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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have immediately replied to this text?

287 replies

Applesandpears86 · 02/09/2016 21:57

I live just down the road from one of my closer friends. She doesn't drive and we live about 3 miles from our city centre (about a 10 min drive because of traffic).

This evening I was finishing work when I got a text from her asking if I would give her and her friend a lift into town 'to save money on us paying for a cab.'

I have a 50 mile commute and happened to be coming out of a meeting in a city 70 miles away when I got the text. Needless to say I didn't reply as I just wanted to get home.

I've just received another sarcastic message telling me not to worry as she decided to fork out for the taxi in the end 'but thanks for the response'.

AIBU to think this was bloody cheeky in the first place and to therefore not have been so arsed about responding?!

OP posts:
pictish · 03/09/2016 09:59

Bertrand is that to me? If so, please rephrase as it's early and I'm only half a coffee in...what do you mean?

JudyCoolibar · 03/09/2016 09:59

If I was begging a lift for no other reason than to save myself money, and if I needed a reply quickly, I would phone rather than text anyway. Either way, my request would be very much along the lines of "Don't worry if you can't, I just thought I'd ask in case you might be going that way anyway."

So when the request is phrased in terms of the implied "I know you may have only just got home after a day's work and a long commute, but I want to save myself a few quid and therefore I would like you to interrupt whatever you are doing and be willing to go and get your car out and drive me for free to my destination" I think the recipient is perfectly entitled not to answer it immediately. Friend needs to know OP is not at her beck and call.

pictish · 03/09/2016 10:01

I don't use the 'read' function. I don't want to pressure anyone into a response. If it's important, I'll phone you. If I want or need a response I'll phone you. Text is for non consequential stuff imo.

Can you stop other people from knowing you've opened their text? Am a bit of a technomuppet.

Original poster
Applesandpears86 · 03/09/2016 10:02

It was iMessage and no I don't have the read function on.

If I've been in a meeting all today unable to look at my phone, then get in the car to drive home and read a few messages (her wasn't the only message I got all day) then no, I'm not immediately going to reply to her (when I thought it was a bloody cheeky request anyway).

It wouldn't cross my mind to ask my friends to give me a lift to a night out they weren't invited on to save me a cab fare (it would've been about a fiver). I don't see why anyone would do that unless they were feeling very charitable?

OP posts:
JudyCoolibar · 03/09/2016 10:02

And why on earth would you mind a friend asking for a lift???

I wouldn't mind a polite request. But I certainly would mind one phrased on the basis that it's my function to take her for an evening out to which I'm not invited, purely to save her money.

rollonthesummer · 03/09/2016 10:02

Me too Bitchy - I am deeply uncomfortable with the 'read' function.

Why don't you turn it off?

LittleBearPad · 03/09/2016 10:03

The friend was extraordinarily rude. I wouldn't gave replied straightaway especially given the 'saving taxi money comment'. Sod that.

BooAndM · 03/09/2016 10:04

And why on earth would you mind a friend asking for a lift???

I agree with this.
The second text was unnecessarily rude but I really don't see an issue with her first text, especially if you're good friends. My friends and I often do each other favours.

chicknquack · 03/09/2016 10:04

"You asked for a big favour and then berated me because I didn't let you know quick enough??"

...would be my response.

pictish · 03/09/2016 10:06

I agree with all of that OP. I think exactly the same way.

Only1scoop · 03/09/2016 10:07

Both texts were rude IMO
Sounds like one of life's takers

rollonthesummer · 03/09/2016 10:07

I probably would have just replied, 'I'm in Manchester!' Or wherever I was- in response to her first question.

I think the request was rude though.

How does she normally function without asking you? Do you take her to work every day? The bank? Doctors appointments? She must have to get herself about to other places on her own!!?

Only1scoop · 03/09/2016 10:07

Ywnbu at all

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 03/09/2016 10:07

Why don't you turn it off?

You can do this? Coo! How? #everydaysaschoolday

And will that then mean I can't tell whether other ppl have read my texts? hypocrite

pictish · 03/09/2016 10:11

So...can I have my phone set so I don't request a 'read' notification when I send a text (I'm sure I already have it set this way) AND that other people can't request them from me?

Is there any way to stop someone knowing whether I've read their text or not?

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 03/09/2016 10:11

I don't think asking a mate for a lift is rude (so long as she doesn't do it all the time).

It's the bit about the taxi I find Hmm.

AnUtterIdiot · 03/09/2016 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crunchymum · 03/09/2016 10:14

Does this person take the piss in other aspects? Do you often give her lifts? Look after her kids so she can go out? Lend her money?

I cannot believe the sheer cheek of her. I can not think of any instance it is acceptable for someone to demand an immediate response when you are asking someone to do you a favour ? Barring an emergency of course which is wasn't
The sarky reply confirms to me this 'friend' is indeed a cunt.

rollonthesummer · 03/09/2016 10:18

It it's an iPhone-go into settings/phone and turn off read receipts

CodyKing · 03/09/2016 10:19

There's a difference between I'm stuck and need a lift to the doctors and I'm having a night out -

I wouldn't give lifts or collect at midnight for anyone other than the family -

Wdigin2this · 03/09/2016 10:22

If she is one of your closest friends I wouldn't want to meet your enemies!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 03/09/2016 10:23

It it's an iPhone-go into settings/phone and turn off read receipts

I shall investigate. Thank you. Smile

Wdigin2this · 03/09/2016 10:24

If she is one of your closest friends I wouldn't want to meet your enemies!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 03/09/2016 10:25

If she is one of your closest friends I wouldn't want to meet your enemies!

I was hoping by that OP meant geographically close rather than kindred spirit close. Wink

pictish · 03/09/2016 10:25

Yes the lift request is in some circumstances permissible depending on relationship, history etc. It's not something I can ever imagine one of my friends doing but I can accept that some friendships operate on this dynamic.

It's the bit about the taxi...followed by the 'cheers for the response'.

Fucking cheers yourself you cheeky bitch.