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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

giving lifts

198 replies

Kayakinggirl86 · 03/09/2016 10:18

Ok trying to work out if I am being unreasonable to say no or come to a compromise with this.

I live about 30miles from my work, and work in quite a rural location (think industrial estate 12miles from nearest town). This week a new person (let’s call her Jane) started at work that does not drive, and has no way of getting there. Jane lives reasonably close to me (and could get public transport to mine, but would leave it cutting it fine to get to work on time). One of Jane’s first questions to management was who can give her a lift to and from work. So yesterday management approached me saying they had given her my details and for us to sort out lifts together. I muttered to them that I am not too sure it would work with child care ect and needed to talk to DP. Their response was you gave XX a lift a few years back when she was in the same situation. (This was before I moved in with DP and DSD, and it annoyed me a lot of the time). Their response was but Jane has no other way of getting to work other than a very expensive taxi, and she is learning to drive so would not be fore ever.

Is it wrong of me to say her getting to work is not my issue?
That she should not have applied for a job that she had no way of getting to!

Also me and DP have finally worked out a good morning routine (or I find it good as it allows me to beat rush hour traffic, and go to the gym- which means I don’t go in the evenings meaning he can work later/ don’t need to rely on child care) and I don’t really want to mess with it. I am happy to give her a lift home but not a lift to work.

Just when I said this too few friends they said I was being unreasonable and mean; as she is just young (she is 24), she is new, and it is a temporary thing so I should just put up with the change till she passes her test and be nice to her.

OP posts:
Skweeki · 03/09/2016 11:32

Another non-driver here. You find a way to get to wherever you're going- or you look for alternatives! And what happens if you're sick one day, or have to leave early?

If this is to be added as an "extra duty" to your role, I'd be asking for my salary to be adjusted accordingly.

swampytiggaa · 03/09/2016 11:35

Husband works nights. Sunday mornings he offers a lift home to a couple who live on his way home to save them waiting for over an hour for a bus. He does the same on bank holidays.

He offers because he likes them. They never assume that he will take them. Most times they give him £5 as a thank you which he feels horrible accepting but they insist.

The only time he gives lifts in (and is asked to) is boxing night as no buses run then.

I am pretty sure if management got involved the lifts would stop.

mypropertea · 03/09/2016 11:37

This happened to me and the Jane was a complete bastard. Mooner liked him within a week, he made me late, he never said thank you and he talked at me witch was annoying as I use my drive to chill before the madness of home. Don't let this happen to you as once you do it then the management and rest of the team will be really annoying of you stop.

emilybrontescorset · 03/09/2016 11:38

Bloody hell!

It's no one else's business what you do before or after work, how you get there.
Tell her you go to the gym on a morning so can't give her a lift.

I'm amazed by this.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 03/09/2016 11:40

I think of it was feasible for you then that's fine, but you shouldn't have to miss out on going to the gym because of it. Explain that you have plans that mean it's not something you can do.

londonrach · 03/09/2016 11:41

Management should never ever ever give out your contact details to anyone end of story! Data protection. As for the lift yanbu. You have management problem here. Really shocked in what way they throught this ok!!!!

PuppyMonkey · 03/09/2016 11:43

I'd quickly send an email to your manager saying you won't be able to help due to family issues and CC her.

sandragreen · 03/09/2016 11:44

YANBU - this is outrageous behaviour by your employers. Why on earth did they agree to it? Suspects the new employee is stunning and managers male and middle aged

Agree with PP that employers have breached DPA by giving your personal contact details. I would be considering raising a grievance over this. I would be absolutely livid.

Tell them no, it doesn't work for you, it's not up for discussion.

user1471597558 · 03/09/2016 11:50

YANBU, it was presumptuous to ask, but Jane could be in an awkward position too. I'm a similar age, learning to drive, and have found it hard to find any 'suitable' job that I can get to. I've had to turn down interviews from some rural locations because there was no public transport.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/09/2016 11:50

I would hand this problem straight back to your management and say, "That's unfortunate about the expensive taxis. Obviously you (the management) will cover those costs for Jane?". The go on to say, "As long as Jane works to my schedule I can take her home so you'll save half the taxi costs, won't you?".

