To wish he would just go to work?

[vvviola]

I'm off work this week to settle DC into school (DD2 starting school, and lots of short introductory days).

I've had the week booked off work for months.

The plan was: Monday, Tuesday - get all the last minute bits and pieces done, Wednesday, first short day at school, Thursday, while DC at school run around doing the few bits that we discovered we had forgotten, Friday, spend the few hours DD2 is at school having a little bit of time to myself.

I'm an introvert, we've had a busy few months, and I've just come out of a stressful work situation. I was really looking forward to the two hours on Wednesday and today to just sit somewhere quietly on my own and maybe read a book.

Last week, DH announces he's taking Wednesday off to help bring the DC to school. Fair enough, he wants to bring DD2 in on her first day. The rest of the day is spent discussing house renovation stuff, but I still had today.

Except last night he announces he's "working from home" today. And again, during those couple of hours free wants to take me out for coffee and discuss stuff. Now that DD is home he has taken over the living room with his laptop.

I have literally not been alone for more time than it takes me to go to the toilet since Friday afternoon.

He always does it. I took the day off on my birthday. (I had stuff that needed to be done/signed and I thought I could spend a bit of time pottering about the house). The night before he announces he wants to take me out for lunch so he's working from home.

I get it, it's lovely, he wants to spend time with me. But I never get time alone in the house, it's either him or the kids.

I've told him I need time on my own, but it just doesn't seem to sink in.

AIBU to wish he'd just let me have a day off work and go into work himself when he's meant to?!

(I'm now off to clean the kitchen cupboards because if I sit down somewhere DD2 will climb on me, and I'm all talked/touched out for now. At least if I'm cleaning something she might potter off and play. This was my last day off before Christmas )

Princess as a follow on, do you accept that some people quite genuinely need time without someone else for the benefit of their mental health?

sorry meant to say I wouldn't
I wouldn't say I'm coming with you.

Princess thanks. However, what sort of way can someone convey that they need that alone time without you perceiving them as rude? Do you think that it's okay to take that alone time?

Biddy thank you so much for your comments. You've clearly been through enough yourself to understand .

Yes, I am the breadwinner, plus I look after the children and DH, and the house - everything that needs to happen to make our lives run as smoothly as they can - I do it. And at night, I dream about it all, and about DH's illness.

If I could carve out a little more alone time, I think I'd do it all better (though everyone seems to think I am doing a good job, so hopefully I am). And maybe I'd have fewer nightmares too

Oh yes,I do accept that !
My DP is one of those people. But still think introverts can be rude, impatient and should learn to control their emotions better.
It's hard to realise and accept that one minute you are source of joy to your introvert and next minute you are a nuisance.
If someone was a nuisance to me at any point, dont think I'd want to be in a relationship with that person. Because I can't feel love towards that person while I'm irritated with them,can you?Can you answer that question?

I don't know if I have got the question right. I'll try to answer what I think you're asking.

You are asking, if I am irritated by eg DH because I can't get alone time? And if I am irritated by him, how can I say I love him? Do I love him?

The times when I need alone time and finding it difficult to get it do not make me feel irritated. It's more a feeling of being unable to breathe, being unable to concentrate, feeling claustrophobic etc. This does not interfere with feelings of love.

The times when I am irritated by DH, such as bringing in the wrong bit of shopping or breaking the washing machine the first time he touches it ever are not so deep or frantic and do not interfere with any love for him.

Needing alone time is not a constant. If it was then marriage would not be possible. Needing a few minutes or a few hours now and again is not something that stops you having a relationship. Not being allowed those gaps in contact will stop you having a relationship.

I will add, all the introverts I know get snappy when they are utterly desperate and feeling that they have to almost literally fight to get that little bit of headspace. It is not irritation. It is sanity on the line and having to keep stating and re-stating that you need that down time will kill the relationship.

In the interests of full disclosure - DH needs more down time than I do and I happily go out for a day to let him have that.

I hope I have answered your question.

Do you build in time for your DP to decompress? Giving them those slices of time will protect the relationship.

vvviola - your DH is being very unreasonable! He should definitely barge in on your personal space like this. Everyone deserves alone time.

So much sympathy! It has taken us so many years together to the point where my dh gets it.i have had to explain that it is really selfish behaviour to continually decide what suits him is also best for me, DESPITE ME TELLING HIM CLEARLY WHAT I ACTUALLY WANT. Over ten years ago I planned a weekend away on my own to recharge. He wanted to come so I reluctantly let him. I was doing yoga on the floor and he turned music on and came in to dance a foot from my head. Etc etc. And he thought I should have had a great time because I had a whole weekend with him....

Good grief, time, I would have bite his fecking foot off! What did you do?

princess
This lovely thread is for introverts only
Do jog on 😊

Bloody hell I do understand you! I have a partner that needs lots of attention at times and it drives me up the wall. It makes me want to cry when I arrange for a day off / weekend away and my DP announces change of plans and tags along.
Do you drive? I used to live driving to work as this was the only 'me' time I got to myself. Now we share a car.

Sorry, I am venting. I do feel for you and I understand you. Hope it helps.

I'm the same!
An extrovert exterior but an introvert interior. My DH and DC are always around. My DH and BIL have their own business and it's assumed I will help on my days of fm my PT job!
It's frustrating and annoying.
I feign heavy periods t ensure I have 2 days a month TO MYSELF! And it's wonderful.
Asking nicely doesn't go down too well. Surely I WANT to help the family business?!
to those going through a hard time.

Princess you sound so awful and dismissive of anyone else's wants and needs. I didn't post earlier as you totally put me of! The you said you were leaving the thread and I got excited but your still there! As wanted as a daily mail cunting journalist!

We are teaching our 5 year old that Mummy and Daddy sometimes need quiet time and it is actually working really well because we are presenting it as a need rather than a preference so it doesn't cause hurt feelings. She is starting to say it about herself now...

OP you could tell your husband you NEED time to yourself in your own home sometimes, just like sometimes you NEED loving companionship. They are both valid needs. If you facilitate his needs (I bet you do) he should return the favour.

My 8yo DS1 needs some "alone time" quite regularly - just so he can unwind and just "be" without his small brother getting on his nerves.
Should I just ignore that, because it doesn't suit me?
OR - should I have some empathy and understanding of his feelings and leave him to have his alone time, so he can unwind?

Guess which one I do...