To wish he would just go to work?

[vvviola]

I'm off work this week to settle DC into school (DD2 starting school, and lots of short introductory days).

I've had the week booked off work for months.

The plan was: Monday, Tuesday - get all the last minute bits and pieces done, Wednesday, first short day at school, Thursday, while DC at school run around doing the few bits that we discovered we had forgotten, Friday, spend the few hours DD2 is at school having a little bit of time to myself.

I'm an introvert, we've had a busy few months, and I've just come out of a stressful work situation. I was really looking forward to the two hours on Wednesday and today to just sit somewhere quietly on my own and maybe read a book.

Last week, DH announces he's taking Wednesday off to help bring the DC to school. Fair enough, he wants to bring DD2 in on her first day. The rest of the day is spent discussing house renovation stuff, but I still had today.

Except last night he announces he's "working from home" today. And again, during those couple of hours free wants to take me out for coffee and discuss stuff. Now that DD is home he has taken over the living room with his laptop.

I have literally not been alone for more time than it takes me to go to the toilet since Friday afternoon.

He always does it. I took the day off on my birthday. (I had stuff that needed to be done/signed and I thought I could spend a bit of time pottering about the house). The night before he announces he wants to take me out for lunch so he's working from home.

I get it, it's lovely, he wants to spend time with me. But I never get time alone in the house, it's either him or the kids.

I've told him I need time on my own, but it just doesn't seem to sink in.

AIBU to wish he'd just let me have a day off work and go into work himself when he's meant to?!

(I'm now off to clean the kitchen cupboards because if I sit down somewhere DD2 will climb on me, and I'm all talked/touched out for now. At least if I'm cleaning something she might potter off and play. This was my last day off before Christmas )

...and an update - DH came back in, updated me on his excursion - nothing ever goes smoothly - then popped back out for the only thing he ought to have got that was urgent. (!)
I am now all happy and smiley. No PA, no grumpiness, just someone who saw the signs (and has been told, firmly, in the past!) and responded accordingly. Before he retired, I had time at home while the kids were in school, so recharged my batteries then.
When he first retired, and I was more mobile, I often used to 'need' to go into town, and just have a wonderful, quiet wander around, but I do now sometimes need him to just push off out for a bit - thankfully he loves cycling and walking.
That's all it needs for extroverts and introverts to get on - well, that and thankfully having another room for him to push off into to watch Corrie.

Oh, anyone want to have a go at me - I'm a much bigger target than HRF, and nowhere near as pretty as her.

Annie
God but for the fact HRF commenting awkwardly on my username (completely wrong assumption ) I wouldn't comment on anything to do with her either!
I don't really care about anyone appearance and have better things to do with my time !On this note I'm going to unsubscribe as discussion turned wrong way and I don't want to be a part of it anymore.

Lmao @ princess and her good education. I take it your education taught you to spell? Or was it just an education in how to come across as insecure and judgy?

Oh wow. I've found my people! except for princess

Hello fellow 'just leave me alone' ladies!

My DH finally, finally understands my need to be alone. For Valentine's Day AND Mother's Day this year he bought me nights in hotels alone. My friends think it's weird ("you're celebrating Valentine's Day alone?"). I think it is bliss.

Op, I totally get it. I think I've had less than 24 hours total alone in my house since the kids were born. I miss pottering.

Excuse my overuse of the word 'alone'.

I so sympathise. I have the same problem. My husband is a writer and works from home. I work full time and we have 3 children (a 5 year old and 2 year old twins). He spends all day on his own and when I come in from work he just wants to talk! All I want to do is chill out in front of the tv for a few hrs as I spend all day talking and need some downtime. He also rarely goes out so I am literally never in the house on my own. I started going to bed early just to get some alone time. I didn't realise it was an introvert thing, I am very social at work but at home I need some time to myself.

YANBU
I had this with my DH, I work longer hours so I never get any time to myself when I get back from work. I'd explained to him over and over again that I just needed the odd evening when I had the house to myself but it didn't seem to sink in then one day I just lost it with him and cried and got really upset as I felt I wasn't being listened too or respected. That seemed to change it and now he has a hobby on a Wednesday night that he goes to most weeks for a couple of hours and I can just be in the house by myself and do what I want. It has made me so much happier and it's good for our relationship.
I love him more than anything but it's about respecting people's boundaries. If he needs quiet time to play on his computer game or something then I respect that and give him space.
Best of luck OP, keep telling him that you just need a few hours to keep you sane

ATruth, I was going to say that that's quite extreme, but on second thoughts I'd probably love it myself, especially knowing it was a gift based entirely on what you would like and not what the gift giver thinks you should have!

