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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect to be met at the station?

201 replies

JudyGellar · 02/09/2016 22:26

I'm on a weekend away with a friend.

Friend flew out on Thursday. I flew here myself tonight (plus a 2hour train journey). I texted her when I was about 30 minutes out to ask where I was going to meet her and she said to make my way to the hotel. I got lost and was trying to find my bearings and all I got was cross texts telling me to read the fucking map.

So called friend has now taken herself off to bed after refusing to speak all through dinner. I'm sitting in the hotel bar fucking fuming.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/09/2016 01:45

She sounds a bit ridiculous, tbh. Did you at any point ask her why she didn't come to meet you? Maybe her guilt is playing her up.

However - YABU to have expected her to come to meet you. You should have arranged this beforehand - told her that you're shit with directions/maps etc. so it would be really helpful if she could meet you at the station. That would have solved a LOT of this issue; obviously no use as advice for now, but maybe for next time (if you manage to make up this weekend!)

Hope that you can both talk in the morning and work out your differences otherwise it's not going to be much fun :(

Carriadd · 03/09/2016 02:02

Ditsy4 exactly what I said .Smile

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 03/09/2016 02:04

She is the one being unreasonable, no question!

I want to know where you are Grin

JoyLibs · 03/09/2016 02:09

In her position, I would've thought it'd be nice of me to surprise you and meet you last minute and then got too lazy to actually go through with it (would've started reading a bad romance novel ahem). It really depends though. I always make these arrangements beforehand. The last time a friend visited me actually, I just had him meet me at my place because I'd been out drinking earlier and no one was upset. Grin Though now that I think about it, I should feel bad because he always meets me at the station when I visit...

YANBU to want to be met at the station but YABU to just expect it without communicating this beforehand! She's BU to refuse to speak with you though. Really no excuse for her behavior unless there's a backstory.

Bogeyface · 03/09/2016 02:22

Sounds like she already had an arse on and you being lost was the perfect excuse to take it out on you.

I am uber punctual and my sister is always always late. If she texted me that she was lost then I would text her back that she is a useless arse and then try to help her. I suspect that there is more to this than you know.

WipsGlitter · 03/09/2016 06:49

Hopefully you can smooth it out today.

PatsHatOnTheCat · 03/09/2016 07:03

If she turns up this morning with a face like a smacked arse, I'd seriously just check out. She sounds horrible.

I would have met you at the station.

Liiinoo · 03/09/2016 07:10

You sound like my DH who can totally panic when travelling. I have had similar texts/phone calls from him saying 'I'm lost -where do I go' when we have been travelling and my thought process has been 'how the hell do I know? I'm a stranger here too. Stop being such a wuss and sort yourself out'.
As I invariably organise our trips away I take his stroppy texts as a passive aggressive criticism of me and my holiday choices. I wonder if your friend feels that way?

So yes, I think that expecting a friend to treat you like a helpless infant and collect you from the station was unreasonable. On the other hand, her refusing to talk through dinner was equally childish and unreasonable.

Final thought, perhaps there is more to this than you know. Is everything ok with your friend's health/family/work? Perhaps her bad mood wasn't just about you?

thepurplehen · 03/09/2016 07:10

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to have expected your friend to meet you? Assuming she's sat in the hotel not doing much?

OneMillionScovilles · 03/09/2016 07:15

As an aside, to everyone talking about data roaming - did you know if you log in to Google Maps via a Google account (60 seconds to set up if you don't have one) you can save offline maps and use them as you would live maps? Zoom, directions etc - all you can't do is pick from multiple route options.

My sense of direction is much like OP's, and this saved my arse more than once on my last holiday Smile

Buttfucknowhere · 03/09/2016 07:15

Sorry op, i hope you make it up with your friend and have a nice weekend.
You do sound a bit like a flakey friend of mine who drives me mad. She's been spoilt by mum and dad, and as a result always expects me to meet her everywhere, gets lost constantly, panics and tries to make it my fault somehow. Drives me pippy as I like to be independent and think part of the fun of travelling is working this stuff out and getting there under your own steam. But we're all different, and if you have a good friendship I hope you can salvage it.

