Princess, you are being particularly hurtful in the things you are saying here. It is not generally people saying "F you all I want to be ALONE" Marlene Dietrich-like. It is people who are involved in lots of other people's lives looking for a little consideration and a little bit of time and space for themselves. Not 24/7/365 for other people.
It is particularly dreadful seeing what you say about Ihavesomethingto say's situation. A cancer DX in the family is devastating. Different people respond to it in different ways. In many cases, the spouse of the patient is the person who has to juggle the balls and keep life going. You know, keeping a wage coming in, getting kids to school, keeping food on the table, that sort of everyday stuff. While getting their head around the DX and the way their spouse's life, and their own, has been turned upside down. Reasssuring their spouse, being the person their DCs can ask the questions they can't ask the parent with the DX and otherwise reassuring them, being the person that wider family will expect to handle things and answer any and all questions no matter how intrusive, be expected by that wider family to keep the show on the road and cheer them all up quite often. Trying to get the patient to their appointments, figure out the meds, hear what the Drs and professionals are saying (sometimes not just the words but underlying things). While probably being expected to be the person in control, always available, always calm and measured and organized....
She wasn't talking about what was hardest for her DH - she was talking about what was hardest for herself. EVERYONE needs some way to recharge their own batteries - and people going through that sort of situation need it even more than others. Different people have different ways of doing it. You can carry heavy burdens for a long time before you drop the ball - but there does come a time and you need to make sure that you have a chance to recharge so that doesn't happen, particularly where others are depending on you so much more than normal.
So when all they are asking for is some time alone - possibly even just to come to terms for themselves with the reality now facing them, or maybe to actually just forget that new reality for an hour - how could you POSSIBLY say that this is rude and uncaring??!!!
I'm sorry for the rant, but I've had some serious problems with people like you in the past couple of years, and I have gone through 3 DGPs dying over 27 months with little support, dealing with other illnesses from afar, DH having to work abroad 50% for 4 years, coping with DD's SN's, expectations that we (DH and I), as the eldest in both families, would sort out a lot of problems for people while both of us work FT, and then DFIL getting ill and ultimately dying in the past year, and the fallout in the family of all that - and a huge burden put on both of us as a result.
Sometimes - people actually genuinely just need time alone.
I've done the sitting in coffee shops crying.
I've done going 4 stops beyond my stop going home and having to retrace my steps to get some peace.
I have locked myself in the toilet for 5 minutes away from everyone else - and still had people knocking to ask questions.
I have told family members that just because I am "home" for the weekend, does not mean that I am free to then drive (or worse, be driven and dependent on their timings) a further 2 hours for a small gathering that I probably would go to for an hour or so if I was right there but not travel to. Sometimes, not even appropriate for me (or other family member indeed) to be there. Nor do I need that single weekend, when I have to keep 6 different households happy and also accomplish a couple of things for our own family, can I add in another event that you have decided needs to happen that weekend "because Biddy is home" and end up not getting back to my own house until after midnight on a Sunday night with school and work the next day and clean clothes needed and lunches to be sorted - when I say I need to leave at 3pm, there is a reason for that!
I have done asking nicely with no success. It got so bad at one stage that I literally screamed at my DF, which I never do - the rest of my family literally ran for cover - but it was so out of character and I was under so much stress that no one would give me any consideration but continued to pile on more. That worked - should I keep doing it that way?
I would much prefer to be able to get the occasional bit of time out that I need just by asking nicely.
When, like the OP's DH, my DH books time off or works from home when he knows that I have taken time off, just so he can be with me, or DD puts huge pressure on me to do something with her or bring her with me when I go out for a quiet coffee (which is then no longer quiet) - how am I supposed to ask for the umpteenth time to just have some time alone? Please everyone, piss off out of my life? No, a "please can you do this another day when I am not here", or accepting a "no I can't meet you for lunch even though I am on a day off because I actually have other things planned" should be enough. I do plenty with them all, and am happy to do so. But occasionally, I want a little time to myself - and for people to accept that this means TIME TO MYSELF.