unreasonable for not saying to her, that she needs to be able to get herself into work independently, so cannot offer her the job. They should not have passed on your details to her, without checking with you. Some young people are so cosseted that they need everything doing for them and cannot function as independent adults, like this woman here.

DarthMother · 03/09/2016 12:58

Someone else getting to work is not your problem.
I found riding a motorbike meant I bypassed situations like this. I think they have a cheeky.

DarthMother · 03/09/2016 12:58

A cheek, not a cheeky!

PirateFairy45 · 03/09/2016 12:59

Why would anyone apply for a job then expect them to find a way for you to get to work?

Kids these days do my head in, expect everything on a plate for them.

Say you can drive her home (if you want to) but you can't take her in the morning as it screws with yours and the kids routine too much.

PirateFairy45 · 03/09/2016 12:59

You are not being unreasonable. At all.

She should find her own way to work.

biscuitz72 · 03/09/2016 13:00

Also, giving out your details without your prior permission must surely be a breach of privacy?

chocoLit · 03/09/2016 13:01

Holy crap I'd NEVER suggest any of my staff give anyone a lift. They do but if of their own accord.

Tell them it doesn't suit. End of.

Very presumptuous of them indeed.

Notmoreantihistamines · 03/09/2016 13:04

If the nearest village with transport is 1 mile away surely she can walk to the bus/train. 20 minutes. Will keep her fit. Stay in a b&b the night before, what nonsense?!

No one applies for a job they can't access and expects the company to sort it out. Even if Jane thinks she is about to pass her test, how long will that take, can she afford to buy a car, run a car?

What about your insurance? Management are asking you to in effect have a regular arrangement to be her taxi, your car insurance will be compromised.

If you crash what about your personal injury liability to her?

She can move. Or get a bycycle. Or find another job. Not your problem.

228agreenend · 03/09/2016 13:10

Haven't read the whole thread but it's not your responsibility to get her to school. She shouldn't have accepted the job.

I think offer the lift home but not the morning.

Notmoreantihistamines · 03/09/2016 13:18

OP upthread

"Sorry should have made it clear, it was once she started the job she asked.

As for management giving my details not to bothered about that as is phone number which she could have easily found on staff data base.
There is a village about a mile away but there is no way of getting there before work starts from where we live (know cause when car has broken have had to stay at a b and b there)"

Who the F stays overnight in a B&B rather than get up early and walk 1mile. Hmm ?
Which firms have personal phone numbers on database Hmm ?

NB no previous mention of mobility issues that could be a contributing factor to necessitate overnight stay in B&B.

carabos · 03/09/2016 13:22

Shock On so many levels. YANBU

expatinscotland · 03/09/2016 13:22

Don't agree to do the evening lift home, either. Just tell the management that your personal responsibilities are different now and you are not available to provide lifts.

The cheek of them! And her!

YANBU. But don't give them an inch in this as they will take a mile!

rollonthesummer · 03/09/2016 13:22

Do not under any circumstances give her a lift home in the evenings either-don't make it your problem.

Your management are crap.

I bet even after (if) she's passes her test, she still doesn't drive to work as 'it's pointless both of us paying for petrol' or she can't afford a car.

If you do say-'I'll give you a lift if you're ready to go at 5.30pm' but she then says 'oh just 5 more Minutes' or 'it's x's birthday drinks' or 'can you pop me to Tesco on the way home' or she's still sharing and you have to 'ahem' her whilst you're already ready-that puts you in the position where you are hassling her if you're late to collect your child and get fined-that's her fault. Would you ever get the money?

How does she get to the pub/shops/bank/post office/GP/dentist?!

Maybe she should have considered all that before living in that house and applying for that job. Not your problem and don't make it so.

'Sorry, useless management-I often go to the gym before work and leave to pick up my kids after work so that arrangement would work for me'.

If they remind you that it did before-say that you didn't have kids then!!

These friends of yours that are saying you're being unreasonable-how many of them drive colleagues to work and back every day?

GabsAlot · 03/09/2016 13:22

who applies for a job they cant get to?

does she have family working in managment or something they seem to be bending over backwards for someone in these circumstances

biscuitz72 · 03/09/2016 13:27

Also, if you're involved in a RTC whilst giving her a lift (paid or not) and she is injured she would have a claim against you and your insurance company. If you're getting paid or giving her regular lifts would it go against your insurance; it would be worth checking.

JudyCoolibar · 03/09/2016 13:27

Notmore, OP said there isn't public transport to the nearby village at a time which would enable Jane to walk to work. I assume it doesn't start till later - in many areas it doesn't start till around 7 or 8. And it may be OP's internal office number that she's referring to.

But I am wondering whether there isn't somewhere less close but still walkable or cyclable that Jane could get to.

Notmoreantihistamines · 03/09/2016 13:32

Re read, who tf stays in a B&B rather than walk one mile to catch a bus/train/get a taxi Hmm

shabbychic1 · 03/09/2016 13:33

Not read whole thread but YANBU, your morning is yours and you have a good routine. Are management going to pay you to drive her in during work time? If not they can't dictate your out of work time. They are being very unreasonable and disrespectful. I can't understand anyone getting a job and expecting someone else to sort out their commute. You are completely in your right to say no without guilt!

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