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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have immediately replied to this text?

287 replies

Applesandpears86 · 02/09/2016 21:57

I live just down the road from one of my closer friends. She doesn't drive and we live about 3 miles from our city centre (about a 10 min drive because of traffic).

This evening I was finishing work when I got a text from her asking if I would give her and her friend a lift into town 'to save money on us paying for a cab.'

I have a 50 mile commute and happened to be coming out of a meeting in a city 70 miles away when I got the text. Needless to say I didn't reply as I just wanted to get home.

I've just received another sarcastic message telling me not to worry as she decided to fork out for the taxi in the end 'but thanks for the response'.

AIBU to think this was bloody cheeky in the first place and to therefore not have been so arsed about responding?!

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 03/09/2016 08:36

Oh God, yes. I forgot that on Mumsnet, giving lifts is up there with the all time huge favours..............

Original poster
Applesandpears86 · 03/09/2016 08:40

No, I don't usually chauffeur her and the last time she asked I also ignored her (as the text arrived at midnight and I was asleep)! Very occasionally I have offered to pick her up from work if it is raining or late and we have been messaging.

I object to giving her the lift as I think it is bloody cheeky to ask in the first place! I don't understand why anyone would, on a Friday night, drive a friend into town for free for a night out they weren't invited on?! Let alone the fact I wasn't even home.

As I said before, just because my car isn't a taxi doesn't mean it has no running costs...

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 03/09/2016 08:50

Oh God, yes. I forgot that on Mumsnet, giving lifts is up there with the all time huge favours..............

Yes, that's definitely what I said.

dustarr73 · 03/09/2016 08:50

Some people really do have a brass neck.I object to giving her the lift as I don't understand why anyone would, on a Friday night, drive a friend into town for free for a night out they weren't invited on?! Let alone the fact I wasn't even home.

Just text that to her but really i wouldnt be bothered.

cupofrooibos · 03/09/2016 08:53

The request in the first place was cheeky but the double texting thing in general really gets on my nerves. I've noticed it happening more lately - friends will send follow up texts to non urgent messages within maybe six hours with 'hello...???' Angry I could maybe understand if we were mid-making plans or whatever, but it's still bloody rude and a demand on my time and headspace, and for attention, that I cannot bear.

JudyCoolibar · 03/09/2016 08:57

There was nothing at all rude about her original text

It was based on the assumption that OP would give up her time and money solely to save the friend money, in circumstances where she knew that OP would already have done a 50 mile commute and a day's work. That really isn't polite. And complaining because she didn't get a quick reply is definitely rude.

sleepachu · 03/09/2016 09:06

on the plus side if she had a drink her heart will be racing this morning and her sense of embarrassment (if she has one) multiplied. maybe send her a snide text this morning to play on The Fear

pictish · 03/09/2016 09:13

Aren't most of the responses here in response to the self-important, demanding second text? I know mine was.

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2016 09:17

Yes- her second text was rude.

But it was also rude not to send a quick reply to her first one- and everyone seems to think it was quite OK to ignore that.........

pictish · 03/09/2016 09:24

Oh. I didn't realise not replying to a text immediately was rude. I thought it was my prerogative to respond when I am able to/it suits me. Is it not?

GabsAlot · 03/09/2016 09:26

maybe because it was frankly out of order to expect someone to repy to a request for a lift 50 miles away

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2016 09:27

Of course it's up to you. But if somebody asks you a favour and you read the text and can't do it/don't want to do it it seems daft not to just say so straight away. Then the other person can make other arrangements and you don't have to think about it any more.

PerryHatter · 03/09/2016 09:30

I think it's okay to ignore a text asking for a lift into the town centre on a Friday night.
It's not an urgent lift. It's not 'Got a hospital appointment today and buses are cancelled/can't afford a cab'. It's a night out, it'd probably have cost them maximum £15 in a taxi anyway.

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown · 03/09/2016 09:30

Sounds like she's got far too comfortable with using you as a taxi service OP. I would shake her up a little. wetpaints message is good if you're still fuming - I would be!

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2016 09:36

Of course it's OK to ignore it. But, as my late lamented father would have said "Why make life more difficult than it already is?"

4 words. Less than 5 seconds. The friend could make alternative arrangements and the OP wouldn't have had to spend a moment of her evening thinking about it.

PuppyMonkey · 03/09/2016 09:38

Just reply: "Ha ha, saw text and assumed you were joking."

pictish · 03/09/2016 09:41

I think the 'read' function has a lot to answer for.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 03/09/2016 09:45

If the first text had simply been a request, I likely would have answered it, only to say 'no, sorry.'

The bit about wanting the ride to save having to fork out for a taxi would make me rather Hmm and unlikely to reply. Unless there were extenuating circumdtances.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 03/09/2016 09:48

I think the 'read' function has a lot to answer for.

I try to avoid opening text if I think an instant response may be required. or in some cases, any response at all

I try to guage as much info from the opening lines of text visible in the messages bar and then make a decision on whether to open it or not.

rollonthesummer · 03/09/2016 09:53

Was it a text? iMessage? You can turn the read function off.

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2016 09:54

And why on earth would you mind a friend asking for a lift???

Rrross1ges · 03/09/2016 09:55

Oh. I didn't realise not replying to a text immediately was rude. I thought it was my prerogative to respond when I am able to/it suits me. Is it not?

Exactly.

pictish · 03/09/2016 09:56

Same here. Even if all I was doing was eating crisps on the sofa I'd be doing the Hmm face.

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2016 09:57

Interesting that you seem to be applying the same principle to my reply to your original posting of that sentiment!

pictish · 03/09/2016 09:57

Me too Bitchy - I am deeply uncomfortable with the 'read' function. It's too intrusive. I always check the notification bar before opening.