Then leave that with them and sweep out of the room... Grin

You're not being unreasonable, OP. Don't let the management put this on you, it's not your problem to fix. It's theirs.

user1471597558 · 03/09/2016 11:51

Not that that excuses her interview behaviour.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/09/2016 11:54

When I was younger and hadn't passed my test (but had had lessons and was about 19) I got a job where about 2 buses (which I was prepared to get) but job started at 8.15am (factory job but I was admin). It was only for a year (maternity leave) and they asked the PA to MD who lived nearby if she would give me lifts in the morning, I still had it get a small bus to her house, a 10 minute bus ride and in the evening if I was late or had my own plans I made my own way home.

She didn't seem to mind dropping me off but I'd have been fine getting 2 buses but it would have been awkward had she not been generous with her offer of a lift. I actually passed my test just after the contract had finished.

Your management are very out of order expecting you to give this new colleague lifts.

JudyCoolibar · 03/09/2016 11:54

It doesn't matter how awkward Jane's position was, she should still have sorted out her own transport and management should have told her that.

Unless your workplace is really in the middle of nowhere, I strongly suspect that she could get a bus or train to somewhere that's in reasonable walking or cycling distance.

BrightOranges · 03/09/2016 12:07

Sorry I have no words of advice but it's made me think of Peter Kay's Car Share. Could be fun.

Seriously though, consider it and share the cost of fuel or just say no. You are not obliged to do anything.

ENormaSnob · 03/09/2016 12:07

I would be livid with management tbh.

Totally not your problem and how dare they try make it yours Angry

No way would I agree to this. Far too busy before and after work.

Original poster
Kayakinggirl86 · 03/09/2016 12:08

Sorry should have made it clear, it was once she started the job she asked.

As for management giving my details not to bothered about that as is phone number which she could have easily found on staff data base.
There is a village about a mile away but there is no way of getting there before work starts from where we live (know cause when car has broken have had to stay at a b and b there).
As for how she had been getting to work this week I have no clue. Honestly if no one lived near where she lives I have no clue how she was planning on getting there.
Thanks guys for reassuring me that I am not being unreasonable and saying can't do that (just cause I like our current set up!)
Personally coming around to the thinking it is not mine or anyone at works issue on how she gets there and she needs to sort her self out!

OP posts:
user1471597558 · 03/09/2016 12:14

Exactly, JudyCoolibar, I would always see whether the cycle route after the train ride was manageable before even applying. Some rural locations, e.g. in Gloucestershire were too hard to get to so I didn't bother applying, or was told in the interview that it would be harder than I thought. I wouldn't have asked. Although some thoughtful recruiters just told me the name of the nearest town, not the village that the industrial park was three miles from.

PageStillNotFound404 · 03/09/2016 12:27

Email on Monday:

"Dear Manager, I'm afraid I am unable to provide regular scheduled transport for Jane's commute due to personal reasons. Please let me know if you need me to assist in any way with her training in the workplace."

PageStillNotFound404 · 03/09/2016 12:29

Oops, pressed Submit too soon...and then if Jane approaches you, just say "oh I'm sorry, I told management I couldn't do it - have they not made you aware? I'm sorry they've put you in such an awkward position".

JudyCoolibar · 03/09/2016 12:33

As for management giving my details not to bothered about that as is phone number which she could have easily found on staff data base.

But they must also have told her that you lived near her, which they had no business doing.

If she can't get to the village nearby in time, is there no other midway point that she could get to and which she could walk or cycle to and from? Not that it's your problem to solve, but I'm curious about how feeble she seems to be about sorting out her journey.

Sprinklestar · 03/09/2016 12:37

Don't apologies or explain! It's a stupid request, and should be met with the derision it deserves. Don't even think about changing childcare for the benefit of a cheeky stranger!

MsDinosaur · 03/09/2016 12:40

Simply put.... YANBU!

RunningLulu · 03/09/2016 12:41

Ask your managers what happens if you go on holiday or need time off? It's ridiculous that they hired her when she has no way to get to work.

RunningLulu · 03/09/2016 12:42

Also make it very clear that you will be taking your kids to school etc as well at that time, and that if she proves to he a danger to the kids will they take responsibility.

EttaJ · 03/09/2016 12:44

I would simply say no and that you think it's outrageous that you're even being asked. Because it bloody is. I'm shocked that management would give your details to her without at least speaking to you first. What an idiot applying for a job so far away. How cheeky to then ask who can take her to work! Most bosses would say get your own way to work. Shes 24 ffs.

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