LagunaBubbles · 03/09/2016 07:15

Your friend sounds as if she has completely over reacted so there must be more to this - either it's been the last straw for her with you or something else has happened and is going on for her. However you've said a few times you "assumed" you would be met - because you would do the same? You do realise that everyone is different dont you? Do you always assume things based on how you think? This might be annoying her.

NightWanderer · 03/09/2016 07:16

It sounds like she was just generally in a bad mood, perhaps not related to you. Hope she has cheered up a bit this morning.

MudCity · 03/09/2016 07:16

Swearing at you and not speaking to you throughout dinner is unreasonable. Getting lost and being 20 minutes late is not unreasonable.

As others have said, if she is still in a grump then go off and explore on your own and enjoy your day.

Maybe there is a lot more to this story than meets the eye but she doesn't sound like much of a friend and to get angry about something so minor is ridiculous.

Try to enjoy your day.

Scarydinosaurs · 03/09/2016 07:18

Was it one text or several shitty ones about the map?

I hope this morning is better.

MissMargie · 03/09/2016 07:23

I agree with above- either this has happened before or friend has had a texting fallout with someone and its not you at all.

You're on hols - bit late finding hotel/ friend didn't meet you ?? Trivial - what else is going on?

Lilaclily · 03/09/2016 07:24

Can't wait for an update!

Hope she's slept off her bad mood and yiu manage to have a nice weekend otherwise I think this friendship is over ! It's not your fault if she continues to be stroppy over breakfast

Fidelia · 03/09/2016 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alphabook · 03/09/2016 07:31

Your friend's reaction sounds totally over the top, but I wonder what the context is. I used to have a work colleague/friend who never ever looked up where she was going when we arranged social events after work, always expected other people to text her/ring her with directions when she was en route and it drove me mad. It's incredibly difficult to give directions over the phone, and I never understood why it was so difficult for her to take 2 minutes beforehand to look it up on google maps and plan her route. I wouldn't have sulked all night but the last time it happened I did lose it with her a bit, especially since she seemed to be getting annoyed at me that she was lost!

I wonder if this has happened a few too many times for your friend and she's snapped. FWIW I would always plan my journey, I would never assume someone was going to meet me.

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace · 03/09/2016 07:53

What Fidelia said.

I think your friend's reaction was very OTT though. I hope that she has the good grace to apologise as well. I'm very independent and not at all fazed by being in new places and finding my own way round. I am not very good at map reading though, so sometimes I lose my bearings and it takes me a few mins to get back on track. Telling someone to 'read the fucking map' is rude and unhelpful. You were 20 minutes late - hardly a crime!

Queenbean · 03/09/2016 07:53

Queen. You don't sound much of a friend to the person you describe.

Actually tobee I'm a very good friend to this person. Which is exactly why I put up with her general uselessness. She is the most brain smart person I know but has zero common sense.

Have you read the thread about deliberately useless husbands? Sometimes she reminds me of that.

blueskyinmarch · 03/09/2016 07:55

Goodness what a fuss OP.

My DD’s 18yo friends flew out to the states to meet us when we were on holiday recently. She managed to fly long haul, get a bus from the airport to the station in city then get a cab to the hotel - all by herself. DD waited at the hotel for her. It made no sense for DD or us to go wandering off to get her when she could come to us.

Hope you manage to have a nice weekend.

Evergreen17 · 03/09/2016 07:56

But OP that is what you would do. I wouldnt because if I got myself there so can they and I am independent. You cant expect from other the same stuff you do.
So YABU but so is she by not talking to you
Shake it off both of you and enjoy your weekend!

Btw this is the kind of thing that my sister would do which is why I dont travel with her anymore

Evergreen17 · 03/09/2016 07:57

Plus it is so very hard to give someone directions when they are lost!

Shakey15000 · 03/09/2016 08:02

I probably wouldn't have met you but she's WAY OTT to have acted as she did.

Hope she grows up today and the weekend is salvaged. Don't apologise again and if she's still in a funk, head off and enjoy yourself on your own, explaining why.

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