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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have immediately replied to this text?

287 replies

Applesandpears86 · 02/09/2016 21:57

I live just down the road from one of my closer friends. She doesn't drive and we live about 3 miles from our city centre (about a 10 min drive because of traffic).

This evening I was finishing work when I got a text from her asking if I would give her and her friend a lift into town 'to save money on us paying for a cab.'

I have a 50 mile commute and happened to be coming out of a meeting in a city 70 miles away when I got the text. Needless to say I didn't reply as I just wanted to get home.

I've just received another sarcastic message telling me not to worry as she decided to fork out for the taxi in the end 'but thanks for the response'.

AIBU to think this was bloody cheeky in the first place and to therefore not have been so arsed about responding?!

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 05/09/2016 11:37

If you want to say no it's much easier by text.

pictish · 05/09/2016 11:39

True...and I would respond by text...when I was ready to.

BertrandRussell · 05/09/2016 11:45

Making life more difficult on purpose is something else I don't understand.

"If I reply to this text now I won't have to think about it again. But "needless to say" I'm not going to because why should I? And that way I can extend a completely trivial situation well on into the evening and really wind myself up"

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/09/2016 11:45

You should have texted.

Sorry can't help. Not in area. Working away

I don't think she was cheeky asking

My motto don't ask don't get

You could have easily said no and problem solved

If you read the text why not reply

JudyCoolibar · 05/09/2016 11:46

I do think people have completely invented the OP not being invited thing. She never mentioned it.

Have you actually read the OP's posts, Bertrand? She's mentioned it more than once.

How is it "my little family" syndrome to decide, after a long day's work and before a 70 mile journey home, that maybe you don't need to answer non-urgent texts immediately?

pictish · 05/09/2016 11:47

I procrastinate sometimes.
I'm sure you do too.

JudyCoolibar · 05/09/2016 11:48

Blondes, she shouldn't have texted that because it implies that she would have given the lift had she been in the area. Friend clearly should not be encouraged to view OP as a free taxi service available at her beck and call in the absence of an excuse that friend finds acceptable.

2016Hopeful · 05/09/2016 11:50

It's fine not to respond, for all she know you were already driving. I would have been tempted to respond no straight away though just to get her off my case! She sounds cheeky, unless you were invited I don't really see how she had the cheek to ask for a lift.

JudyCoolibar · 05/09/2016 11:52

"If I reply to this text now I won't have to think about it again. But "needless to say" I'm not going to because why should I? And that way I can extend a completely trivial situation well on into the evening and really wind myself up"

Or: "I'm tired, this isn't urgent, friend will have realised that the fact I haven't replied means I can't do it, I'll go on to the next text and get on home." How on earth is OP supposed to work out in advance that friend is going to be an arsehole about it? And how does she know that friend won't still be an arsehole even if she says no? After all, we don't know when friend sent the text - it may have been too late anyway by the time OP saw it.

JudyCoolibar · 05/09/2016 11:54

Bert, you probably need to look at Gabs' previous posts to understand her latest one. Grin

Lorelei76 · 05/09/2016 12:16

Blondes "If you read the text why not reply"

because it was a bad moment for the OP to reply. I fail to see why that's so hard to understand.

I'd be interested to know how long the friend waited before texting the arsey second text. OP could have been working, having a drink somewhere, at the cinema, at the gym, driving....

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 05/09/2016 13:05

If you read the text why not reply

Because the part about the taxi was as cheeky as fuck.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/09/2016 13:15

If it was a bad moment then op wouldn't have even read the text or looked at her phone

It would have taken 5 seconds to reply before driving off

Even saying no I can't I'm busy

I hare people who obviously read the text and don't reply for 3/6hrs later

If op was local she may have said yes - or may have thought friend was cheeky - but she said she was miles away and tired and didn't want to do it

Then say that

Lorelei76 · 05/09/2016 13:19

Blondes "If it was a bad moment then op wouldn't have even read the text or looked at her phone"

nope, could easily see it just before putting stuff in gym locker/having a sneaky glance in a meeting (!)/ etc etc.

Also, you should be able to not reply immediately to something non urgent....?

PuppyMonkey · 05/09/2016 13:32

Ha ha Blondes, your motto maybe don't ask, don't get - but don't be surprised if other people's motto is "I don't have to reply to cheeky texts."

JudyCoolibar · 05/09/2016 13:34

I hare people who obviously read the text and don't reply for 3/6hrs later

You're going to have to get over that, Blondes. The fact that you send a text does not automatically entitled you to a reply the second someone has read it.

IceRoadDucker · 05/09/2016 13:37

I hare people who obviously read the text and don't reply for 3/6hrs later

You clearly don't understand texting. This is very much your problem, not theirs.

RaspberryOverload · 05/09/2016 13:38

A text or even a phone call is an invitation to answer, not a summons. I'll decide when I reply or answer, I don't jump just because someone is calling.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/09/2016 13:55

Yes the friend was cheeky and agree 2nd text was rude

but op could have easily replied saying no but didn't

Yes to don't HAVE TO reply to a text straight away - but if you know the answer - (ie op didn't want to be a taxi nor was local) - then why not reply saying that

I have to open my texts to read them. Ie the message doesn't appear on screen

Know some have this option so yes possible op looked at her phone screen and saw the text - where as I would have to unlock and scroll to texts iyswim

But happy to agree to disagee 😁😁

Lorelei76 · 05/09/2016 13:56

Blonde "Yes to don't HAVE TO reply to a text straight away - but if you know the answer - (ie op didn't want to be a taxi nor was local) - then why not reply saying that "

that answer gives another reason why not to reply straight away - so people aren't encouraged to expect replies straight away...!

GeminiRising · 05/09/2016 15:41

Bertrand Russell

The OP did mention not being invited out. You just missed it. As well as other people telling you she'd said it.

I object to giving her the lift as I think it is bloody cheeky to ask in the first place! I don't understand why anyone would, on a Friday night, drive a friend into town for free for a night out they weren't invited on?! Let alone the fact I wasn't even home.

BertrandRussell · 05/09/2016 15:48

Oh, I thought she just meant she would have to make a special trip- not that she was upset she wasn't invited!

Original poster
Applesandpears86 · 05/09/2016 16:04

To clarify...

No I'm not upset that I wasn't invited - I don't know the other people going and as I have said several times I wasn't around in the first place!

I just think it is odd that you would ask someone to drive you and a friend somewhere if they weren't also going?

OP posts:
pictish · 05/09/2016 16:22

It is odd OP and not something most of us would do.

Lorelei76 · 05/09/2016 16:26

hi OP

did you follow up with your friend?

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