Totally with you OP. I have one day off a week where i usually run about doing chores or errands but so nice to be unhampered by having to consider anyone else. If my dh says he will be home early or off my heart sinks!

Princess - but how is someone supposed to get alone time if asking doesn't work?

Why does someone's right to insist on company trump those who really need along time?

I thank my lucky stars that DH and I are both introverts. Makes life a lot easier. DS being a raging extrovert is slightly more challenging!

Just don't tell him when you next have time off

I have a me day today! I'm so chuffing happy.
We live with PIL so I never ever get me time.
I have managed this amazing day by breaking my ankle. I can't leave the house. DP has gone to a day long event I was meant to attend and the PIL are visiting a dying relative.
I am in me time heaven.
I can knit, watch what I want on TV, read without being constantly pestered for attention, I can eat my lunch when I want, I don't have to listen to other people farting and sneezing way too loudly, I don't even have to get fucking dressed!
I can just chill out and relax.
This day is a good day.
OP I get it.

Ha ha King! I lived with my in laws when the kids were smaller and i had one afternoon in a year when everyone was out of the house and my youngest napped. It was the best 2 hours of my whole year! I get it OP. I am very sociable but sooooo need alone time. Knowing someone is downstairs is NOT the same as being in the bliss of an empty house.

DC is the same as DD2?

Sorry to be so bad at nettistuff www.mumsnet.com/emo/te/8.gif.pagespeed.ce.jNxqqeqaDs.gif

Surely the solution - sorry if already said - is to forget to mention to him that you are having a home day?

OP, I could have written that post.

I need time on my own but even my bf doesn't get the extent of it. It's not good if someone is in another part of the house. Ito how I am and DH is similar to a point - he just goes to another room or upstairs and he's fine. He knows how I am though and when going to shops, for example, will make a point of taking his time.

I too stay up late to free my brain. I love the kitchen to myself, it does men less sleep but the space is breathtakingly Refreshing!

Luckily were well past the young dc stage. One DS just gone 21, still living with us. First DS died of SUDEP at 18 nr 5nyears fo. He had other problems. So both used to being home, always was one of us. Not sure how relevant this is but we got used to living well as possible and giving each other what matterEd,. No one person meets all your needs and shouldn't have to so give each other a break.

Also, going to a film or just out, not the thing. It's being at home, flopping, reading, pottering, whatever...

I really empathise/sympathise. It's sooo annoying. The only thing you can do is actually tell him how much you need to have time in your own home ON YOUR OWN. Even if he doesn't understand he should accept that's the way you are.

My sympathies OP! Can you organise DH into taking the DC swimming or to the park or something tomorrow to give you an hour or two alone??

Princess - Why aren't people allowed time by themselves?

Because she needs constant attention and people who need alone time are weird and should obviously change their personality to suit her. Jesus.

Luckily, DH and I are introverts, although life and soul in company. He used to get very antsy at never having time alone at home but then started working shifts. Suits us both and when I've had enough of company, I have epic baths.

I agree too....I work FT and live for the end of term days when they break up at 1.20, only three times a year but never mind. I always take the morning off and clean the house with the radio on very loud. It's the only time I get a few hours to myself without DP or DD and it is absolute heaven.

Completely with you on this but different circumstances. I'm coming to the end of Mat leave and dd is now having short sessions at nursery. Dh is a teacher and so has been off for 6 weeks. Whilst it's lovely to have him around I'm just so looking for to both dc being in nursery and me having some time to myself before going back to work! I haven't been alone for almost a year!!

Just dont tell him you have booked a day off. Simples ..
I rarely have a day at home alone (retired) .But DH does tend to stay in his study most of the time ..

So true... just some space and quiet, sometimes, is so great. When we re-did our bathroom DH got a larger bath so we can share a bath... I'd really rather not - I like being on my own in there! DC are too old to join in now (hooray!), but not DH. I haven't bothered having a bath for ages. When I'm having my morning shower, thinking about the day ahead, he pops in and out of the room to chat and interrupt me. Aaarggghhhh!

If I take a me day. I tell no one. Not Dh not do. I get up and get dressed for work and take them to school. I laugh all the way home and change. This was honed over the years from the realisation that any spare moment I had would get filled

I am such an introvert. I love meeting people and conversation but MUST have alone time otherwise I turn into a witch.
The summer holidays have been great but I'm now itching for alone time. I actually feel unwell due to the limited alone time.
I adore my husband and children but i'll often be thinking "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, DON'T TOUCH ME OR SPEAK"
I don't say this of course 😊